MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: MARYLAND

 MARYLAND

Saturday, November 18, 2023

A coworker gave me a magic mushroom and I ate it for breakfast, washed down with cinnamon-flavored coffee. #3 Michigan is on the road in the Terrapin State sans Harbaugh as the university, in a sudden reversal of strategy, accepted the Big Ten’s three-game suspension of their football coach on Thursday. The decision baffled me. The college football pregame shows speculated that the acceptance of punishment felt like an admission of guilt, on some level; perhaps it was, or perhaps Harbaugh did not want to draw attention away from the team. Either way, accepting the suspension meant Harbaugh would be out for the Ohio State game as well. Offensive coordinator Sherrone Moore, who proved himself a capable replacement in Happy Valley, led the team onto the field at SECU Stadium in College Park, serving as the acting head coach for the second consecutive week and the third time this season. 

Wearing the all-white road uniform and sporting heavy, smeared eye black to combat the mid-Atlantic sun, JJ McCarthy led the offense onto the field first after Michigan received the opening kickoff, but the drive sputtered to a three and out. McCarthy’s counterpart, senior Taulia Tagavailoa, led the 6-4 Terrapins onto the field following a Tommy Doman punt. A four-year starter for Maryland, he went 5 for 5 to open the game, leading his team on a 57-yard drive that ultimately stalled at the Michigan 17-yard line. Sophomore place kicker Jack Howes nailed a 35-yard field goal attempt from there, giving Maryland an early 3-0 advantage to the delight of the home crowd. 

After that, Michigan dominated for a long stretch of the first half. JJ showed signs of life on our second possession, kick-starting the drive with a 23-yard completion to favorite-receiver Roman Wilson. Blake the Great took over from there. Over the next eight snaps, Corum rushed six times for a total of 39 yards, capping the drive with a 2-yard touchdown smash up the middle, a Blake specialty. The score gave Corum 19 rushing touchdowns on the season, putting him one away from tying Hassan Haskin’s school-record of 20 in a single season and five away from tying the A-Train’s school record of 55 career rushing touchdowns. 

Including Corum’s touchdown, which made it 7-3 Wolverines, Michigan scored 23 unanswered points, giving the impression they were running away with the game. Tommy Doman booted the ball into the yellow, black, and red checkerboard-pattern endzone for a touchback, giving Maryland the ball at the 25-yard line to start their second drive. Tagavailoa threw his first incompletion of the game on the ensuing first down, then his second on the next play when he aired it out deep down field, missing his receiver by inches. On 3rd down, Tagavailoa once again dropped back to pass, but Michigan brought pressure from both edges – Derrick Moore from the left and CJ Stokes from the right – forcing the Terps quarterback to backpedal. When he had retreated to his own 10-yard line, Stokes knocked the ball loose, allowing Moore to scoop it up at the 4-yard line and carry it in for a Michigan touchdown, their second in only 19 seconds. Gus Johnson, calling the game for FOX, hyped the Cardi Boys – his nickname for Michigan’s defense – as they donned sunglasses and posed for a picture on the sideline. Momentum had flipped in a big way. 

The Cardi Boys struck again on the next drive. After Maryland rushed for 2 yards on their first play of the drive, Jaylen Harrel sacked Tagavailoa for a loss of 9 on the next, forcing a third and long. Kris Jenkins and Braiden McGregor brought more pressure on third down, chasing Tagavailoa into his own end zone before the Terps quarterback threw it away to the sidelines. Christian Boivin, a Junior walk-on from Traverse City West, blocked the ensuing punt into the endzone, forcing the Maryland punter to kick the loose ball out of the back of the endzone for a safety. With only 32 seconds left in the first quarter, the Wolverines led 16-3. 

Another Corum touchdown halfway through the second quarter capped a 15-play, 64-yard drive that chewed up seven and a half minutes of clock. This one put Michigan ahead 23-3 and made it look like the route was on, but then my magic mushroom kicked in, and from that point on, Michigan seemed intent on making it a bad trip. Seemingly down and out, Tagavailoa demonstrated his mettle on the next possession, completing 8 of 9 passes on a 14-play drive that went 75 yards. Michigan almost prevented a touchdown with a goal line stand, forcing a 4th and goal from the 1-yard line, but the Terps brought out a secret weapon in backup QB Billy Edwards Jr., a 6’4, 205-pound transfer from Wake Forest who apparently specialized in short yard rushes a la Jaylen Hurts’ Tush Push. It worked. Edwards’ touchdown run cut the lead to 23-10 with two minutes left until halftime.

At this point I reflected that Maryland was still in the game despite all that had gone wrong for them; that was a bad sign in a football game. Without Michigan’s defensive scores, after all, Michigan’s lead would have only been 14-10. JJ McCarthy, rumored to be dealing with an injury, looked noticeably off; this was evident on the next drive when he led the offense in a two-minute drill. He efficiently marched the offense to the redzone, setting up a first and goal from the 7-yard line with 42 seconds left. At worst, it seemed, Michigan would close the half with a field goal. Instead, McCarthy threw a bad interception in the endzone, one made worse by the fact that the previous play should have resulted in an interception, too. Compounding the bad taste left in the mouth was that Maryland got the ball to start the second half. The mushroom I ate before the game felt like a bad decision, going into the break, with my anxiety spinning its wheels.

The shroom trip only got worse in the second half as the anxiety morphed into panic. Tagavailoa appeared to have turned a corner in the game. He put his talent on display on the second play of the second half when he threw a beautiful spiral that dropped right into the hands of Kaden Prather for a 34-yard gain, a completion that felt significant in that it extended the momentum Maryland had generated before halftime into the second half. A roughing the passer call against Mason Graham on a third and five further extended that momentum, setting the Turtles up with a 1st and 10 from the Michigan 21. On the next play, Tagavailoa completed a 13-yard pass to Tai Felton for another first down, this one a 1st and goal. He then showed off his running ability, scrambling 7 yards before being brought down just shy of the endzone. Michigan’s rush defense subsequently stuffed Maryland’s third down rushing attempt from a yard out, forcing a 4th and goal for the second time in the game. Again, Maryland turned to secret weapon Billy Edwards Jr., who again succeeded with the Tush Push play; perhaps cute the first time, it was now downright frustrating that Maryland’s backup quarterback had beaten us twice with the same play on a 4th and goal. “First points scored against Michigan in the third quarter all season,” Gus Johnson observed, “and Maryland is right back in this football game.” A troubling observation indeed, it prompted flashbacks to last year’s nailbiter against Illinois, which also transpired the week before our date with Ohio State. Unable to sit still, I went to put my laundry in the dryer, then moseyed outside for a cigarette. 

Michigan’s offense looked really bad – they went three and out on their opening possession of the half – putting the pressure on the defense to carry us in the second half. Maryland’s second possession of the half, which started at their own 24-yard line, gave the home team the chance to take the lead with a touchdown. Instead, Michigan’s leader on defense answered the call to arms issued by Michigan fans everywhere. On a 2nd down and 9 from the 42, Mikey Sainristil jumped a route and picked off Tagavailoa for a huge stopgap in terms of momentum. It looked as if Sainristil might have kept his knees from touching the ground when an offensive player attempted to tackle him, after which Sainristil proceeded to take the ball to the house, but video review ruled him down at the 49-yard line. 

Sainristil’s turnover gave Michigan good field position to work with and the offense capitalized. Despite an off-game – not at 100% health, JJ completed only 12 of 23 pass attempts for 141 yards in the game, with no touchdowns and one interception – McCarthy threw three big completions on the drive to three different receivers (Johnson, Morgan, and Loveland), the last a critical one to Colston Loveland on a 4th and 3 from the Maryland 24-yard line. Sherrone Moore then dialed up a trick play, giving the ball to speedster Semaj Morgan on a reverse. With a lanky frame and long strides reminiscent of Steve Breaston, Morgan dashed to the right sideline and, while collared by a defender, extended the ball to the orange pylon with his right hand. The sideline judge raised both arms to signal a touchdown, one that felt monumental. Michigan’s two-point conversion attempt, which perplexingly saw JJ throw a fade to Barner in the corner of the endzone, failed, resulting in a 29-17 score as the fourth quarter loomed. 

Before the third quarter was over, however, Maryland answered with another convincing drive, one that started at their own 16-yard line. Carrying the Terrapins, Tagavailoa once again looked stellar, making several big throws, starting with a 13-yard completion to Jeshaun Jones on 3rd and 11 that kept the drive – and Maryland’s hopes – alive. Terps running back Roman Hemby gained 7 yards on back-to-back rushes for another first down, then Tagavailoa threw another dime to Jeshaun Jones, this one for a 24-yard gain that pushed Maryland into Michigan territory. On the next play, he threw an even better pass down the sideline, placing it perfectly by putting it just out of reach of cornerback Will Johnson – who rarely got beat – and right into the hands of Prather, who hauled it in before tumbling into the endzone. Initially ruled a touchdown, video review reversed the call as officials determined that Prather’s knee hit the ground just shy of the goal line. That set Maryland up with another 1st and goal from the 1-yard line, and wouldn’t you know it? In came Billy Edwards Jr. to execute the Tush Push for the third time in the game. Deja vu ensued: Edwards Jr. scored in the same fashion as the first two – each time gaining only a few inches in a massive scrum that obscured the exact location of the ball – prompting me to ask my empty apartment if we were going to let Billy fucking Edwards end our best shot at a national championship in twenty-five years. Probably, I concluded; it sounded like the kind of twisted cosmic joke that cursed Michigan Football, after all, the kind I had grown to expect over the previous decades. 

Where was the boa constrictor – the one that sucked the life from Michigan’s opponents in the second half? Going into the game, Michigan’s D had yet to cede a point to its opponents in a third quarter, and now they had given up 21 to the Maryland fucking Terrapins. Destiny and fate felt like they were hanging in the balance as the fourth quarter started, with the undefeated Wolverines clinging to a precarious 5-point lead.

Championship teams found a way to win close games, to win despite their worst performances, and it was time to find out if Michigan was truly championship-caliber. The first play of the fourth quarter resulted in a first down completion to Semaj Morgan, but any feelings of an auspicious start to the quarter evaporated when Maryland sacked McCarthy two plays later for a loss of 7, forcing a 3rd and long at the 32. McCarthy connected with AJ Barner on third down, but the throw was far short of the sticks and the Maryland defense brought Barner down before he could carry the ball any further. It was a 7-yard completion when Michigan needed 14. As such, Tommy Doman trotted onto the field with the punting unit, then booted it into the endzone for a touchback. The punter was proving to be one of the unsung heroes of the game.

