MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: MICHIGAN STATE

MICHIGAN STATE

Not unlike children in Gaza living under the warped umbrella of Hamas, students attending Michigan State become indoctrinated during their time in East Lansing – indoctrinated to hate the University of Michigan and anyone associated with it with a blind and infinite rage. I watched close friends and former classmates succumb to this phenomenon. At first, I took offense to it, especially from those who had cheered for Michigan at one point in their lives. Granted I was naive, and granted I was (and am) overly sensitive, but some of the things that lifelong friends posted on Facebook (i.e. “scUM”) about the university I attended hurt me. 

As the years went on, though, I realized it was just fucking sad. During the Mark Dantonio era I routinely watched Spartan football players take cheap shots, late hits, commit unsportsmanlike conduct penalties with intent to injure, and generally play dirty when they thought the refs wouldn’t catch them. William Gholston’s actions during the 2011 game exemplified the era. Gholston not only punched Taylor Lewan during that game, he also ripped upwards on Denard Robinson’s facemask while Robinson lay prone at the bottom of a pile after the whistle, yanking his head upwards in doing so. Though Gholston's unsportsmanlike actions earned him a one-game suspension, after the fact, they also surely earned him lifetime membership in the Spartan Dawg Club. Hating Michigan literally becomes a Spartan's entire identity, and this is why Appalachian State remains, for most State fans, one of the biggest victories in the history of their football program. Such an externally focused identity prevents introspection, a skill that just might serve the poster child of dysfunctional institutions (and dysfunctional leadership) well.

Last year, following a 29-7 drubbing in the Big House, some Spartans exposed the dark depths such an indoctrination in hatred ultimately amounts to when at least eight MSU football players grouped up on two Michigan players inside the tunnel and assaulted them. Chris Solari, who covered the game for The Detroit Free Press, witnessed the assault and reported several Spartans punching, shoving, and kicking sophomore defensive back JaDen McBurrows, who suffered a potential broken nose in the assault. Video footage silenced many of the Sparty-homers who tried to defend the assault, but not all of them. That wasn’t even the worst of the thuggery, though. In a separate scuffle, Khary Crump swung his helmet violently at Gemon Green while another Spartan helped restrain him. Green sustained a concussion, in addition to facial and upper body bruises. Bob Wojnowski of The Detroit News aptly summarized the actions of these Spartans as “profound cowardice.” To his credit, Mel Tucker suspended eight of his players for their role in the attack, calling their behavior “inexcusable.” Prosecutors ultimately charged seven of them with crimes. Khary Crump faced a charge of felonious assault. 

That backstory made the 2023 night game at Michigan State a giddy prospect. I wanted blood and I knew Harbaugh wanted it too. MSU was about to get their bare asses paddled in front of their home crowd, and the only question in the weeks leading up to the game was how bad it would be. 

Offensive tackle Trevor Keegan, who admitted after the game that the team wasn’t over last year’s tunnel incident, used at least a tube of eye black to cover his face in warpaint, and his image on the field at Spartan Stadium encapsulated my inner zeitgeist. Keegan painted all of the skin around his eyes black, a look that reminded me of the roided-out Steve Lattimer character from the film The Program, with an added touch of scars at the corners of his mouth a la Heath Ledger’s Joker. The look said it all: no prisoners tonight. This one was not just about beating Sparty to further our long-term goals of a Big Ten and National Championship; this one was about payback, revenge, and justice. It was about sending a message and inflicting rock bottom on a program tarnished by scandal, then not acting like classless goons afterward. 

Saturday, October 21, 2023

Didn’t sleep, Friday night, so I was waiting for the College Gameday shows to start. I wanted to hear the analysts’ takes on Michigan’s most recent NCAA accusation in regards to sign stealing (read: scouting opponents). That bombshell of a story dropped on Thursday, my busy day at work. I dubbed it white noise – people hated Harbaugh – until an ESPN article dropped Friday morning, followed shortly thereafter by the suspension of a Michigan staffer named Connor Stallions. I’d never heard his name before Friday. In the BOX group chat, Paul expressed worry, and that heightened my own a bit. 

Besides that topic, Saturday’s slate featured some interesting games. It started with a Big Ten East showdown, 6-0 Penn State at 6-0 Ohio State. Both ESPN College Gameday and Fox’s Big Noon Kickoff set up shop in Columbus for the affair, providing Buckeye fans the opportunity to salute Urban Meyer and give him a warm homecoming. Also returning was rising NFL star C.J. Stroud, who sat down with the ESPN crew and made the guest picks for College Gameday. Many of the signs in the audience alluded to the Michigan sign-stealing investigation; some were even clever, like “Harbaugh stole my other sign.”

Incredibly, Penn State went 1 for 16 on third downs in the game, with their only conversion coming late in garbage time. Nittany Lions quarterback Drew Allar obviously contributed to that stat, underwhelming in his first appearance on a big stage; he completed only 18 of 42 passes for 191 yards. Fellow first-year starter Kyle McCord was better, but not stellar, going 22 of 35 for 286 yards. The Buckeyes QB had the advantage of throwing to Marvin Harrison Jr., who caught 11 of those balls – half of McCord’s completions – for 162 yards and a touchdown. Harrison Jr. was the clear MVP of the game, in my estimation. 

