Thursday, March 14, 2024

Michigan vs. Everybody: RUTGERS

 RUTGERS


Saturday, September 23, 2023


MPLS – Thunderstorms rolled in this afternoon, giving me an excuse to stay inside and watch college football all day guilt-free, in bliss. The slate of games for college football’s fourth week looked to be the biggest Saturday yet; matchups included #4 Florida State at Clemson, #6 Ohio State against #9 Notre Dame, #19 Colorado at #10 Oregon in the Buffs’ first real test, #15 Ole Miss at #13 Alabama (Kiffin v. Saban), and #14 Oregon State at #21 Washington State. The slate started, of course, with #2 Michigan hosting Rutgers at 11 a.m. (‘Sota time). Back on the sidelines for the maize and blue was our head coach, who returned from a three-game suspension in time for Michigan’s first Big Ten game. 


Not long ago Rutgers represented a genuine challenge for the Wolverines. Most notable in their recent series history is the game in Piscataway from the Covid-shortened 2020 season, a game in which Rutgers led 17-7 at half before Michigan rallied and forced overtime. Even then, it took three overtimes for Harbaugh’s squad to prevail. That victory was one of only two the Wolverines notched during that failed season, one after which many clamored for Harbaugh's head while others, having lost faith, hedged on the issue. Harbaugh returned to lead the Wolverines to a Big Ten Championship the following season, but we still struggled to put away Rutgers. In that one, Cade McNamara and Michigan’s offense looked lackluster. They narrowly escaped with a 20-13 victory despite getting outscored 10-0 in the second half. 


On a personal level, such recent memories contributed to a tempered confidence level going into the 2023 contest against Rutgers. So did the game’s first drive, which ended after only three plays in a touchdown for the Knights. On third down, Rutgers quarterback Gavin Wimsatt threw a spiral over the middle to Christian Dremel. Michigan’s secondary had allowed Dremel to get behind them, and the result was that they never touched him after he caught the ball. Dremel went 69 yards to the house. It took Rutgers only one minute to take the lead.


Didn't Michigan's defense start slow last week, too, I wondered? Rutgers’ fast start felt less like a fluke, however, after JJ and the Michigan offense answered with a three-and-out. Corum ran for five on first down, JJ misfired on second, and then the Knights sacked McCarthy on third down. Oh dear. Tommy Doman, a Junior from West Bloomfield, Michigan, punted the ball back to the Knights.


Fortunately that was the extent of today’s panic. Aided by two flags that went against the Rutgers offense, Michigan's defense forced a three-and-out on the next possession. Then, despite a 75-yard whale of a punt that pinned them inside their own ten-yard line, Michigan’s offense got back on track with its second drive. After a 33-yard completion to Donovan Edwards pushed the drive into Rutgers territory, Sherrone Moore dug into his bag of tricks, calling for a flea flicker. JJ handed the ball to Corum, Corum flipped it to Edwards, and Edwards pitched it back to McCarthy; McCarthy then threw a dime down the sideline to Colston Loveland, who nearly scored, going 35-yards before being brought down at the Rutgers 2-yard line. From there, Blake handled things, smashing it in for his first of two touchdowns on the day. 


Tied 7-7, the game settled down thereafter – Michigan’s defense tightened following Rutgers’ opening-drive touchdown, holding the Knights to only 182 yards the rest of the game. Neither side scored until late in the second half, when Michigan got its second TD with five minutes left on the clock. That drive saw JJ lead the offense 79 yards in 11 plays; it culminated in an 18-yard touchdown pass to Semaj Morgan, the outspoken freshman who also hails from West Bloomfield. 


24-point favorites in Vegas, Michigan led only 14-7 at half, leaving a bitter taste. To make up for it they turned on the burners in the third quarter. Michigan got the ball to open the half and executed its boa-constrictor modus operandi with a 14-play drive that ate up nearly eight minutes of game clock. After McCarthy took a sack on a third and eight at the Rutgers 21-yard line, Harbaugh called for his field goal team. A senior from Saline, James Turner nailed the 46-yarder, putting to rest any notion of a Jake Moody hangover and pushing the home team's lead to 10.


The ensuing Rutger’s possession felt like the nail in the coffin. It started well enough. The Knights’ offense drove 48 yards to the Michigan 27-yard line before the Michigan defense forced a fourth and two. Down only 10, Rutgers head coach Greg Schiano chose to roll the dice by going for it on 4th down, a decision that backfired. Gavin Wimsett attempted a screen pass, but Mike Sainristil jumped the route, picking it off before he found open grass and took the interception 71-yards to the house for a dagger of a touchdown. Sainristil donned the turnover buffs on the sideline and Michigan pulled ahead 24-7. Corum scored his second touchdown of the game early in the fourth quarter, giving Michigan a 31-7 lead that proved the final score. The 4-0 Wolverines travel to Nebraska next weekend for their first road game of the season.


Meanwhile Bo Nix and the Oregon Ducks had started tearing apart Cinderella’s gown. The Ducks steamrolled Coach Prime’s heretofore undefeated Colorado Buffaloes, racing to a 36-0 lead by halftime. Oregon looked better than Michigan, hands down. That halftime score was a statement. It indicated that Oregon was a legitimate national championship contender, but it also provided a dose of humility for the Buffaloes, previously the darlings of the college football season. The blowout diminished the value of the 2:30 slate of games, which saw few competitive matchups. On the road in East Lansing, Taulia Tagavailoa and the Maryland Terrapins housed Michigan State, whose season appeared lost already following the recent suspension and imminent firing of head coach Mel Tucker. Other afternoon results included Alabama defeating Ole Miss in a game that saw Jalen Milroe reinstated as the Tide QB and Utah beating UCLA in a 14-7 snoozer. 