Following their uncharacteristic third quarter performance, Michigan’s defense redeemed themselves in the fourth. Maryland’s next possession went nowhere, with McGregor and Graham teaming up to sack Tagavailoa for a 10-yard loss on third and long to force a Maryland punt from inside their own 20. The punt went only 32 yards, giving Michigan the ball back at midfield, but Michigan’s offense failed to capitalize on the field position this time, going three and out in lackluster fashion. Doman, suddenly a weapon we needed, punted again, pinning Maryland at their own 10-yard line. With an opportunity to pounce, Michigan’s defense came up big again on the ensuing drive. Kenneth Grant stuffed a run on first down, then sacked Tagavailoa for a loss of 9 on 2nd down, forcing 3rd and 18 from the 2-yard line. Tagavailoa, trying to play the hero, launched a deep ball from his own endzone. It wasn’t a terrible throw, but Mikey Sainristil – rapidly ascending to Michigan legend status – leaped up and grabbed it before the receiver had a chance to, recording his second interception of the game. 

Sainristil’s pick felt like the dagger, setting Michigan up at the Maryland 39-yard line with only five and a half minutes remaining, but Michigan’s offense proceeded to squander the opportunity. A holding penalty pushed them 10 yards back – likely out of field goal range – after which McCarthy threw back-to-back incompletions. Doman punted yet again, this time pinning Maryland at their own 1-yard line. Then Tagavailoa made another mistake from his own endzone when he attempted to throw the ball away with no receivers in the vicinity, a penalty that by rule resulted in a safety, Michigan’s second one of the game.

Even then, Michigan’s offense struggled to close the game. Leading 31-24 with two minutes remaining, they needed only a first down, maybe two, to close it out, but three straight rushes netted nine yards total, forcing a 4th and 1. Sherrone Moore channeled Jim Harbaugh and went for it, giving the ball to Corum, who fought and clawed towards the line to gain. Refs brought out the chains for measurement, which showed Corum had gained it by inches. That more or less capped it. It was an ugly ending to an ugly game, but Michigan escaped College Park with their dreams intact, still undefeated. The win gave the program 1,000 all-time wins, making them the first team to reach that milestone, but that hardly mattered. A date with the 11-0 Buckeyes at Michigan Stadium loomed, a date some were already calling the most important matchup in the history of the rivalry, one in which everything was on the line. 

Thanksgiving was only a few days away, and I had a flight to Detroit booked for Thanksgiving Day. Still, everyone back home knew that’s not what I was really flying back to Michigan for. I was going back to Michigan for The Game.

MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: PENN STATE

“WE ARE THE STORM”

Saturday, November 11, 2023

Preceding a pivotal Saturday for Michigan Football, Friday started innocuously enough. It was pajama day at school, meaning the kids acted crazy, but that was pretty standard. I wore basketball shorts over long johns, slippers, and my 20-year-old yellow Michigan hoodie. The latter I wore in eager anticipation of Saturday’s game at Penn State, the biggest game of the season to date.

Then Friday turned eventful, and not in a good way. “Eventful” was not the adjective you wanted to describe the 24 hours leading up to the biggest game of the season, let alone one on the road. On or about 3:30 in the afternoon on Friday, Big Ten Commissioner Tony Pettiti spinelessly suspended Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh for his role in the sign-stealing investigation, caving in to pressure from rival programs and using the Big Ten’s sportsmanship policy to do so. We knew a suspension was likely coming, so it wasn’t earth-shattering news, but the timing of Pettiti’s suspension made it feel more vindictive than just. Michigan’s football team was literally in the air – on a plane en route to Pennsylvania – when Pettiti made his announcement. ESPN heard the news before Michigan did, which confirmed Pettiti’s cowardice regarding the matter. The collective anger of the Michigan fan base at this ill-timed executive decision signified the commencement of a legal battle, spurring the mGoLaw crowd into overdrive. Ross, the BOX House lawyer, predicted that a local judge would grant Harbaugh a temporary restraining order, thereby allowing him to remain on the sidelines while due process took its course. Michigan swiftly filed for the temporary restraining order late Friday afternoon, and the hope was that a judge would grant it before kickoff in Happy Valley. 

Saturday morning, I woke early and refused to watch ESPN College Gameday, which starts an hour earlier than FOX’s Big Noon Kickoff, as ESPN as a network appeared committed to keeping the sign-stealing scandal front and center, a daily news story, as it had for almost three weeks theretofore. Moreover, many of ESPN’s commentators, including one Rece Davis, demonstrated blatant bias against Jim Harbaugh and his squad, damning him before even a single piece of evidence emerged to verify the accusations. As far as I could ascertain, scandals drove clicks, and that gave ESPN a financial incentive to hype the scandal as much as possible. They had followed the exact same script during the Deflategate scandal involving Tom Brady and the New England Patriots, beating the story to death as that saga excruciatingly dragged on through an entire offseason. These kinds of tangential scandals are tiresome, opportunities for media blowhards to toot their own horns and virtue signal from a moral high ground. 

So instead of finding College Game Day, I walked to the grocery store around 7:00 a.m. to pick up sparkling water, K-Cups, Bolthouse Farms smoothies, and kleenex. It was a cold 30 degrees outside, and the streets were eerily empty, noiseless as the city still slept. I felt a little strange – high off of anticipation but simultaneously nervous for the game and Harbaugh’s status for it. 

Returning to my apartment, I put away the groceries and flipped the channel to FOX in time for the start of Big Noon Kickoff. The crew of Matt Leinart, Brady Quinn, Urban Meyer, and Mark Ingram II broadcasted live from Happy Valley. Former crew member Charles Woodson returned to the set for the pregame show to serve as Michigan’s voice at the table. Woodson was absolutely fired up for the game. “Michigan versus everybody,” he said, repeating a slogan Michigan appeared to have adopted in the wake of the sign-stealing story, “Michigan versus everybody.” Also adopting that mentality was Blake Corum, who wore a “Michigan vs. Everybody” knit hat during the pregame warmups. 

Shortly before kickoff, word came down that the Washtenaw County Judge who was set to rule on Michigan’s request for a temporary injunction had forestalled any decision. This surprised and deflated me and most of the guys in the BOX House group chat, for we all expected that the temporary injunction would be granted immediately. Instead, the judge set a hearing date for the following Friday. The decision worried me considerably, as it seemed the first clue that something was amiss about the day, perhaps even doomed. Sherrone Moore, who notched his first win as acting coach earlier in the season against Bowling Green, once again stepped in for the suspended Harbaugh. This game was a lot bigger than that one, though. 

For good reason, most considered Beaver Stadium in Happy Valley one of the most difficult road environments to play in. With a capacity of 106,572, it was the second largest stadium in the nation behind only Michigan Stadium. Famous for its white-outs, the student section had a reputation for being boisterous; I had witnessed it in person on a road trip with Andy in 2008. That alone tempered my expectations going into the game. Vegas listed Michigan as 4.5 point favorites, but, factoring in the last-minute suspension of Jim Harbaugh and the distraction the scandal had posed to players all week, I looked at the contest as more or less a tossup. One thing we had going in our favor was the noon eastern kickoff time, which usually translated to a less-inebriated and consequently less-boisterous crowd. 

My skepticism, moreover, swelled during the opening quarter, which, when it was over, probably qualified as Michigan’s worst quarter of the season, with the exception of perhaps one of those quarters in the Bowling Green game. Both of Michigan’s first quarter drives failed, the second one ending when the Nittany Lions sacked McCarthy for a big third-down stop. Penn State subsequently drove the ball down the field, setting up a 1st and goal from the Michigan 3-yard line, but Drew Allar and the Nittany Lions squandered the opportunity. Or perhaps offensive coordinator Mike Yurcich squandered it. Penn State ran the ball on 1st and goal but gained only a yard. Then, rather inexplicably, Yurcich called two straight pass plays, relying on the unproven Allar to finish the drive. Both resulted in incompletions, setting up 4th and goal from the 2. Faced with a decision, the notoriously conservative James Franklin opted to take the points, sending out his field goal team. Alex Felkins nailed the 20-yard chip shot, giving Penn State a 3-0 lead, but it was hard not to consider the goal line stand a victory for Michigan. 

Attacking on the ground and through the air, Michigan’s offense got the ball rolling on its third drive, which took the Wolverines into the second quarter. McCarthy converted two third and longs – his third down proficiency put him on another level, among the elite – the first via a quarterback scramble for 13 yards, the second on a 19-yard completion to Semaj Morgan. The latter resulted in a first and goal for the Wolverines. Corum territory. Following Zak Zinter, who pulled left from his position at right guard, Corum smashed it in for his seventeenth rushing touchdown of the season. “This guy just has a nose for the endzone,” Joel Klatt astutely observed. “Blake mf Corum,” I texted the BOX group chat after pumping my fist. James Turner’s extra point made it 7-3. 

The boa constrictor tightened: Michigan’s defense forced a three-and-out immediately after the Corum score, stuffing Allar on 3rd and 2. JJ and the offense started their next drive at the 22 yard line following a 50 yard punt from Riley Thompson. On 1st and 10, McCarthy found the reliable Cornelius Johnson for 11 yards. On the next play Corum ran for 2 yards; Penn State’s rush defense, ranked #1 in the nation going into the contest, had largely contained him theretofore. On the next play, however, Michigan gave him the ball again, and this time he bounced it outside to the left, busting loose down the sideline for 44 yards before being brought down at the Penn State 21 yard line. “Blake the great!” Gus Johnson exclaimed, “big, explosive play.” On the next play, Penn State stuffed Donovan Edwards for a loss of 1, then Colston Loveland caught a pass for no gain, forcing a 3rd and 11.

In a surprise call, for a 3rd and long situation, Michigan again handed the ball to Donovan Edwards, who, after running for 991 yards and 7 touchdowns in 2022, struggled to start the 2023 season. A five star recruit from West Bloomfield who won the 2020 Michigan Mr. Football award, his monster, 216-yard, 2-touchdown performance at Ohio State in 2022 set up massive expectations for his junior season; Edwards himself contributed to the hype, predicting he’d be as great as Walter Payton and Barry Sanders in a moment of hubris. So when he had yet to score through 6 games in 2023, many media outlets – and many of the grumpy Michigan fans – pondered what was wrong with Edwards. His early season struggles made it all the more surprising that Michigan gave him the ball on 3rd and 11. As Jim Harbaugh once said, though, “this guy just comes alive in big games.” The coaching staff’s faith in Edwards paid off. He took the ball up the middle, saw an opening, and cut back to the right, dashing 22 yards to the endzone for his biggest touchdown of the season, one that put Michigan ahead 14-3 with six minutes left in the half. Big Game Don had arrived.