Tennessee traveled to Bama next. Ex-Michigan QB Joe Milton looked spectacular early, leading the Vols to a 20-7 lead at half, but the Crimson Tide stormed back in the second half, winning 34-20. Cigar smoke wafted across the field at Bryant-Denny. At the same time P.J. Fleck and the Minnesota Gophers battled it out with the offensively challenged Hawkeyes for the bronze pig, also known as the Floyd of Rosedale Trophy. The Gophers celebrated after Iowa’s go-ahead punt return touchdown got negated by the officials, who ruled the Iowa return man had signaled fair catch, a controversial call that left Kinnick Stadium stunned, apoplectic, and pigless. 

Then, at 6:30 CT, Michigan took the field at a hostile Spartan Stadium. The Spartan Dawgs wore their all-black uniforms. Michigan came out in their road white jerseys with navy pants. The weather was chilly enough for Jim Harbaugh to break out the puffer jacket. Absent from the Michigan State sideline was Mel Tucker, who Michigan State fired in September for his involvement in a sexual harassment scandal. Filling his shoes (and headset) was interim head coach and generally upstanding guy Harlon Barnett, who played safety for George Perles at Michigan State from 1986-1989, earning All-American honors during his senior season.

Was there any question that Michigan wanted the ball first? JJ McCarthy, like Trevor Keegan, had used a little extra eye black for the night game, smearing it across his cheeks. Wearing #9, Michigan’s stoic leader took the field at his own 16-yard line after Semaj Morgan foolishly fielded the opening kickoff. JJ snapped the ball and threw a seven-yard completion to Blake Corum, then did the same on the next play for 10 yards. Methodically McCarthy marched his Wolverines down field in this fashion, completing 5 of 6 passing attempts on the drive, one that went 76 yards and lasted six minutes plus. On the 12th play of the drive, he handed the ball to Mr. Automatic. Corum promptly punched it in for his thirteenth touchdown of the season, and James Turner booted the extra point to put the road team up 7-0 early.

After the Michigan defense forced a turnover on downs, McCarthy continued to sharpen his weapons. He went 4 for 4 on the ensuing drive, his fourth completion going to Roman Wilson for a 25-yard touchdown. Wilson's touchdown gave him ten on the year through only eight games, proof the Hawaiian deserved the coveted number one jersey. After allowing a whole 26 yards on MSU's opening drive, Michigan's defense tightened during State's second drive; the drive lasted only three plays and netted the Spartans -5 yards. Punter Ryan Eckley entered the game for the first time and booted it 49 yards, setting up a 1st and 10 for Michigan at their own 34-yard line. From there, McCarthy cooked up another scoring drive, leaning heavily on AJ Barner and Colston Loveland, twin weapons at tight end. A beautiful 22-yard touchdown pass to Loveland beat solid coverage by MSU and gave JJ his second touchdown of the half. His third touchdown of the season, Loveland boldly struck the Paul Bunyan pose in the endzone. Their team in a three-score hole, Spartan Stadium went silent. 

Michigan State finally forced a punt on Michigan’s next possession, but McCarthy picked up where he left off on his fifth possession. After scrambling for 22 yards on the ground, setting up a 1st and 10 from the Michigan State 22-yard line, McCarthy once again found Loveland for a 22-yard touchdown strike, this time on a seam over the middle. That gave JJ three touchdown passes in the first half, two of those coming on beautiful deliveries to Loveland; he looked as sharp as he had all season. Up 28-0, at that point, Michigan refused to let up. After the defense forced yet another punt, McCarthy orchestrated an efficient two-minute drill that saw Michigan march 76 yards in only a minute and a half. A completion to Donovan Edwards on 1st and goal from the 10 pushed the ball to the Michigan State 4-yard line. JJ snapped the ball on 2nd and goal with 8 seconds remaining in the half and connected with AJ Barner for what appeared to be McCarthy's fourth touchdown pass of the half, one that would have given Michigan a cutthroat 35-zilch halftime lead. Alas, officials wiped out Barner's touchdown when they called Donovan Edwards for a phantom false start call. The false start call required a ten-second run off on the game clock; in effect, it gifted Michigan State a mercy ending to the half. Merry Christmas, Sparty. It was still Michigan’s largest halftime lead in the rivalry since 1947.

Perhaps looking for a moral victory, if nothing else, State looked to get back on track when they got the ball to start the second half. Redshirt freshman quarterback Kaitin Houser and the Spartan offense showed signs of life, even moving into Michigan territory, but any hopes still lingering in Spartan Stadium evaporated when Houser threw an interception on 4th and 7. Mike Sainristil picked Houser off and took it 72 yards to the house, scoring his second touchdown of the season. Following the pick-six, Michigan (once again) led 35-0. MSU went three and out, subsequently, then McCarthy threw his career-high fourth touchdown of the night midway through the third quarter, this time finding Barner for an 11-yard score. This time the touchdown stood for Barner, who deserved it. The transfer from Indiana posted career highs with 8 receptions for 99 yards in the blowout. With his team comfortably up 42-0, this was the final time McCarthy saw the field. He finished the night 21 of 27 for 287 passing yards and 4 touchdowns. 