To Penn State’s credit, they answered Michigan’s touchdown with a solid touchdown drive of their own to close the first half. Kaytron Allen, nicknamed “Fat Man,” provided a spark for the Nittany Lions on the first play of the drive, taking a handoff from Allar and breaking free for 34 yards. Penn State’s biggest play of the half, Allen’s run set up a first down at the Michigan 41. Lacking faith in Allar, perhaps, Penn State then gave Allen the ball three straight times, including on 3rd and 5, when Michigan’s defense stopped him for a loss of one. That presented a 4th and 6 that felt like a monumental play. James Franklin finally rolled the dice by going for it, a decision that paid off; showing his nerve, Allar completed a pass to Kaden Saunders for 13 yards, giving Penn State a fresh set of downs at the Michigan 24. Three minutes remained in the half. Again, they ran the ball three straight times, gaining nine yards cumulatively. Presented with another 4th down, Franklin called a brilliant trick play. Allar pitched the ball to Allen, who took a few steps before stopping to throw back to Allar for a 4 yard gain to the 11. The ensuing play saw Allar, Ohio’s 2021 Mr. Football, take a designed QB run to the endzone. Michigan stopped their attempt at a 2-point conversion, yet the touchdown felt like a monumental one in terms of momentum and Penn State’s confidence, especially considering the Lions got the ball to start the second half. Michigan led 14-9 going into the break, but the aforementioned set of circumstances caused my anxiety to spike considerably. 

Trench warfare and field position featured prominently in a second half that would’ve made Lloyd Carr proud. Penn State opened the half with the ball and a chance to take the lead with a touchdown drive, but it was Michigan’s defense that made a big play. On a 3rd and 2 near midfield, Allar attempted to run for the first down himself. When he got to the line of scrimmage, however, Rayshaun Benny, a junior defensive lineman from Detroit, ripped the ball loose. Allar fumbled it, and a fortuitous bounce saw the ball go right to senior defensive back Makari Paige, who fell on it for a huge fumble recovery. 

Paige’s fumble recovery, the first turnover of the game, gave Michigan the ball at midfield with a chance to make the Nittany Lions pay. It was here that Michigan’s bold second half strategy began to play out. Though the drive started in Penn State territory – at the 49 – it consumed more than 8 minutes of game clock, largely because Michigan ran the ball 12 straight plays. This old-school style strategy of running exclusively befuddled me in real time, and at times I grew frustrated by our unwillingness to let JJ throw, especially on 3rd and goal from the Penn State 10-yard line (Edwards took it 6 yards to the 4). James Turner nailed a 22-yard field goal to cap the drive, giving Michigan an important but not-so-comfortable 8 point advantage. 

Punters Riley Thompson and Tommy Doman sparred next, each punting three times over the next six possessions. Michigan’s defense played outstanding during this stretch, limiting Penn State to 23 yards total on their next four possessions, while Sherrone Moore’s handcuffing of McCarthy continued to frustrate. Yet the war of attrition worked, despite my frustration with the strategy. With Michigan ahead 17-9, the clock ticked and ticked; ultimately it forced Penn State into desperation mode. With less than five minutes left in the fourth quarter, the Lions abandoned their run game and put their hopes in Allar’s arm. He threw three straight incompletions, none of which were really close; the last of these was a duck that landed nowhere near a receiver on 4th and 6 from their own 30, resulting in a turnover on downs. The decision to go for it on 4th down from their own 30 constituted a massive gamble – an unwise one, at that – for Franklin, who probably had his history of big game losses in mind when he made the call. The crowd moaned, mixed with some boos. “These fans are not happy with the offense,” Gus Johnson observed.

Franklin’s recklessness felt like a gift as Michigan took possession at the Penn State 30; we needed only a field goal to go up two scores, perhaps ten yards to make it a chip shot. A touchdown sounded even better. On the very next play, Corum made Franklin and the Nittany Lions pay for the decision. Taking a handoff from JJ, Blake found a huge hole created by the O-line and dashed 30 yards to the endzone, breaking Penn State’s spirit. His eighteenth touchdown of the year put the Wolverines up 24-9 with only 4:15 remaining. In total, Blake the Great carried the ball 26 times for a season-high 145 yards. He appeared in post-game interviews with a nasty gash on the bridge of his nose, blood trickling down, making for one of the season’s iconic photographs that encapsulated the team’s spirit. 

Penn State answered with a touchdown on their next drive, an 8-play drive that ate up 2:16 of clock and culminated in an 8-yard touchdown pass from Allar to Theo Johnson. Then, in another controversial decision, Franklin went for two in an attempt to cut the score to 7, essentially putting the game on the line then and there. The two-point conversion failed. Citing analytics, Ross said it was the right call to go for 2, but I disagreed. The 9 point lead, as opposed to an 8 point lead, made it a two-score game. It also made me a hell of a lot more comfortable. 

Penn State’s ensuing onside kick failed. Leading 24-15, Michigan got the ball back at the PSU 43-yard line with 1:53 remaining. Sticking to the second half script, they gave the ball to Corum three times, the third resulting in the dagger first down. McCarthy then kneeled twice to close it out. Michigan finished the game with 32 straight rushing attempts, a stat that certainly made Harbaugh – watching from the hotel – proud, for it harkened back to Bo Schembechler and the glory days of smashmouth football. Harbaugh’s absence was also a testament to the team and staff, who persevered through a difficult week, using the suspension as a rallying cry (“Michigan vs. Everybody” was now the rally cry of the fanbase as well). They passed their first big test.

In a post-game interview with FOX’s Jenny Taft, Sherrone Moore endeared himself to Michigan fans by letting his emotions spill out, delivering one of the most memorable post-game interviews of my lifetime. “Coach Harbaugh, I fucking love you man,” Moore said with tears streaming down his cheeks, “I love the shit out of you man. I did this for you!” He embraced a bloodied Corum, ending the interview by insisting Taft talk to the players. In my apartment, I beamed with pride. Corum gave his interview with blood still trickling from the cut between his eyes, one that required stitches post-game. 

During and after this one – it truly felt like a special game – the BOX House group chat was electric. “Corum looks like a fucking warrior,” I wrote. “This team is full of fighters.” Later, someone mentioned the bad ass comment Trevor Keegan made during a post-game interview in regards to the team embracing the role of villain. “A storm is coming?” Keegan said, “Nah. We are the storm.”

During halftime shows the rest of the day, analysts gasped at the stat showing Michigan threw no official passes in the second half – truly an absurd stat. Some of the analysts, including Joel Klatt, who called the game for FOX, implied it was a “fuck you” strategy, a tactic to demonstrate superiority in the trenches and humiliate Penn State. Though a little far-fetched, that sounded awesome. The only negative takeaway from the rest of the day’s games was that Ohio State, Georgia, and Washington looked dominant as well. All in all, it was hard to think of a more emotionally-satisfying Michigan win – excluding perhaps the previous two victories over OSU – in my lifetime, at least not since 1997. 

Capping an awesome day, the team made an appearance at Yost Ice Arena Saturday night, arriving back in Ann Arbor just in time for the Michigan hockey game against Minnesota. Yost erupted upon their arrival, breaking out into chants of “Free Jim Harbaugh.” Harbaugh smiled and raised the hand of Sherrone Moore before he and the team led the arena in a spirited rendition of “The Victors.” Corum, now stitched up, sported a “Michigan vs. Everybody” sweatshirt along with the beanie he wore during pregame warmups in Happy Valley, prompting me to wonder where I could get my hands on either item.

MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: MICHIGAN STATE

MICHIGAN STATE

Not unlike children in Gaza living under the warped umbrella of Hamas, students attending Michigan State become indoctrinated during their time in East Lansing – indoctrinated to hate the University of Michigan and anyone associated with it with a blind and infinite rage. I watched close friends and former classmates succumb to this phenomenon. At first, I took offense to it, especially from those who had cheered for Michigan at one point in their lives. Granted I was naive, and granted I was (and am) overly sensitive, but some of the things that lifelong friends posted on Facebook (i.e. “scUM”) about the university I attended hurt me. 

As the years went on, though, I realized it was just fucking sad. During the Mark Dantonio era I routinely watched Spartan football players take cheap shots, late hits, commit unsportsmanlike conduct penalties with intent to injure, and generally play dirty when they thought the refs wouldn’t catch them. William Gholston’s actions during the 2011 game exemplified the era. Gholston not only punched Taylor Lewan during that game, he also ripped upwards on Denard Robinson’s facemask while Robinson lay prone at the bottom of a pile after the whistle, yanking his head upwards in doing so. Though Gholston's unsportsmanlike actions earned him a one-game suspension, after the fact, they also surely earned him lifetime membership in the Spartan Dawg Club. Hating Michigan literally becomes a Spartan's entire identity, and this is why Appalachian State remains, for most State fans, one of the biggest victories in the history of their football program. Such an externally focused identity prevents introspection, a skill that just might serve the poster child of dysfunctional institutions (and dysfunctional leadership) well.

Last year, following a 29-7 drubbing in the Big House, some Spartans exposed the dark depths such an indoctrination in hatred ultimately amounts to when at least eight MSU football players grouped up on two Michigan players inside the tunnel and assaulted them. Chris Solari, who covered the game for The Detroit Free Press, witnessed the assault and reported several Spartans punching, shoving, and kicking sophomore defensive back JaDen McBurrows, who suffered a potential broken nose in the assault. Video footage silenced many of the Sparty-homers who tried to defend the assault, but not all of them. That wasn’t even the worst of the thuggery, though. In a separate scuffle, Khary Crump swung his helmet violently at Gemon Green while another Spartan helped restrain him. Green sustained a concussion, in addition to facial and upper body bruises. Bob Wojnowski of The Detroit News aptly summarized the actions of these Spartans as “profound cowardice.” To his credit, Mel Tucker suspended eight of his players for their role in the attack, calling their behavior “inexcusable.” Prosecutors ultimately charged seven of them with crimes. Khary Crump faced a charge of felonious assault. 

That backstory made the 2023 night game at Michigan State a giddy prospect. I wanted blood and I knew Harbaugh wanted it too. MSU was about to get their bare asses paddled in front of their home crowd, and the only question in the weeks leading up to the game was how bad it would be. 

Offensive tackle Trevor Keegan, who admitted after the game that the team wasn’t over last year’s tunnel incident, used at least a tube of eye black to cover his face in warpaint, and his image on the field at Spartan Stadium encapsulated my inner zeitgeist. Keegan painted all of the skin around his eyes black, a look that reminded me of the roided-out Steve Lattimer character from the film The Program, with an added touch of scars at the corners of his mouth a la Heath Ledger’s Joker. The look said it all: no prisoners tonight. This one was not just about beating Sparty to further our long-term goals of a Big Ten and National Championship; this one was about payback, revenge, and justice. It was about sending a message and inflicting rock bottom on a program tarnished by scandal, then not acting like classless goons afterward. 

Saturday, October 21, 2023

Didn’t sleep, Friday night, so I was waiting for the College Gameday shows to start. I wanted to hear the analysts’ takes on Michigan’s most recent NCAA accusation in regards to sign stealing (read: scouting opponents). That bombshell of a story dropped on Thursday, my busy day at work. I dubbed it white noise – people hated Harbaugh – until an ESPN article dropped Friday morning, followed shortly thereafter by the suspension of a Michigan staffer named Connor Stallions. I’d never heard his name before Friday. In the BOX group chat, Paul expressed worry, and that heightened my own a bit. 

Besides that topic, Saturday’s slate featured some interesting games. It started with a Big Ten East showdown, 6-0 Penn State at 6-0 Ohio State. Both ESPN College Gameday and Fox’s Big Noon Kickoff set up shop in Columbus for the affair, providing Buckeye fans the opportunity to salute Urban Meyer and give him a warm homecoming. Also returning was rising NFL star C.J. Stroud, who sat down with the ESPN crew and made the guest picks for College Gameday. Many of the signs in the audience alluded to the Michigan sign-stealing investigation; some were even clever, like “Harbaugh stole my other sign.”

Incredibly, Penn State went 1 for 16 on third downs in the game, with their only conversion coming late in garbage time. Nittany Lions quarterback Drew Allar obviously contributed to that stat, underwhelming in his first appearance on a big stage; he completed only 18 of 42 passes for 191 yards. Fellow first-year starter Kyle McCord was better, but not stellar, going 22 of 35 for 286 yards. The Buckeyes QB had the advantage of throwing to Marvin Harrison Jr., who caught 11 of those balls – half of McCord’s completions – for 162 yards and a touchdown. Harrison Jr. was the clear MVP of the game, in my estimation. 

Tennessee traveled to Bama next. Ex-Michigan QB Joe Milton looked spectacular early, leading the Vols to a 20-7 lead at half, but the Crimson Tide stormed back in the second half, winning 34-20. Cigar smoke wafted across the field at Bryant-Denny. At the same time P.J. Fleck and the Minnesota Gophers battled it out with the offensively challenged Hawkeyes for the bronze pig, also known as the Floyd of Rosedale Trophy. The Gophers celebrated after Iowa’s go-ahead punt return touchdown got negated by the officials, who ruled the Iowa return man had signaled fair catch, a controversial call that left Kinnick Stadium stunned, apoplectic, and pigless. 

Then, at 6:30 CT, Michigan took the field at a hostile Spartan Stadium. The Spartan Dawgs wore their all-black uniforms. Michigan came out in their road white jerseys with navy pants. The weather was chilly enough for Jim Harbaugh to break out the puffer jacket. Absent from the Michigan State sideline was Mel Tucker, who Michigan State fired in September for his involvement in a sexual harassment scandal. Filling his shoes (and headset) was interim head coach and generally upstanding guy Harlon Barnett, who played safety for George Perles at Michigan State from 1986-1989, earning All-American honors during his senior season.

Was there any question that Michigan wanted the ball first? JJ McCarthy, like Trevor Keegan, had used a little extra eye black for the night game, smearing it across his cheeks. Wearing #9, Michigan’s stoic leader took the field at his own 16-yard line after Semaj Morgan foolishly fielded the opening kickoff. JJ snapped the ball and threw a seven-yard completion to Blake Corum, then did the same on the next play for 10 yards. Methodically McCarthy marched his Wolverines down field in this fashion, completing 5 of 6 passing attempts on the drive, one that went 76 yards and lasted six minutes plus. On the 12th play of the drive, he handed the ball to Mr. Automatic. Corum promptly punched it in for his thirteenth touchdown of the season, and James Turner booted the extra point to put the road team up 7-0 early.

After the Michigan defense forced a turnover on downs, McCarthy continued to sharpen his weapons. He went 4 for 4 on the ensuing drive, his fourth completion going to Roman Wilson for a 25-yard touchdown. Wilson's touchdown gave him ten on the year through only eight games, proof the Hawaiian deserved the coveted number one jersey. After allowing a whole 26 yards on MSU's opening drive, Michigan's defense tightened during State's second drive; the drive lasted only three plays and netted the Spartans -5 yards. Punter Ryan Eckley entered the game for the first time and booted it 49 yards, setting up a 1st and 10 for Michigan at their own 34-yard line. From there, McCarthy cooked up another scoring drive, leaning heavily on AJ Barner and Colston Loveland, twin weapons at tight end. A beautiful 22-yard touchdown pass to Loveland beat solid coverage by MSU and gave JJ his second touchdown of the half. His third touchdown of the season, Loveland boldly struck the Paul Bunyan pose in the endzone. Their team in a three-score hole, Spartan Stadium went silent. 

Michigan State finally forced a punt on Michigan’s next possession, but McCarthy picked up where he left off on his fifth possession. After scrambling for 22 yards on the ground, setting up a 1st and 10 from the Michigan State 22-yard line, McCarthy once again found Loveland for a 22-yard touchdown strike, this time on a seam over the middle. That gave JJ three touchdown passes in the first half, two of those coming on beautiful deliveries to Loveland; he looked as sharp as he had all season. Up 28-0, at that point, Michigan refused to let up. After the defense forced yet another punt, McCarthy orchestrated an efficient two-minute drill that saw Michigan march 76 yards in only a minute and a half. A completion to Donovan Edwards on 1st and goal from the 10 pushed the ball to the Michigan State 4-yard line. JJ snapped the ball on 2nd and goal with 8 seconds remaining in the half and connected with AJ Barner for what appeared to be McCarthy's fourth touchdown pass of the half, one that would have given Michigan a cutthroat 35-zilch halftime lead. Alas, officials wiped out Barner's touchdown when they called Donovan Edwards for a phantom false start call. The false start call required a ten-second run off on the game clock; in effect, it gifted Michigan State a mercy ending to the half. Merry Christmas, Sparty. It was still Michigan’s largest halftime lead in the rivalry since 1947.

Perhaps looking for a moral victory, if nothing else, State looked to get back on track when they got the ball to start the second half. Redshirt freshman quarterback Kaitin Houser and the Spartan offense showed signs of life, even moving into Michigan territory, but any hopes still lingering in Spartan Stadium evaporated when Houser threw an interception on 4th and 7. Mike Sainristil picked Houser off and took it 72 yards to the house, scoring his second touchdown of the season. Following the pick-six, Michigan (once again) led 35-0. MSU went three and out, subsequently, then McCarthy threw his career-high fourth touchdown of the night midway through the third quarter, this time finding Barner for an 11-yard score. This time the touchdown stood for Barner, who deserved it. The transfer from Indiana posted career highs with 8 receptions for 99 yards in the blowout. With his team comfortably up 42-0, this was the final time McCarthy saw the field. He finished the night 21 of 27 for 287 passing yards and 4 touchdowns. 

Even in garbage time, however, Michigan accelerated. In a fitting moment, Ja’Den McBurrows, one victim of last year’s tunnel assault, recorded his first career interception in the fourth quarter, picking off MSU backup QB Sam Leavitt on a deflection. On the sideline, McBurrows' teammates swarmed him. "I know how he felt," Mike Sainristil said of McBurrows' pick, "I felt it too." Harbaugh needed few words to describe that moment. "What an amazing thing," he commented wryly. McBurrows also recorded three tackles in the game, including one tackle for a loss.

Then, up 42-0 in the dying seconds of the game, Harbaugh and/or Moore chose not to kneel out the clock. They didn't call for any passes, but they didn't call for any kneel-downs either. Instead, they allowed third string quarterback Alex Orji, a sophomore from Sachse, Texas, to run at will. In total, on the final drive of the game, Orji ran 5 times for 27 yards. With 8 seconds left, he snapped the ball, followed his blockers, and broke arm tackles en route to the endzone for a hard-fought score.  Orji's first touchdown of the season made it 48-0 Wolverines. Harbaugh stopped short of pulling a Woody Hayes, sending out the kicking unit. James Turner’s sixth extra point of the night made it 49-0, which proved the final.

It was a night to forget for Michigan State’s fanbase. Michigan shut out Michigan State in their own stadium, under the lights, and that wasn’t the worst of it for Sparty. The 49-0 rout was the worst home loss in history for the Spartans, and the largest margin of defeat to their in-state rivals since 1947, when the Wolverines defeated the Spartans 55-0. 

To make matters worse, national news outlets picked up on a side-story that made Michigan State look even more foolish post-game. In the BOX group chat, Paul had alluded to this, forwarding a screenshot of the Spartan Stadium videoboard taken just prior to kickoff. Curiously, the video board showed an image of Adolf Hitler, of all people. The operators of the scoreboard had apparently shown an image of the fascist as part of a pregame pop culture quiz, or something, but the reason hardly mattered. The fact that it happened at all underscored the ineptitude of the university. A university spokesman issued an apology for the Hitler imagery during the second half of the game, a moment that must have felt a lot like rock bottom. At a time when the university needed to lay low and let things blow over, they had found the stupidest way to draw attention to themselves. But not all was lost for the Spartan faithful: at least they had a sign-stealing accusation to hang their hat on for the rest of the season; they could root for Tony Pettiti and the NCAA!

"Leave no doubt," Harbaugh had urged his team before the battle in East Lansing. Hanging half a hundred in your rival's backyard leaves little doubt, indeed. When asked if his Spartans had reached their lowest point of the season, Harlon Barnett conceded "it might be," adding, "I thought it was last week." Losers of five straight, Michigan State traveled to Minnesota next, while #2 Michigan, winners of 20 consecutive conference games dating back to 2021, looked forward to a bye week before hosting Purdue on November 4.