Even in garbage time, however, Michigan accelerated. In a fitting moment, Ja’Den McBurrows, one victim of last year’s tunnel assault, recorded his first career interception in the fourth quarter, picking off MSU backup QB Sam Leavitt on a deflection. On the sideline, McBurrows' teammates swarmed him. "I know how he felt," Mike Sainristil said of McBurrows' pick, "I felt it too." Harbaugh needed few words to describe that moment. "What an amazing thing," he commented wryly. McBurrows also recorded three tackles in the game, including one tackle for a loss.

Then, up 42-0 in the dying seconds of the game, Harbaugh and/or Moore chose not to kneel out the clock. They didn't call for any passes, but they didn't call for any kneel-downs either. Instead, they allowed third string quarterback Alex Orji, a sophomore from Sachse, Texas, to run at will. In total, on the final drive of the game, Orji ran 5 times for 27 yards. With 8 seconds left, he snapped the ball, followed his blockers, and broke arm tackles en route to the endzone for a hard-fought score.  Orji's first touchdown of the season made it 48-0 Wolverines. Harbaugh stopped short of pulling a Woody Hayes, sending out the kicking unit. James Turner’s sixth extra point of the night made it 49-0, which proved the final.

It was a night to forget for Michigan State’s fanbase. Michigan shut out Michigan State in their own stadium, under the lights, and that wasn’t the worst of it for Sparty. The 49-0 rout was the worst home loss in history for the Spartans, and the largest margin of defeat to their in-state rivals since 1947, when the Wolverines defeated the Spartans 55-0. 

To make matters worse, national news outlets picked up on a side-story that made Michigan State look even more foolish post-game. In the BOX group chat, Paul had alluded to this, forwarding a screenshot of the Spartan Stadium videoboard taken just prior to kickoff. Curiously, the video board showed an image of Adolf Hitler, of all people. The operators of the scoreboard had apparently shown an image of the fascist as part of a pregame pop culture quiz, or something, but the reason hardly mattered. The fact that it happened at all underscored the ineptitude of the university. A university spokesman issued an apology for the Hitler imagery during the second half of the game, a moment that must have felt a lot like rock bottom. At a time when the university needed to lay low and let things blow over, they had found the stupidest way to draw attention to themselves. But not all was lost for the Spartan faithful: at least they had a sign-stealing accusation to hang their hat on for the rest of the season; they could root for Tony Pettiti and the NCAA!

"Leave no doubt," Harbaugh had urged his team before the battle in East Lansing. Hanging half a hundred in your rival's backyard leaves little doubt, indeed. When asked if his Spartans had reached their lowest point of the season, Harlon Barnett conceded "it might be," adding, "I thought it was last week." Losers of five straight, Michigan State traveled to Minnesota next, while #2 Michigan, winners of 20 consecutive conference games dating back to 2021, looked forward to a bye week before hosting Purdue on November 4.

Pac 12 After Dark delivered yet again; it didn't hurt that I was riding the high of our 49-0 curbstomping while watching. Without starting quarterback Cameron Rising, #14 Utah went into USC and defeated the #18 Trojans, 34-32, handing Lincoln Riley’s squad an early second defeat that jeopardized the Trojans' title hopes. Then even later in Seattle, the 1-5 Sun Devils of Arizona State put undefeated Washington on upset alert, one nobody had predicted when Saturday's games started. In a shocker of a halftime score, the Sun Devils led 7-3 over the Huskies. ASU handcuffed Michael Penix Jr. all game, forcing him into two interceptions and tarnishing his Heisman resume, but their offensive output – a single touchdown in the first half – proved too little. Washington scored 12 unanswered in the 4th quarter to escape with a 15-7 victory, keeping the dream alive in Seattle for another week at least.

I ended the night country dancing with Paul Cauthen: "It's a quarter to three, you know what I need/ It's a quarter to four, do we have anymore?"

MICHIGAN VS EVERYBODY: INDIANA

 INDIANA

Friday, October 13, 2023

Friday the 13th: I made a mental note, upon waking, to tread cautiously on this inauspicious date. Fittingly, it rained all day, a cold rain that foretold of winter. The soggy weather meant that my Pre-K class had to stay inside all day, making for a long day. I had to close at work; my last preschooler got picked up at 6:37 p.m., seven minutes after closing time, thank you very much. 

From St. Paul I drove west on I-94 to Minneapolis. At my apartment, I took a quick bath, made a cup of coffee, and changed before I headed back out for a night at Kara’s. From Hennepin I hopped back on I-94, taking it east across the river, and exited onto University Avenue near Greek Row. When I got to Kara’s townhouse, we placed an online takeout order with Stray Dog, a nearby restaurant that she recommended. Both of us ordered burgers and fries, and a few minutes later we started walking to Stray Dog to pick up our food, holding hands in the drizzly rain. After dinner, we watched Friday the 13th, the original, in part because it was Friday the 13th, after all, but also because Kara, to my consternation, told me she had never seen it. 