Pac 12 After Dark delivered yet again; it didn't hurt that I was riding the high of our 49-0 curbstomping while watching. Without starting quarterback Cameron Rising, #14 Utah went into USC and defeated the #18 Trojans, 34-32, handing Lincoln Riley’s squad an early second defeat that jeopardized the Trojans' title hopes. Then even later in Seattle, the 1-5 Sun Devils of Arizona State put undefeated Washington on upset alert, one nobody had predicted when Saturday's games started. In a shocker of a halftime score, the Sun Devils led 7-3 over the Huskies. ASU handcuffed Michael Penix Jr. all game, forcing him into two interceptions and tarnishing his Heisman resume, but their offensive output – a single touchdown in the first half – proved too little. Washington scored 12 unanswered in the 4th quarter to escape with a 15-7 victory, keeping the dream alive in Seattle for another week at least.

I ended the night country dancing with Paul Cauthen: "It's a quarter to three, you know what I need/ It's a quarter to four, do we have anymore?"

MICHIGAN VS EVERYBODY: INDIANA

 INDIANA

Friday, October 13, 2023

Friday the 13th: I made a mental note, upon waking, to tread cautiously on this inauspicious date. Fittingly, it rained all day, a cold rain that foretold of winter. The soggy weather meant that my Pre-K class had to stay inside all day, making for a long day. I had to close at work; my last preschooler got picked up at 6:37 p.m., seven minutes after closing time, thank you very much. 

From St. Paul I drove west on I-94 to Minneapolis. At my apartment, I took a quick bath, made a cup of coffee, and changed before I headed back out for a night at Kara’s. From Hennepin I hopped back on I-94, taking it east across the river, and exited onto University Avenue near Greek Row. When I got to Kara’s townhouse, we placed an online takeout order with Stray Dog, a nearby restaurant that she recommended. Both of us ordered burgers and fries, and a few minutes later we started walking to Stray Dog to pick up our food, holding hands in the drizzly rain. After dinner, we watched Friday the 13th, the original, in part because it was Friday the 13th, after all, but also because Kara, to my consternation, told me she had never seen it. 

Around midnight I drove back to my apartment, crossing the Mississippi River for the fourth time in a day. The rain had finally ceased but the roads were wet and glossy. Back in my ground-floor apartment I turned on the television and found that the lowly Stanford Cardinal had come back from a 29-0 halftime deficit against Deion Sanders’ Buffaloes. After gaining only 115 yards in the first half, Stanford looked like a different team in the second half in all facets, prompting one to wonder what was said in the Stanford locker room. Taking advantage of Colorado’s weak secondary, the Cardinal scored four unanswered touchdowns in the third quarter – the second came on a 97-yard touchdown pass from Ashton Daniels to Elic Ayomanor, the third on a 60-yard pass between the same parties – to cut the lead to 3. Colorado answered with a touchdown of their own to start the fourth quarter, but Stanford swung right back. That cut the Colorado lead to 39-36 with five minutes left in the game. A wicked Colorado punt pinned Stanford at their own 1-yard line with just under three minutes to go, but Colorado’s defense, suddenly Swiss cheese, was unable to take advantage of it. Stanford drove 71 yards in 13 plays, setting up an opportunity for a last-second field goal to force overtime. Cardinal kicker Joshua Karty nailed it.

Both teams scored touchdowns in the first overtime frame: Shedeur Sanders threw his fifth TD pass of the night on the opening possession; Ashton Daniels, not to be outdone, threw his fourth of the night on the very next play, forcing double overtime. Then Shedeur Sanders, who had been brilliant all game, made the critical mistake in double OT, throwing an interception in the endzone. Sanders’ turnover meant Stanford needed only a field goal to win. The Cardinal refused to throw, at that point; Ashton Daniels ran the ball three times for a total of 12 yards before Stanford sent out the kicking team. Once again, Karty nailed it, sending the fans at Folsom home in a somber mood, one exacerbated by the fact that Coach Prime’s team had dropped three of its last four games after starting the season 3-0 (their schedule wouldn’t get any easier, either, as their next three opponents were all ranked in the top 25). What a game, what an upset. What a way to kick off the football weekend. 

Saturday, October 14, 2023

Having stayed up late to watch Stanford’s comeback victory, I slept in a bit Saturday morning. These days, that means like 8:30 or 9:00. FOX’s Big Noon Kickoff crew visited South Bend, Indiana, this week, to preview the Notre Dame – USC rivalry game. In a lengthy pregame segment, Matt Leinart and Brady Quinn, two of the hosts, reminisced about the infamous 2005 game they played in. That game culminated in a controversial last-second touchdown in which Reggie Bush physically pushed Leinart into the endzone for the game-winning score. While heroic, Bush’s assistance constituted an illegal act, a violation of Section 3, Article 2b of the NCAA rulebook. Referees, therefore, should have thrown a flag, negating the go-ahead score, but no laundry appeared, hence the controversial but unforgettable finish. Nicknamed the “Bush Push” game, it is widely considered one of the greatest games in college football history.

Despite FOX’s visit to South Bend, NBC actually had the broadcast rights for that game, and it didn’t start until 7:30. What followed Big Noon Kickoff instead was the Michigan versus Indiana game from the Big House, with Joel Klatt and Gus Johnson – two of my personal faves – calling the game for FOX. Ranked second, nationally – behind only Georgia – 6-0 Michigan took the field in its all-blue uniforms, with most players sporting knee-high yellow socks. This alternate look has grown on me a lot, especially after we wore them during the magical 2021 Ohio State game. Indiana, coming into the matchup with a lackluster 2-3 record (their two wins came at the expense of Indiana State and Akron, the latter requiring four overtimes), wore all-white uniforms with candy-apple red helmets. Michigan kicked off in a light rain, the thermometer hovering just below 50 degrees on an overcast day in Ann Arbor. Many of the 110,000 plus packed inside Michigan Stadium wore ponchos or light jackets.

Going back to 1988, Indiana had lost 27 of their last 28 meetings with Michigan, but they had frequently tested us during the Tom Allen era, winning outright in 2020. This year, Vegas listed Michigan as a massive, 33-point favorite, yet the first quarter suggested this one would be another tight one. The Hoosiers defense gave Michigan trouble early on, forcing three-and-outs on Michigan’s first two offensive possessions. In fact, Michigan’s net yardage after those first two drives amounted to -8 yards.

Indiana’s offense looked competent early, too. On their second possession, they drove the ball all the way to the Michigan 10-yard line before a false start penalty pushed them back, forcing a 3rd and 12. Subsequently, Hoosiers QB Tayven Jackson, a transfer from Tennessee, threw an errant ball towards the end zone; Mike Sainristil tipped the ball and Rod Moore picked it off, running 38 yards before being brought down by an offensive lineman at the 40-yard line. 

Moore’s interception should have shifted the momentum in Michigan’s favor, but it didn’t. Michigan’s second three-and-out to start the game forced them to punt it back to Indiana, who turned to backup QB Brendan Sorsby for its third possession. Indiana finished, this time. On 1st and 10 from the Michigan 44, Sorsby threw a wide receiver screen to Donovan McCulley, and McCulley then launched a deep ball to a wide open Jaylin Lucas, who hauled it in for a 44-yard touchdown. With 2:17 left in the opening quarter, Indiana took a shocking 7-0 lead, silencing the Michigan faithful and causing my blood pressure to rise. 

Yet the first quarter proved a fluke. Michigan thoroughly owned the remainder of the game, scoring touchdowns on 7 of their next 8 possessions. In a drive that ate up nearly six minutes of game clock, JJ McCarthy finally found a rhythm on Michigan’s next possession. He completed two passes to Colston Loveland for 13 yards each, one to Cornelius Johnson for 15, and another of 15 yards to Blake Corum, methodically moving Michigan into the redzone. From there, Sherrone Moore leaned heavily on his most reliable player, Blake Corum, who concluded the drive with a patented one-yard smash for the equalizer. 

As proved the case in the preceding weeks, Michigan’s defense tightened as the game progressed. They forced another punt on Indiana’s next possession, then JJ and the offense picked up right where they had left off, executing another imposing drive that saw Michigan march 87 yards in five and a half minutes. Faced with a fourth down and goal from the 2-yard line, Moore kept his offensive unit on the field. Indiana was probably expecting another run from Corum, and for precisely that reason Moore dialed up a pass play. The stout Wolverine offensive line gave JJ plenty of time to read through his progressions, and he eventually found a wide open Roman Wilson in the back of the endzone for an easy touchdown pass. Michigan regained the lead, 14-7, and the crowd started to roar back to life. 

Michigan’s defense promptly forced another three-and-out, the last thing Indiana’s tired defense needed. On the ensuing punt, Tyler Morris fielded the ball off of a bounce, split two defenders, and broke free for a 31-yard return that gave Michigan excellent field position, setting up JJ and co. at the Indiana 46 with just under two minutes remaining in the half. With precision Michigan chewed up most of that clock. Once again they pushed the ball to within a yard of the endzone, and once again Corum smashed it home from there. His second touchdown of the game gave Michigan a 21-7 halftime lead and more or less erased any anxiety I had built up in the course of the first quarter. I packed a bowl, put on my smoking jacket, and went out to the alley to power up.

The second half of the game followed the same script as the second quarter, with Michigan’s offense wearing down the opponent’s defense with long, grueling drives and the defense shutting the Hoosiers offense down. It took the Wolverines only two and a half minutes to open the scoring in the third quarter. This time McCarthy connected with an open Colston Loveland downfield for a 54-yard touchdown, putting the home team up 28-7. Indiana ran three plays for a net total of -13 yards on their next possession, promptly giving the ball back to a Michigan offense that was now firing on all cylinders. Indeed, within three minutes of game time Michigan had added another touchdown, this one a touchdown pass to Semaj Morgan. Indiana trailed 35-7.

That was pretty much how the rest of the game went. Indiana fumbled on their next possession, and the Michigan offense scored their sixth touchdown. Indiana turned the ball over on downs, and Michigan kicked a field goal. Tayven Jackson, reinserted as QB for the second half, threw his second interception, and Michigan answered with yet another touchdown, a touchdown pass from backup QB Jack Tuttle to Karmello English. Michigan scored on all five of its possessions in the half. Final score: 52-7. 