Around midnight I drove back to my apartment, crossing the Mississippi River for the fourth time in a day. The rain had finally ceased but the roads were wet and glossy. Back in my ground-floor apartment I turned on the television and found that the lowly Stanford Cardinal had come back from a 29-0 halftime deficit against Deion Sanders’ Buffaloes. After gaining only 115 yards in the first half, Stanford looked like a different team in the second half in all facets, prompting one to wonder what was said in the Stanford locker room. Taking advantage of Colorado’s weak secondary, the Cardinal scored four unanswered touchdowns in the third quarter – the second came on a 97-yard touchdown pass from Ashton Daniels to Elic Ayomanor, the third on a 60-yard pass between the same parties – to cut the lead to 3. Colorado answered with a touchdown of their own to start the fourth quarter, but Stanford swung right back. That cut the Colorado lead to 39-36 with five minutes left in the game. A wicked Colorado punt pinned Stanford at their own 1-yard line with just under three minutes to go, but Colorado’s defense, suddenly Swiss cheese, was unable to take advantage of it. Stanford drove 71 yards in 13 plays, setting up an opportunity for a last-second field goal to force overtime. Cardinal kicker Joshua Karty nailed it.

Both teams scored touchdowns in the first overtime frame: Shedeur Sanders threw his fifth TD pass of the night on the opening possession; Ashton Daniels, not to be outdone, threw his fourth of the night on the very next play, forcing double overtime. Then Shedeur Sanders, who had been brilliant all game, made the critical mistake in double OT, throwing an interception in the endzone. Sanders’ turnover meant Stanford needed only a field goal to win. The Cardinal refused to throw, at that point; Ashton Daniels ran the ball three times for a total of 12 yards before Stanford sent out the kicking team. Once again, Karty nailed it, sending the fans at Folsom home in a somber mood, one exacerbated by the fact that Coach Prime’s team had dropped three of its last four games after starting the season 3-0 (their schedule wouldn’t get any easier, either, as their next three opponents were all ranked in the top 25). What a game, what an upset. What a way to kick off the football weekend. 

Saturday, October 14, 2023

Having stayed up late to watch Stanford’s comeback victory, I slept in a bit Saturday morning. These days, that means like 8:30 or 9:00. FOX’s Big Noon Kickoff crew visited South Bend, Indiana, this week, to preview the Notre Dame – USC rivalry game. In a lengthy pregame segment, Matt Leinart and Brady Quinn, two of the hosts, reminisced about the infamous 2005 game they played in. That game culminated in a controversial last-second touchdown in which Reggie Bush physically pushed Leinart into the endzone for the game-winning score. While heroic, Bush’s assistance constituted an illegal act, a violation of Section 3, Article 2b of the NCAA rulebook. Referees, therefore, should have thrown a flag, negating the go-ahead score, but no laundry appeared, hence the controversial but unforgettable finish. Nicknamed the “Bush Push” game, it is widely considered one of the greatest games in college football history.

Despite FOX’s visit to South Bend, NBC actually had the broadcast rights for that game, and it didn’t start until 7:30. What followed Big Noon Kickoff instead was the Michigan versus Indiana game from the Big House, with Joel Klatt and Gus Johnson – two of my personal faves – calling the game for FOX. Ranked second, nationally – behind only Georgia – 6-0 Michigan took the field in its all-blue uniforms, with most players sporting knee-high yellow socks. This alternate look has grown on me a lot, especially after we wore them during the magical 2021 Ohio State game. Indiana, coming into the matchup with a lackluster 2-3 record (their two wins came at the expense of Indiana State and Akron, the latter requiring four overtimes), wore all-white uniforms with candy-apple red helmets. Michigan kicked off in a light rain, the thermometer hovering just below 50 degrees on an overcast day in Ann Arbor. Many of the 110,000 plus packed inside Michigan Stadium wore ponchos or light jackets.

Going back to 1988, Indiana had lost 27 of their last 28 meetings with Michigan, but they had frequently tested us during the Tom Allen era, winning outright in 2020. This year, Vegas listed Michigan as a massive, 33-point favorite, yet the first quarter suggested this one would be another tight one. The Hoosiers defense gave Michigan trouble early on, forcing three-and-outs on Michigan’s first two offensive possessions. In fact, Michigan’s net yardage after those first two drives amounted to -8 yards.

Indiana’s offense looked competent early, too. On their second possession, they drove the ball all the way to the Michigan 10-yard line before a false start penalty pushed them back, forcing a 3rd and 12. Subsequently, Hoosiers QB Tayven Jackson, a transfer from Tennessee, threw an errant ball towards the end zone; Mike Sainristil tipped the ball and Rod Moore picked it off, running 38 yards before being brought down by an offensive lineman at the 40-yard line. 

Moore’s interception should have shifted the momentum in Michigan’s favor, but it didn’t. Michigan’s second three-and-out to start the game forced them to punt it back to Indiana, who turned to backup QB Brendan Sorsby for its third possession. Indiana finished, this time. On 1st and 10 from the Michigan 44, Sorsby threw a wide receiver screen to Donovan McCulley, and McCulley then launched a deep ball to a wide open Jaylin Lucas, who hauled it in for a 44-yard touchdown. With 2:17 left in the opening quarter, Indiana took a shocking 7-0 lead, silencing the Michigan faithful and causing my blood pressure to rise. 

Yet the first quarter proved a fluke. Michigan thoroughly owned the remainder of the game, scoring touchdowns on 7 of their next 8 possessions. In a drive that ate up nearly six minutes of game clock, JJ McCarthy finally found a rhythm on Michigan’s next possession. He completed two passes to Colston Loveland for 13 yards each, one to Cornelius Johnson for 15, and another of 15 yards to Blake Corum, methodically moving Michigan into the redzone. From there, Sherrone Moore leaned heavily on his most reliable player, Blake Corum, who concluded the drive with a patented one-yard smash for the equalizer. 