To me, a biased observer, JJ McCarthy looked just as impressive as both Michael Penix Jr. and Bo Nix, the two Heisman front runners who squared off directly after the Michigan game in the matchup of the day. Granted, I took a nap during the first half of the Washington – Oregon game, so I cannot claim to have watched both quarterbacks intently, but I woke up during the second half and watched the rest, including a dramatic finish. Nix and the Ducks overcame an 11-point second half deficit, storming back to take a 33-29 lead with 12 minutes remaining, but Oregon played with fire by going for it on 4th down and 3 at the Washington 47-yard line with only 1:38 left. Nix threw an incompletion on the 4th and 3 play, and Penix needed only two plays and 33 seconds to take advantage. In what might have been his Heisman moment, he threw a 33-yard pass to Ja’lynn Polk for a first down, then connected with Rome Odunze in the endzone, giving the Huskies a 36-33 lead and prompting mass frenzy at Husky Stadium, truly a beautiful stadium right on the water in Seattle. When Oregon missed a 43-yard field goal attempt as the clock expired, the purple and gold faithful stormed the field. Prince’s “Purple Rain” fittingly blasted from the loudspeakers. It looked like a special season at UW. 

“In my estimation,” Paul Cav wrote in the BOX House group chat, responding to questions about McCarthy’s standing in the race, “Penix leads in the Heisman race but won’t win come November.” I tended to agree with the first part of that statement, at least, especially after the nightcap games, Saturday night. In the big one, USC at Notre Dame, Caleb Williams flat out laid an egg. The reigning Heisman Trophy winner threw three interceptions in a blowout 48-20 loss to Notre Dame, a loss that put USC’s title hopes in serious jeopardy. 

A bonus game for us fiends, the Aztecs of San Diego State played at Hawaii at 11:00 p.m. ET. I found it streaming on YouTube and watched in bed until I drifted off to sleep.

MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: MINNESOTA

 Monday, October 2, 2023

Despite my usual Monday off, the world has me feeling glum today. Feeling homesick, I yearn to be back in Michigan today. Three-day weekends do that to me, sometimes. On the bright side: two people said good morning to me as I left the apartment to walk to Hennepin Tobacco; Al visits this weekend for the Michigan game at Minnesota Saturday night; also, I wrote a page of chapter 19 this morning at Mueller Park, a positive sign for my mental health. To further combat the Monday blues, I walked to Lake of the Isles to read and write; near the pencil sculpture on the northeast side of the lake, a guy played Dylan’s “The Times They are A-Changin” on the guitar. I wondered if it was an omen. It certainly wasn't a bad sign, I figured.

Friday, October 7, 2023

True Autumn arrived today; my iPhone’s weather app read 45 degrees this morning, so I got my North Face fleece out for the first time before driving to work. Ms. Emily and I had a good day at school. Fridays are usually a little more chill than the rest of the week. After school, I went to pick up the party supplies for the weekend.

Al flew in from Grand Rapids this evening. He took an Uber from MSP and arrived at my apartment complex around 8. We hugged it out, then we both snorted a line of cocaine off the glossy black surface of my Bruce Springsteen songbook. After a couple more we walked to Walgreens to pick up some Gatorades and snacks. From there it was only a short walk to Lake of the Isles, a place I wanted Al to see, but when we got there I realized it’s not much to look at in the dark. 

Back at the apartment, we snorted some more lines and set up a bed for Al on the floor using my camping supplies, including my sleeping pad and sleeping bag. I suggested we watch the ESPN documentary Once Upon a Time in Anaheim. It examines the production of The Mighty Ducks, including the creative process of young and then-unknown writer Stephen Brill, and how the films’ success led to the Disney-owned NHL franchise in Anaheim. I found Brill’s writing insight valuable. One fact I learned from the documentary was that Brill named the legendary Gordon Bombay for the two types of gin he drank at the time, Gordon’s and Bombay. 

Next I asked Al if he’d watched Unrivaled yet. “Negative,” he answered. Aghast, I demanded we watch it immediately; it is must-watch material for any Red Wings fan -- for any hockey fan for that matter. Unrivaled: Red Wings vs. Avalanche, a special episode from ESPN’s E:60 series, documented the bloody history of the Red Wings – Avalanche rivalry that dominated the hockey universe in the late nineties and early aughts, focusing on the historic night of March 26, 1997, when Darren McCarty got revenge on Detroit's public enemy numero uno, Claude Lemieux. The night came to be known in Detroit as “Fight Night at the Joe.” The documentary starts with a surprise reunion between Lemieux and McCarty. They call themselves friends now, despite their vitriolic history, and the story is told from both their perspectives. It humanizes Lemieux in the process, and functions as a call for peace, of sorts, a reminder that hockey is only a game, after all. At the same time, it immortalizes that rivalry and that night; Al and I, like anyone who came of age watching those teams in the nineties, recalled it all with nostalgia as one of those truly special seasons in one's life. It was an era we'd been trying to recapture ever since.

Around three a.m., Al started dozing off. I opened the YouTube app via my Roku and put on the 2021 Michigan – Ohio State game, a certified classic. Watching it, I realized I had forgotten how dominant Hassan Haskins was in the game. In a Biakabatuka-like performance, the senior from Eureka, Missouri ran for 169 yards and 5 touchdowns, matching the record for most touchdowns by one player in the history of the rivalry. I professed, after that magical day of snow flurries in Ann Arbor, that Michigan should build a statue for Haskins to commemorate his performance. Another player who had a legendary performance that day was Aidan Hutchinson, a player I felt a personal kinship to as we both attended Dearborn Divine Child High School; the future Detroit Lion recorded three sacks on Buckeye QB C.J. Stroud, wreaking havoc all game and cementing his status as a Michigan legend. I recalled watching that game in Frank’s garage, crying tears of joy as I watched fans storm the field at Michigan Stadium in a moment of monumental catharsis for all of us persecuted Wolverines fans. Of course, this inspired me to watch the 2022 game afterward, the one when J.J. McCarthy delivered his own legendary performance. I fell asleep sometime during that one, probably close to five in the morning.

Saturday, October 8, 2023

I got four hours of sleep tops; Al didn’t get much more – the floor of my apartment couldn’t have been too comfortable, but I did warn him about the size of my apartment beforehand, hinting that he might want to reserve a hotel room instead but assuring him he was welcome to stay with me. He and I have certainly spent nights in worse situations. No matter. We had blow for breakfast. Al ordered DoorDash. I ordered a sausage and egg bagel; he got an omelet. We both drank coffee. 

In addition to the marching powder, we started the day lounging, with the TV tuned between FOX's Big Noon Kickoff and ESPN's College Gameday, the latter streamed illegally via YouTube. ESPN's Gameday crew appeared live from Columbus, Ohio, where 10,00 alumni and 90,000 truckers soon filed into the Horseshoe for a showdown with Taulia Tagovailoa and the Maryland Terrapins. I told Al I wanted to bet on the game, as I thought Maryland's high-powered offense would keep the game tight enough to cover the 14-point spread. 

Also at 11, the Red River Rivalry kicked off on ABC. We turned the channel briefly to that. Surprisingly, Oklahoma jumped out to a 7-0 lead over the third-ranked Texas Longhorns. We switched back to root against Ohio State. Maryland led for much of the game, but in the end, Taulia Tagovailoa made too many costly mistakes, including two interceptions and a boneheaded, egregious clock management gaffe to end the first half. First-year starter Riley McCord and the Buckeyes took a 20-17 lead in the fourth quarter before running away with it late. Maryland failed to even cover. Less predictably, on ABC, Oklahoma prevailed late over the Horns. Meanwhile Al and I showered, snorted some final lines, put on our jerseys, and prepared to head out to the Minnesota campus for tailgating. 

Around two we walked up to a liquor store at 27th and Hennepin. Al bought a 12-pack of Coors and a THC seltzer for me. From there we ordered an Uber and waited at a picnic table outside. The Uber drove us over the Mississippi River, up Greek Row, and into campus. "We were already blackout drunk by now," Al and I agreed, scoffing at frat bros still setting up orange mesh fencing on their lawns. Indeed, crowds looked scarce at all but one or two fraternity houses. The Uber driver let us out at a parking lot filled with burgundy and yellow tents, many from which long, wavy flag poles displayed Gopher colors in stripes, block Minnesota M's, even Twins flags. 

Our first destination was a tent tailgate within this parking lot where we met Al's brother, Nick, and his family. Many years ago, Nick bought us booze during our first months in college at Michigan; we used to walk to his house off campus and bring beer back to the dorms in our backpacks. I felt awkward, socially, and drank my THC seltzer in front of a big screen TV while Al tossed the football to his two nephews. Kistler and Joe, two older BOX guys from Nick's era, showed up buzzing from Adderall. When I told them what we had, their eyes lit up. We made a plan to meet up to snort some before the game, though I knew we never would. 

Next, we wandered a couple blocks north to another parking lot, one B-Russ (who had flown in from California for the weekend) called the "Raising Cane's Parking Lot." Following Al's phone, we realized we missed a turn and circled back. We found B-Russ and the old White Street gang – Mark Ausborn, John Gietzen, James Paulson, Big Asian Dave – drinking beers under a Minnesota tent that was attached to a black pickup truck. They huddled around a big screen TV, ostensibly cheering on the Minnesota Twins in their playoff matchup with Houston. Some hugs were exchanged upon our arrival, some double takes. With Justin Verlander on the hill, the Astros had taken an early lead on the Twins. B-Russ was animated, a little tipsy, as to be expected for a dad reconnected with the college crew and on the loose, free from domestic responsibility for a weekend. I knew he and Al were getting drunk when the conversation turned to such college traditions as "playing through," "Bill Nye the Science Guy," and "Poop Wars." "I don't think that game would be considered PC by today's standards," Paulson weighed in. With Al in his element, I felt slightly out of mine. 

An escape to the porta-potties, where I snorted a couple big bumps off a ten-dollar bill, loosened me up considerably. I started talking to everyone after that. The host of the tailgate couldn't have been kinder. He asked where I worked, and when I told him, he said his daughter attended one of our schools in Nebraska. His spread impressed, too, though we didn't eat much: Raising Cane's chicken (a Minnesota favorite), endless breadsticks, French fries, and an assortment of cookies. B-Russ and Al smoked stogies. I talked to John Gietzen, always my favorite of the White Street gang, who told me he still had Biff, his taxidermized Wolverine; we reminisced about the 2013 Michigan Basketball season, when we had post-grad season tickets with Chris Orr. I also chatted with Big Asian Dave, who recounted his experience as a contestant on Jeopardy! It was good to talk to B-Russ, of course, too. I hadn't seen him in probably a decade. 

As sunset approached temperatures plummeted. The wind made for a nippy feeling in the air, the first true hint of autumn. Al and I regretted not bringing jackets. In the seventh inning, the Twins belted back-to-back home runs to cut the lead to 5-4, prompting a collective roar from every tailgate tent in every surrounding parking lot. It seemed like a jolt of life. I stood in the line for the porta-potties for five minutes, then snorted the last of the cocaine off Al's ten-dollar bill. Now I was in my element, too.