As proved the case in the preceding weeks, Michigan’s defense tightened as the game progressed. They forced another punt on Indiana’s next possession, then JJ and the offense picked up right where they had left off, executing another imposing drive that saw Michigan march 87 yards in five and a half minutes. Faced with a fourth down and goal from the 2-yard line, Moore kept his offensive unit on the field. Indiana was probably expecting another run from Corum, and for precisely that reason Moore dialed up a pass play. The stout Wolverine offensive line gave JJ plenty of time to read through his progressions, and he eventually found a wide open Roman Wilson in the back of the endzone for an easy touchdown pass. Michigan regained the lead, 14-7, and the crowd started to roar back to life. 

Michigan’s defense promptly forced another three-and-out, the last thing Indiana’s tired defense needed. On the ensuing punt, Tyler Morris fielded the ball off of a bounce, split two defenders, and broke free for a 31-yard return that gave Michigan excellent field position, setting up JJ and co. at the Indiana 46 with just under two minutes remaining in the half. With precision Michigan chewed up most of that clock. Once again they pushed the ball to within a yard of the endzone, and once again Corum smashed it home from there. His second touchdown of the game gave Michigan a 21-7 halftime lead and more or less erased any anxiety I had built up in the course of the first quarter. I packed a bowl, put on my smoking jacket, and went out to the alley to power up.

The second half of the game followed the same script as the second quarter, with Michigan’s offense wearing down the opponent’s defense with long, grueling drives and the defense shutting the Hoosiers offense down. It took the Wolverines only two and a half minutes to open the scoring in the third quarter. This time McCarthy connected with an open Colston Loveland downfield for a 54-yard touchdown, putting the home team up 28-7. Indiana ran three plays for a net total of -13 yards on their next possession, promptly giving the ball back to a Michigan offense that was now firing on all cylinders. Indeed, within three minutes of game time Michigan had added another touchdown, this one a touchdown pass to Semaj Morgan. Indiana trailed 35-7.

That was pretty much how the rest of the game went. Indiana fumbled on their next possession, and the Michigan offense scored their sixth touchdown. Indiana turned the ball over on downs, and Michigan kicked a field goal. Tayven Jackson, reinserted as QB for the second half, threw his second interception, and Michigan answered with yet another touchdown, a touchdown pass from backup QB Jack Tuttle to Karmello English. Michigan scored on all five of its possessions in the half. Final score: 52-7. 

To me, a biased observer, JJ McCarthy looked just as impressive as both Michael Penix Jr. and Bo Nix, the two Heisman front runners who squared off directly after the Michigan game in the matchup of the day. Granted, I took a nap during the first half of the Washington – Oregon game, so I cannot claim to have watched both quarterbacks intently, but I woke up during the second half and watched the rest, including a dramatic finish. Nix and the Ducks overcame an 11-point second half deficit, storming back to take a 33-29 lead with 12 minutes remaining, but Oregon played with fire by going for it on 4th down and 3 at the Washington 47-yard line with only 1:38 left. Nix threw an incompletion on the 4th and 3 play, and Penix needed only two plays and 33 seconds to take advantage. In what might have been his Heisman moment, he threw a 33-yard pass to Ja’lynn Polk for a first down, then connected with Rome Odunze in the endzone, giving the Huskies a 36-33 lead and prompting mass frenzy at Husky Stadium, truly a beautiful stadium right on the water in Seattle. When Oregon missed a 43-yard field goal attempt as the clock expired, the purple and gold faithful stormed the field. Prince’s “Purple Rain” fittingly blasted from the loudspeakers. It looked like a special season at UW. 

“In my estimation,” Paul Cav wrote in the BOX House group chat, responding to questions about McCarthy’s standing in the race, “Penix leads in the Heisman race but won’t win come November.” I tended to agree with the first part of that statement, at least, especially after the nightcap games, Saturday night. In the big one, USC at Notre Dame, Caleb Williams flat out laid an egg. The reigning Heisman Trophy winner threw three interceptions in a blowout 48-20 loss to Notre Dame, a loss that put USC’s title hopes in serious jeopardy. 

A bonus game for us fiends, the Aztecs of San Diego State played at Hawaii at 11:00 p.m. ET. I found it streaming on YouTube and watched in bed until I drifted off to sleep.

MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: MINNESOTA

 Monday, October 2, 2023

Despite my usual Monday off, the world has me feeling glum today. Feeling homesick, I yearn to be back in Michigan today. Three-day weekends do that to me, sometimes. On the bright side: two people said good morning to me as I left the apartment to walk to Hennepin Tobacco; Al visits this weekend for the Michigan game at Minnesota Saturday night; also, I wrote a page of chapter 19 this morning at Mueller Park, a positive sign for my mental health. To further combat the Monday blues, I walked to Lake of the Isles to read and write; near the pencil sculpture on the northeast side of the lake, a guy played Dylan’s “The Times They are A-Changin” on the guitar. I wondered if it was an omen. It certainly wasn't a bad sign, I figured.

Friday, October 7, 2023

True Autumn arrived today; my iPhone’s weather app read 45 degrees this morning, so I got my North Face fleece out for the first time before driving to work. Ms. Emily and I had a good day at school. Fridays are usually a little more chill than the rest of the week. After school, I went to pick up the party supplies for the weekend.

Al flew in from Grand Rapids this evening. He took an Uber from MSP and arrived at my apartment complex around 8. We hugged it out, then we both snorted a line of cocaine off the glossy black surface of my Bruce Springsteen songbook. After a couple more we walked to Walgreens to pick up some Gatorades and snacks. From there it was only a short walk to Lake of the Isles, a place I wanted Al to see, but when we got there I realized it’s not much to look at in the dark. 

Back at the apartment, we snorted some more lines and set up a bed for Al on the floor using my camping supplies, including my sleeping pad and sleeping bag. I suggested we watch the ESPN documentary Once Upon a Time in Anaheim. It examines the production of The Mighty Ducks, including the creative process of young and then-unknown writer Stephen Brill, and how the films’ success led to the Disney-owned NHL franchise in Anaheim. I found Brill’s writing insight valuable. One fact I learned from the documentary was that Brill named the legendary Gordon Bombay for the two types of gin he drank at the time, Gordon’s and Bombay. 

Next I asked Al if he’d watched Unrivaled yet. “Negative,” he answered. Aghast, I demanded we watch it immediately; it is must-watch material for any Red Wings fan -- for any hockey fan for that matter. Unrivaled: Red Wings vs. Avalanche, a special episode from ESPN’s E:60 series, documented the bloody history of the Red Wings – Avalanche rivalry that dominated the hockey universe in the late nineties and early aughts, focusing on the historic night of March 26, 1997, when Darren McCarty got revenge on Detroit's public enemy numero uno, Claude Lemieux. The night came to be known in Detroit as “Fight Night at the Joe.” The documentary starts with a surprise reunion between Lemieux and McCarty. They call themselves friends now, despite their vitriolic history, and the story is told from both their perspectives. It humanizes Lemieux in the process, and functions as a call for peace, of sorts, a reminder that hockey is only a game, after all. At the same time, it immortalizes that rivalry and that night; Al and I, like anyone who came of age watching those teams in the nineties, recalled it all with nostalgia as one of those truly special seasons in one's life. It was an era we'd been trying to recapture ever since.

Around three a.m., Al started dozing off. I opened the YouTube app via my Roku and put on the 2021 Michigan – Ohio State game, a certified classic. Watching it, I realized I had forgotten how dominant Hassan Haskins was in the game. In a Biakabatuka-like performance, the senior from Eureka, Missouri ran for 169 yards and 5 touchdowns, matching the record for most touchdowns by one player in the history of the rivalry. I professed, after that magical day of snow flurries in Ann Arbor, that Michigan should build a statue for Haskins to commemorate his performance. Another player who had a legendary performance that day was Aidan Hutchinson, a player I felt a personal kinship to as we both attended Dearborn Divine Child High School; the future Detroit Lion recorded three sacks on Buckeye QB C.J. Stroud, wreaking havoc all game and cementing his status as a Michigan legend. I recalled watching that game in Frank’s garage, crying tears of joy as I watched fans storm the field at Michigan Stadium in a moment of monumental catharsis for all of us persecuted Wolverines fans. Of course, this inspired me to watch the 2022 game afterward, the one when J.J. McCarthy delivered his own legendary performance. I fell asleep sometime during that one, probably close to five in the morning.

Saturday, October 8, 2023

I got four hours of sleep tops; Al didn’t get much more – the floor of my apartment couldn’t have been too comfortable, but I did warn him about the size of my apartment beforehand, hinting that he might want to reserve a hotel room instead but assuring him he was welcome to stay with me. He and I have certainly spent nights in worse situations. No matter. We had blow for breakfast. Al ordered DoorDash. I ordered a sausage and egg bagel; he got an omelet. We both drank coffee. 

In addition to the marching powder, we started the day lounging, with the TV tuned between FOX's Big Noon Kickoff and ESPN's College Gameday, the latter streamed illegally via YouTube. ESPN's Gameday crew appeared live from Columbus, Ohio, where 10,00 alumni and 90,000 truckers soon filed into the Horseshoe for a showdown with Taulia Tagovailoa and the Maryland Terrapins. I told Al I wanted to bet on the game, as I thought Maryland's high-powered offense would keep the game tight enough to cover the 14-point spread. 

Also at 11, the Red River Rivalry kicked off on ABC. We turned the channel briefly to that. Surprisingly, Oklahoma jumped out to a 7-0 lead over the third-ranked Texas Longhorns. We switched back to root against Ohio State. Maryland led for much of the game, but in the end, Taulia Tagovailoa made too many costly mistakes, including two interceptions and a boneheaded, egregious clock management gaffe to end the first half. First-year starter Riley McCord and the Buckeyes took a 20-17 lead in the fourth quarter before running away with it late. Maryland failed to even cover. Less predictably, on ABC, Oklahoma prevailed late over the Horns. Meanwhile Al and I showered, snorted some final lines, put on our jerseys, and prepared to head out to the Minnesota campus for tailgating. 