A frantic final half hour leading up to kickoff ensued. Beers had to be finished, pounded. Food had to be boxed up and put away in coolers. Solo cups went in trash bags. The tent had to come down; stogies had to be put out. We walked toward the stadium five minutes before kickoff, Al and B-Russ in front of me so that Al's Obi Ezeh jersey formed the foreground of my view towards the huge gray block M scoreboard on the north side of Huntington Bank Stadium. The trees along the campus streets were still mostly green, with tinges of cornstalk yellow making the edges look frayed. The sky was overcast but powder blue behind the clouds. Straight ahead was the redbrick stadium, and inside the stadium fans appeared in blurred form, from a distance, splotches of burgundy and yellow. The view showed a perfect night for football, a perfect environment. 

Approaching from the endzone entrance outside the video board, we found long lines extending outside the stadium gates. Here some fans pounded mini liquor bottles or last beer cans and tossed them aside in the bushes. The stadium broadcaster's voice echoed out to us, in addition to the final notes of the Star-Spangled Banner. B-Russ checked his phone for any last-minute updates: Michigan won the coin toss and deferred. Sophomore quarterback Athan Kaliakmanis and the Gopher offense took the field. We were still standing in line and listening to the stadium broadcaster when, on the second play from scrimmage, Kaliakmanis dropped back to pass; Will Johnson, perhaps Michigan's best corner since Charles Woodson, picked him off and took it to the house for a pick six. Michigan fans in the lines – us included – jumped up and down in glee. The Wolverines led 7-0 before we ever entered the stadium. 

Shivering in line, we fortunately found the stadium warmer – not only in the interior concourse and toasty restrooms but in the bleachers, too, as the brick exterior of the stadium blocked the wind. Al and I parted with B-Russ and Gietzen, who went to find their own seats. At a concession stand on the upper concourse, Al bought two beers for himself and a coffee for me, then we found our section and made our way up to our seats. Michigan wore its all-white uniforms. Minny wore all burgundy, with chrome gold Ms on their helmets. The field was kelly green, bookended by burgundy endzones with yellow print, the sky periwinkle at dusk. In the seats to our right we found one very inebriated middle-aged Michigan fan, who went on to sleep through the majority of the game to his friends' chagrin. To our left was a family of mixed allegiances, with a Gopher dad, a hot Wolverine mom, and a 10-year-old of ambiguous gender with shoulder-length blonde hair, the offspring wearing a combination of Michigan and Minnesota gear. When Al spilled some beer and started issuing profanities, I worried about the innocence of this 10-year old to my left, but the family appeared seasoned stadium-goers, accustomed to the antics of over-intoxicated fans, steadfastly attuned to the game. 

Despite the early pick-six, Gopher fans appeared rowdy and boisterous – eager to row the boat – and they continued to appear so even after all cause for enthusiasm and optimism ceased to exist. Al and I both commented on this phenomenon, perhaps a variant on the Minnesota-nice stereotype, wherein they maintained a perpetual, at times sarcastic optimism in regard to their Gophers, the Big Ten's lovable losers. They were in year seven of the P.J. Fleck era, still middling at best, twenty-point dogs at home against Michigan. Yet they refused to let it damper their collective mindset. 

Cause for optimism among the home crowd did not cease to exist all at once but rather slowly, as was the case for most of Michigan's 2023 opponents per its boa-constrictor modus operandi. In fact, Minnesota managed some nice drives early, mostly running the ball with success, and despite Kaliakmanis gifting Will Johnson a touchdown, they only trailed 10-3 at the end of the first quarter. 

Michigan got its first offensive score at the ten-minute mark of the second quarter. Blake Corum had busted loose for a 40-yard run earlier in the drive. Then Donovan Edwards carried the ball five yards to the 1-yard line. From there, Blake the Great smashed it home, giving Michigan a fourteen-point advantage. After the defense forced a three and out, JJ got going on the next offensive possession, connecting with Cornelius Johnson for a 49-yard strike before scrambling for a five- yard touchdown on the very next play. James Turner’s extra point made it 24-3. That would have been the halftime score if not for Minnesota’s play of the game, which came on the next series. Minnesota picked up two fourth down conversions on the drive and moved the ball into Michigan territory as time ticked away in the first half. Then, on 2nd and 10 from the Michigan 35, with only thirteen seconds left in the half, Kaliakmanis dropped back and delivered a beautiful spiral on a fade route to wide receiver Daniel Jackson in the endzone. In stride, Jackson hauled it in for the Gophers touchdown. Huntington Bank Stadium erupted. Finally, they had something real to cheer about. They still trailed by 14 at half. 

Gopher fans wished us good luck on the concourse and in the bathrooms during halftime. “These fans are friendlier than any I’ve encountered before,” Al and I agreed. 

Tightening its grip, the Michigan boa constrictor sucked the life from the Gophers in the second half. McCarthy commenced the scoring midway through the third quarter when he scrambled seven yards for his second rushing touchdown of the night. Capping a 9-play, 78-yard drive – a drive that included completions of 17 and 34 yards, respectively, to Roman Wilson – this one put us ahead 31-10. JJ wasn’t done yet. On the next possession he threw a 24-yard touchdown pass to Colston Loveland. Trailing 38-10, at that point, Athan Kaliakmanis subsequently threw his second interception. It was another costly one: Keon Sabb took it 28 yards to the house for Michigan’s second pick-six of the night. Cue the Minnesota student exodus; the Gophers trailed 45-10. 

Half the stadium had emptied by the time Al and I decided to head out in the fourth. Only three or four minutes of actual game clock remained. It was chilly. If we thought we were getting a head start on traffic, we had another thing coming. Traffic was completely stalled in Minneapolis. An Uber picked us up about a half mile from the stadium, but we waited upwards of 20 minutes in the backseat just to merge onto the highway. The music our driver played caused a double take. “Is this a real song?” we wondered. “Is he singing ‘fuck you back to sleep girl?!’ The song sounded catchy, actually, in a punch-drunk way, but then we googled the lyrics and realized Chris Brown authored the song.

“Aren’t we responsible, now,” Al mused when we finally returned to my apartment, “saving some blow for the nightcap.” He snorted a slug of a line from my Bruce Springsteen book and divvied one out for me with a plastic card. “The cocaine did hit the spot,” I agreed. We ordered wings and turned on the late-night game from the West coast, USC versus Arizona. Stunningly, Arizona bottle-rocketed to a 17-0 lead, but Caleb Williams and the Trojan offense answered with two touchdowns of their own. Al called Austin to see how her birthday celebration went. He put her on speaker phone. “Happy birthday Austin!” I bellowed. She sounded very intoxicated. 

Al took a gummy in hopes it would put him to sleep. I stayed up and finished the powder. When I woke up Sunday afternoon, Al was still laying on the floor, watching NFL coverage at a low volume. He went to visit his brother and nephew before his flight left Sunday night. Grateful for my Monday off, I savored Sunday Night Football, which pitted NFC contenders Dallas and San Francisco against one another.

R.I.P. Obi Ezeh (1988-2024)

MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: NEBRASKA

 @ NEBRASKA

Saturday, September 30, 2023

Crinkly leaves blew on the sidewalk, making scraping sounds that were audible in the silence of pre-coffee Uptown on a Saturday morning. The weather app on my phone said it was already 82 degrees, pretty hot for early morning and pretty hot for the last day of September. Despite the Indian Summer weather, however, the grass at Mueller Park remained wet from heavy rains that fell in the preceding week, forcing me to forego my usual spot on the grassy hill in favor of a picnic table. I set my canvas tote bag down on the bench of the table and read a few pages of Misery by Stephen King, smoking a pair of Marlboro Lights while I did so. I was still unwinding from a particularly stressful Friday at work. Actually, it had been more than stressful. In the middle of the school day, just after lunch, a teacher from another room came into my classroom to inform my coteacher and me that a rogue tow truck driver was towing vehicles from the parking lot the school shared with the bank next door. I hadn't parked in one of the bank's designated spots, so I wasn't worried; as a matter of fact I had parked in the same unmarked spot every day for more than a year. Then the teacher came back to report that the towing predator had towed away my coteacher's vehicle and was in the process of towing mine. As I discovered later, towing from these spots constituted a violation of Minnesota state law, which requires a tow company to give 24 hours before towing cars from private but deceptively unmarked parking spots. I burst into the parking lot when the bastard had my car halfway up on the tow truck. I confronted him right there, pointing out his own stupid logic: "look at the private parking spots. They have signs. This one doesn't." 

"You're a teacher?" he smirked. "You're an angry teacher. I'd hate to have you as mine." That ticked me off. "And?" I replied. "You drive a tow truck for a living." "I've been doing this for 40 years," he bragged, as if that were some sort of accomplishment. "Doing a lot of good for the community, huh?" I responded sarcastically. He refused to let my car down, knowing he had a payday in it. Sweet capitalism. Even though the owner of my school paid for the towing expenses, the confrontation left me angry and flustered, so much so that I found our towing hero's name and called him up that night to ask if he followed Minnesota state laws in the course of his job. "I'm looking at the statute right now," I told him, "I wonder what the authorities would think of your practices." All things considered, I was looking forward to a full day of college football, knowing it'd help me push the incident and the negative emotions conjured by it out of mind.

Around ten I went back to my apartment to catch the last hour of Fox's Big Noon Kickoff Preview Show. Urban Meyer, Brady Quinn, Matt Leinart, and gang broadcasted live from Boulder, Colorado for the second time in three weeks. This time, the Sanders family took on eighth-ranked USC in a Pac-12 clash, one that had lost some of its luster after Oregon routed Colorado the week prior. Were the Buffaloes pretenders? That appeared to be the case early on; Caleb Williams and the Trojans raced to a blitzkrieg 21-0 start, silencing the Folsom crowd. Williams looked like the frontrunner to repeat as Heisman Trophy winner; he threw the ball all over the field against the Buffaloes' depleted secondary, putting up video game numbers. In total, he threw for 403 yards and 6 touchdowns on the day. Neither team played much defense for that matter. At the half, USC led 34-14. 

Third quarter action saw USC pad their lead with another couple of touchdowns. Their team down 48-21, at that point, many of the Colorado fans started making their way to the exits at Folsom. Yet Shedeur Sanders fought on, to his credit, demonstrating his mettle by leading a furious fourth quarter rally and nearly pulling off the unbelievable. He threw for three touchdown passes in the final sixteen minutes of the game, all of them unanswered scores. The third of those, a sixteen-yard pass to Jimmy Horn Jr., made it a one-score game with USC leading 48-41, but only 1:45 remained in the game. With no timeouts left, Coach Prime had no choice but to try for an onside kick. He sent out kicker Jace Feely, the son of legendary Michigan kicker Jay Feely, to do the job, but Colorado's magic ran dry then and there. USC fielded it clean, then ran out the clock to avoid an epic collapse. Lincoln Riley's Trojans stayed unbeaten through five games, putting them squarely in contention for the College Football Playoff. Colorado, on the other hand, suddenly fell to 3-2 on the season despite Shedeur Sanders' heroics.

Elsewhere in early games around the college football universe, Kentucky licked #22 Florida 33-14 at Kroger Field in Lexington. Not far outside Chicago, a scandal-tarnished Northwestern team looked to play spoiler when they hosted #13 Penn State at Ryan Field. To their credit, the Wildcats fought the Nittany Lions to a stalemate in the first half; the teams went into the locker rooms at half tied 10-10, a shocker of a halftime score that necessitated changing the channel to check the game out. Naturally. I pulled for Northwestern, the underdog, but Penn State imposed their will in the second half. The Nittany Lions outscored the Wildcats 31-3 after halftime, giving James Franklin's squad a 41-13 victory that kept them undefeated through their first five contests. Penn State hosted U-Mass next in a tune-up game before they traveled to Columbus for a showdown with Ohio State, one ripe with Big Ten title ramifications for both schools.

Michigan played next in the 2:30 CT time slot, having traveled to Nebraska for their first road test of the season. Forever Michigan's enemy for taking a claim of the 1997 National Championship, Nebraska entered the contest with a middling record of 2-2, having lost back-to-back games to Minnesota (on a last-second field goal) and Colorado to start the season, Nebraska's first under Matt Ruhle after the school parted ways with Scott Frost in 2022. Ruhle was a good get for the Huskers, who have been mired in mediocrity pretty much since their glory years under Tom Osborn, but the back-to-back losses in Ruhle's first two games at the helm demonstrated that the rebuild would take time. Vegas listed Michigan as a 17-point favorite on the road. 

At kickoff, the broadcast team reported, the temperature in Lincoln, Nebraska was 93 degrees. That qualified as the hottest starting temperature for a game at Nebraska's Memorial Stadium since 1985, when Florida State visited in early September of that year for a battle of eighties powerhouses. The heat only worsened throughout the day, with temperatures reaching 96 by mid-game.

Michigan started with possession of the ball, and JJ McCarthy wasted no time marching his offense down the field. The drive lasted over five minutes, covering 75 yards in 11 plays. JJ capped the drive with a 29-yard touchdown pass to Roman Wilson, who made a circus catch sure to be added to the season highlight reel. Wilson, standing near the back of the endzone, reached over the head and shoulders of Huskers defender Isaac Gifford to catch the slightly underthrown pass, pinning the ball against Gifford's back to maintain possession as he fell out of bounds. Even the referee seemed mesmerized, incredulous, delaying a call for several seconds before putting his hands in the air to signal touchdown. The roar of a sellout crowd of 87,000 plus (Nebraska's 392nd straight sellout) quieted to a murmur as James Turner booted the extra point, giving the visitors an early 7-0 advantage. 

Nebraska's response fell flat, and fast. Their opening possession started from the 25-yard line after Tommy Doman kicked the ball into the endzone for a touchback, but it didn't last long. On first and 10, Huskers running back Anthony Grant took a handoff and ran for one yard. Then on 2nd and 9, quarterback Heinrich Haarberg, who started the season as a tight end but switched back to quarterback after QB1 Jeff Sims suffered an injury in the loss to Colorado, attempted his first pass of the game. Braiden McGregor, Michigan's 6'6 end from Port Huron, put up his right fist and deflected the pass, batting it up. Tracking the ball's trajectory was big boy Kenneth Grant, a 339-pounder from Indiana, who cradled the ball as it fell into his paws for his first career interception. 

Grant's interception gave Michigan the ball at Nebraska's 29-yard line. They capitalized quickly, needing only three plays for the score. Corum ran on the first play for 4 yards, then on the second for 5 yards. On 3rd and 1, JJ handed the ball to Kalel Mullings, who broke free for his first touchdown of the season, a 20-yard scamper that put the Wolverines ahead 14-0. 

Nebraska put together a nice little drive with their second possession, pushing the ball into the red zone before Jesse Minter's defense tightened and forced a 4th down and 1 at the 12. Ruhle, the first-year coach looking for a statement win, rolled the dice, calling for a quarterback sneak a la the Philadelphia Eagles' "tush-push." It failed. Michigan's defensive front stuffed Haarberg, forcing a turnover on downs; at that point, it was still the first quarter, but the turnover on downs felt like a death knell for the Huskers' hopes of making it a competitive game. 

By halftime, Michigan had scored touchdowns on 4 of its 5 possessions (JJ scored the team's third touchdown on a 21-yard quarterback scamper, then connected with Wilson again with only 23 seconds left in the first half for the team's fourth TD). Accounting for three of those four touchdowns, McCarthy looked as sharp as he had all season, slinging the ball with zip and accuracy. The Wolverines led 28-0 going into the locker rooms. The deficit and the sweltering heat convinced many Huskers fans to head for the exits early, such that by the time the second half started, Memorial Stadium appeared half-empty. Wake them up when volleyball season starts, I guess.

That 28-point halftime lead felt so comfortable that Mom, Dad, Kate, and Jim Racine took the boat out on Little Crooked Lake; via text, I received a picture of them seated on the pontoon boat with a caption that said "Go Blue! Halftime score calls for a boat ride." They looked great. It made me miss them dearly. I utilized the break at half to walk back to the park to read some more of Misery and smoke another heater.

Nonetheless Nebraska refused to quit. Getting the ball to start the half, the Cornhuskers kicked off the third quarter with their biggest offensive play of the game theretofore, a 56-yard pass from Haarberg to Marcus Washington that gave them a first and ten at the Michigan 19. It gave the loyal fans remaining in attendance at Memorial Stadium something to cheer for, at least, but it proved fruitless ultimately. Nebraska's offense sputtered in the red zone. Then Braiden McGregor recorded a big sack of Haarberg on 3rd down and 7, forcing a field goal attempt on 4th and 14 that the Nebraska kicker proceeded to shank. McCarthy then finished his day by leading the offense on another patented Michigan drive that ate up a big chunk of the clock and wore down the opposing defense; this one chewed up nearly six minutes, covering 78 yards in 11 plays. This time, Blake Corum finished the drive, hammering it home from the one-yard line to keep his touchdown-per-game streak alive. 

Backups started easing into the game for the Wolverines with the score out of reach. Jack Tuttle replaced McCarthy at quarterback midway through the third, leading an impressive drive of his own that resulted in a 30-yard field goal. That pushed the lead to 38. At this point, I briefly switched channels to check in on the Georgia versus Auburn game, which I'd read was 17-10 Auburn, this a major upset alert. By the time I switched channels, though, the mighty Bulldogs had reclaimed the lead 20-17. I switched back to FOX to find a quarterback named Jayden Denegal commanding the Michigan offense. Denegal is a black quarterback from California who wore Harbaugh's old number 4 jersey, but other than that I knew little about him. Apparently, he can throw laser beams, though. He demonstrated as much on his only passing attempt of the game, a frozen rope to Peyton O'Leary in the endzone for Michigan's sixth touchdown of the game. 

Following O'Leary's touchdown reception, Michigan led 45-0 with only four minutes left. Their flirtation with a shutout ended when Joshua Fleeks broke free for a 74-yard touchdown run against Michigan's backups, but such trivial accomplishments mattered not a bit to Michigan's players and coaches, who had larger goals in mind. The 45-7 thrashing of Nebraska constituted business as usual for Team 144. Next on the schedule was a night game in my neck of the woods, a clash in Minneapolis for the Little Brown Jug. I'd been looking forward to that one for some time, as Al had plane tickets booked to come visit for the game. 

Saturday's evening slate of games provided more exhilaration. Nearing sundown, sixty-six thousand liquored-up Southerners stumbled from The Grove to Vaught-Hemingway Stadium in Oxford, Mississippi, where they packed the seats to cheer on Lane Kiffin and the 4-1 Rebels against 3-1 LSU. The Bayou Tigers took a two-score lead with only eight minutes left in the game, going up 49-40 on a 34-yard touchdown pass from Jayden Daniels to Brian Thomas Jr. (Daniels' fifth touchdown of the night), but in a game that saw little defense, Ole Miss clawed back. Quarterback Jaxson Dart, who accounted for 5 TD's of his own, led the Rebels on two touchdown drives in the final eight minutes for a comeback victory. The overdressed drunks stormed the field when time expired, sending Brian Kelly and his LSU Tigers back to Louisiana on a hot seat. 

ESPN's College Gameday visited Durham, North Carolina for a showdown between Duke and Notre Dame under the lights. Notre Dame squandered a thirteen-point halftime lead -- Duke took a 14-13 lead in the fourth quarter -- before QB Sam Hartman led the Irish 95 yards down the field in the final minute. Audric Estime scored the winning touchdown for the Fighting Irish.

In the Big Ten, Michigan State gave Iowa a dogfight at Kinnick Stadium, making me wonder how in the world Hawkeyes fans tolerate such mediocrity year after year. Former Michigan quarterback Cade MacNamara injured his leg in the first half and exited the field on a cart, granted, but I expected Iowa to roll a decimated program at home with or without a QB1. That just wasn't the case. Iowa's offense looked anemic. Sparty actually led 16-13 in the third quarter before Iowa regained their composure, scoring 13 unanswered points in the fourth for a 26-16 victory. 

I went to bed by 10:30, Saturday night. Early Sunday morning, Jacksonville and Atlanta squared off at London's Wembley Stadium. ESPN+ carried two broadcast options, the first being your standard NFL broadcast. The second, produced by Disney+, was a "kid's" version of the game, with live action animated gameplay taking place on the floor of Andy from Toy Story's bedroom. The first such I of its kind, I found the Toy Story broadcast entertaining, at least in small doses. It was tailored for kids, obviously, but I found it also worked for adults who may or may not have had two THC gummies for breakfast. When that game ended, I packed a sandwhich lunch and set off on foot for Lake of the Isles, where I read and worked on some writing while listening to the Vikings game on my little portable radio.