Around two we walked up to a liquor store at 27th and Hennepin. Al bought a 12-pack of Coors and a THC seltzer for me. From there we ordered an Uber and waited at a picnic table outside. The Uber drove us over the Mississippi River, up Greek Row, and into campus. "We were already blackout drunk by now," Al and I agreed, scoffing at frat bros still setting up orange mesh fencing on their lawns. Indeed, crowds looked scarce at all but one or two fraternity houses. The Uber driver let us out at a parking lot filled with burgundy and yellow tents, many from which long, wavy flag poles displayed Gopher colors in stripes, block Minnesota M's, even Twins flags. 

Our first destination was a tent tailgate within this parking lot where we met Al's brother, Nick, and his family. Many years ago, Nick bought us booze during our first months in college at Michigan; we used to walk to his house off campus and bring beer back to the dorms in our backpacks. I felt awkward, socially, and drank my THC seltzer in front of a big screen TV while Al tossed the football to his two nephews. Kistler and Joe, two older BOX guys from Nick's era, showed up buzzing from Adderall. When I told them what we had, their eyes lit up. We made a plan to meet up to snort some before the game, though I knew we never would. 

Next, we wandered a couple blocks north to another parking lot, one B-Russ (who had flown in from California for the weekend) called the "Raising Cane's Parking Lot." Following Al's phone, we realized we missed a turn and circled back. We found B-Russ and the old White Street gang – Mark Ausborn, John Gietzen, James Paulson, Big Asian Dave – drinking beers under a Minnesota tent that was attached to a black pickup truck. They huddled around a big screen TV, ostensibly cheering on the Minnesota Twins in their playoff matchup with Houston. Some hugs were exchanged upon our arrival, some double takes. With Justin Verlander on the hill, the Astros had taken an early lead on the Twins. B-Russ was animated, a little tipsy, as to be expected for a dad reconnected with the college crew and on the loose, free from domestic responsibility for a weekend. I knew he and Al were getting drunk when the conversation turned to such college traditions as "playing through," "Bill Nye the Science Guy," and "Poop Wars." "I don't think that game would be considered PC by today's standards," Paulson weighed in. With Al in his element, I felt slightly out of mine. 

An escape to the porta-potties, where I snorted a couple big bumps off a ten-dollar bill, loosened me up considerably. I started talking to everyone after that. The host of the tailgate couldn't have been kinder. He asked where I worked, and when I told him, he said his daughter attended one of our schools in Nebraska. His spread impressed, too, though we didn't eat much: Raising Cane's chicken (a Minnesota favorite), endless breadsticks, French fries, and an assortment of cookies. B-Russ and Al smoked stogies. I talked to John Gietzen, always my favorite of the White Street gang, who told me he still had Biff, his taxidermized Wolverine; we reminisced about the 2013 Michigan Basketball season, when we had post-grad season tickets with Chris Orr. I also chatted with Big Asian Dave, who recounted his experience as a contestant on Jeopardy! It was good to talk to B-Russ, of course, too. I hadn't seen him in probably a decade. 

As sunset approached temperatures plummeted. The wind made for a nippy feeling in the air, the first true hint of autumn. Al and I regretted not bringing jackets. In the seventh inning, the Twins belted back-to-back home runs to cut the lead to 5-4, prompting a collective roar from every tailgate tent in every surrounding parking lot. It seemed like a jolt of life. I stood in the line for the porta-potties for five minutes, then snorted the last of the cocaine off Al's ten-dollar bill. Now I was in my element, too.

A frantic final half hour leading up to kickoff ensued. Beers had to be finished, pounded. Food had to be boxed up and put away in coolers. Solo cups went in trash bags. The tent had to come down; stogies had to be put out. We walked toward the stadium five minutes before kickoff, Al and B-Russ in front of me so that Al's Obi Ezeh jersey formed the foreground of my view towards the huge gray block M scoreboard on the north side of Huntington Bank Stadium. The trees along the campus streets were still mostly green, with tinges of cornstalk yellow making the edges look frayed. The sky was overcast but powder blue behind the clouds. Straight ahead was the redbrick stadium, and inside the stadium fans appeared in blurred form, from a distance, splotches of burgundy and yellow. The view showed a perfect night for football, a perfect environment. 

Approaching from the endzone entrance outside the video board, we found long lines extending outside the stadium gates. Here some fans pounded mini liquor bottles or last beer cans and tossed them aside in the bushes. The stadium broadcaster's voice echoed out to us, in addition to the final notes of the Star-Spangled Banner. B-Russ checked his phone for any last-minute updates: Michigan won the coin toss and deferred. Sophomore quarterback Athan Kaliakmanis and the Gopher offense took the field. We were still standing in line and listening to the stadium broadcaster when, on the second play from scrimmage, Kaliakmanis dropped back to pass; Will Johnson, perhaps Michigan's best corner since Charles Woodson, picked him off and took it to the house for a pick six. Michigan fans in the lines – us included – jumped up and down in glee. The Wolverines led 7-0 before we ever entered the stadium. 

Shivering in line, we fortunately found the stadium warmer – not only in the interior concourse and toasty restrooms but in the bleachers, too, as the brick exterior of the stadium blocked the wind. Al and I parted with B-Russ and Gietzen, who went to find their own seats. At a concession stand on the upper concourse, Al bought two beers for himself and a coffee for me, then we found our section and made our way up to our seats. Michigan wore its all-white uniforms. Minny wore all burgundy, with chrome gold Ms on their helmets. The field was kelly green, bookended by burgundy endzones with yellow print, the sky periwinkle at dusk. In the seats to our right we found one very inebriated middle-aged Michigan fan, who went on to sleep through the majority of the game to his friends' chagrin. To our left was a family of mixed allegiances, with a Gopher dad, a hot Wolverine mom, and a 10-year-old of ambiguous gender with shoulder-length blonde hair, the offspring wearing a combination of Michigan and Minnesota gear. When Al spilled some beer and started issuing profanities, I worried about the innocence of this 10-year old to my left, but the family appeared seasoned stadium-goers, accustomed to the antics of over-intoxicated fans, steadfastly attuned to the game. 

Despite the early pick-six, Gopher fans appeared rowdy and boisterous – eager to row the boat – and they continued to appear so even after all cause for enthusiasm and optimism ceased to exist. Al and I both commented on this phenomenon, perhaps a variant on the Minnesota-nice stereotype, wherein they maintained a perpetual, at times sarcastic optimism in regard to their Gophers, the Big Ten's lovable losers. They were in year seven of the P.J. Fleck era, still middling at best, twenty-point dogs at home against Michigan. Yet they refused to let it damper their collective mindset. 

Cause for optimism among the home crowd did not cease to exist all at once but rather slowly, as was the case for most of Michigan's 2023 opponents per its boa-constrictor modus operandi. In fact, Minnesota managed some nice drives early, mostly running the ball with success, and despite Kaliakmanis gifting Will Johnson a touchdown, they only trailed 10-3 at the end of the first quarter. 

Michigan got its first offensive score at the ten-minute mark of the second quarter. Blake Corum had busted loose for a 40-yard run earlier in the drive. Then Donovan Edwards carried the ball five yards to the 1-yard line. From there, Blake the Great smashed it home, giving Michigan a fourteen-point advantage. After the defense forced a three and out, JJ got going on the next offensive possession, connecting with Cornelius Johnson for a 49-yard strike before scrambling for a five- yard touchdown on the very next play. James Turner’s extra point made it 24-3. That would have been the halftime score if not for Minnesota’s play of the game, which came on the next series. Minnesota picked up two fourth down conversions on the drive and moved the ball into Michigan territory as time ticked away in the first half. Then, on 2nd and 10 from the Michigan 35, with only thirteen seconds left in the half, Kaliakmanis dropped back and delivered a beautiful spiral on a fade route to wide receiver Daniel Jackson in the endzone. In stride, Jackson hauled it in for the Gophers touchdown. Huntington Bank Stadium erupted. Finally, they had something real to cheer about. They still trailed by 14 at half. 

Gopher fans wished us good luck on the concourse and in the bathrooms during halftime. “These fans are friendlier than any I’ve encountered before,” Al and I agreed. 

Tightening its grip, the Michigan boa constrictor sucked the life from the Gophers in the second half. McCarthy commenced the scoring midway through the third quarter when he scrambled seven yards for his second rushing touchdown of the night. Capping a 9-play, 78-yard drive – a drive that included completions of 17 and 34 yards, respectively, to Roman Wilson – this one put us ahead 31-10. JJ wasn’t done yet. On the next possession he threw a 24-yard touchdown pass to Colston Loveland. Trailing 38-10, at that point, Athan Kaliakmanis subsequently threw his second interception. It was another costly one: Keon Sabb took it 28 yards to the house for Michigan’s second pick-six of the night. Cue the Minnesota student exodus; the Gophers trailed 45-10. 

Half the stadium had emptied by the time Al and I decided to head out in the fourth. Only three or four minutes of actual game clock remained. It was chilly. If we thought we were getting a head start on traffic, we had another thing coming. Traffic was completely stalled in Minneapolis. An Uber picked us up about a half mile from the stadium, but we waited upwards of 20 minutes in the backseat just to merge onto the highway. The music our driver played caused a double take. “Is this a real song?” we wondered. “Is he singing ‘fuck you back to sleep girl?!’ The song sounded catchy, actually, in a punch-drunk way, but then we googled the lyrics and realized Chris Brown authored the song.

“Aren’t we responsible, now,” Al mused when we finally returned to my apartment, “saving some blow for the nightcap.” He snorted a slug of a line from my Bruce Springsteen book and divvied one out for me with a plastic card. “The cocaine did hit the spot,” I agreed. We ordered wings and turned on the late-night game from the West coast, USC versus Arizona. Stunningly, Arizona bottle-rocketed to a 17-0 lead, but Caleb Williams and the Trojan offense answered with two touchdowns of their own. Al called Austin to see how her birthday celebration went. He put her on speaker phone. “Happy birthday Austin!” I bellowed. She sounded very intoxicated. 

Al took a gummy in hopes it would put him to sleep. I stayed up and finished the powder. When I woke up Sunday afternoon, Al was still laying on the floor, watching NFL coverage at a low volume. He went to visit his brother and nephew before his flight left Sunday night. Grateful for my Monday off, I savored Sunday Night Football, which pitted NFC contenders Dallas and San Francisco against one another.

R.I.P. Obi Ezeh (1988-2024)