Saturday night featured the day’s marquee matchup, Ohio State at Notre Dame in the first top-ten showdown of the year. Iowa also went on the road to Happy Valley, but most expected Penn State, 14-point favorites in the game, to remain undefeated. Indeed, the Nittany Lions smothered Cade McNamara and the Hawkeyes 31-zilch in front of a white-out crowd. Iowa's offense looked putrid.


At Touchdown Jesus Stadium in South Bend, the Irish trailed the Buckeyes 3-0 at halftime when Kara, a Tinder match, made an inquiry about coming over. What the hell, I said, come on over, but give me some time to clean up a bit. While I cleaned Ohio State defeated Notre Dame in wild fashion. Up 14-10, Notre Dame punted to Ohio State with only 86 seconds left on the clock. Kyle McCord, the first-year starter for OSU, utilized his talented cast of receivers to march the Buckeyes down the field, setting up a 1st and goal from the 1-yard line with only seven seconds left. Two incompletions set up a 3rd and goal with only a second on the clock. In a coaching gaffe, Notre Dame fielded only 10 players for the last play of the game, which saw Chip Trayanum run it in for the game-winning score. What a big win for Ryan Day and the Nuts.


Kara arrived as Pac-12 After Dark started, featuring reigning-Heisman winner Caleb Williams and USC v. Arizona State. She was a fourth grade teacher, and that gave us plenty to talk about. I enjoyed the night with her. In fact, I kind of liked her. I told her I hoped I’d get to see her again. It rained and stormed all night.


As ever, Sunday morning found me alone. I watched Cujo while drinking coffee in continuation of a week-long Stephen King marathon.  I watched Graveyard Shift, Silver Bullet, and Thinner earlier in the week, commencing my tradition of watching horror movies throughout October a little early this year. In my book, Edgar Allan Poe's despondence ("it was night in the lonesome October/ of my most immemorial year") produced the poem "Ulalume," in which the narrator stumbles upon the mausoleum of his dead lover "in the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir."

Monday, February 26, 2024

Michigan vs. Everybody: Bowling Green

 BOWLING GREEN


Friday, September 15, 2023 -- Millwood Village, Westland, MI

Through scattered, dime-sized slits in the tree canopy, collonades of sunlight beam down upon the faded wooden deck at my parent’s house. I love this spot. It’s even quieter than I remember on this carefree Friday afternoon. Hidden above the brilliant green canopy is a partly cloudy, cornflower blue sky across which big fat animal clouds move slowly, if at all. Gus, just back from a walk with Dad, wanders out to the deck from the opened screen door. He sniffs the air, licks his butt, then, like an overly-dependent toddler, retreats inside to look for Mom, who is taking a quick nap. Some chipmunk cousins dash in and out of the late Mr. Reshke's woodpile in the backyard next door. Good old Mr. Reschke. A small cross memorializes him near the treeline; seeing it, I remember the cowboy he was at heart and wonder how many times he must have held his tongue while we used his yard as an extension of our backyard football field sans permission. Unlike other neighbors – some who, in their limitless suburban boredom, made it their life’s mission to tear down our fort, going so far as to take it up with the board members of the subdivision – Mr. Reschke never complained; he just smiled, said hello, smoked his cigarettes, carved his woodwork sculptures, and watched our play with a firm commitment to letting kids be kids. From a single garden pole in our backyard hang three large buckets of flowers. Each of these flower buckets contains 60-70 tightly bundled flowers. One holds purple flowers; one pale yellow flowers; and the lowest on the pole holds flowers of a a more vibrant yellow color with brown fringes, such that it looked like they belonged at at a Wyoming Cowboys football game on senior night. Shouts and calls of high school athletes echo from the Lutheran High School's athletic grounds to the east, an expansive field separated from Millwood by a narrow strip of woods and nothing more, prompting me to wonder if there might be a football game tonight. Homecoming game? Dad and I used to walk to it every year when I was little, drawn by the portable flood lights they brought in just for that one night game a year.  

My mug of Wild Mountain Blueberry coffee sits on a glass table next to a green bottle of Off spray and a Citronella Plant. I rock in my deck chair, gazing out to the precise spot in the woods where the Millwood boys and I built "the fort." Only a few of the leaves on the maples have started shading red -- a pinkish kind of candy-apple red. I actually walk out to the edge of the woods, using a little stepping stone path Mom set out, wondering if I might rediscover the promise of the 1990's by crossing the threshold into the woods. About ten feet in, I drag my shoe over some dead leaves and uncover some old stones I'm sure are relics from the fort; we treasured those stones, as well as all the other junk we kept hidden in the fort, a cache that included hockey cards, a scroll of wheatgrass, a skunk's skull, an arrowhead, pieces of lead and metal unearthed from the soil, and a sister's bracelet that we deemed spoils of war. It's good to be home, good for the soul. 

I landed here in Detroit just about 11:40 a.m. EST, then arrived at my parents' house by 12:30. Had to wake up at 6:15 this morning. It rained in Minneapolis as I drove to the airport, a drizzly morning apt for the hangover of a Thursday Night Football Vikings defeat, this one a 6-point loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. The local sports radio hosts on the early morning shift bemoaned the Vikings' 0-2 start to the season and pontificated that the lucky bounces from last season have become this season's unlucky ones pursuant to the law of averages. Most national pundits predicted as much in the preseason, in fact, but it feels like Vikings fans refused to buy into that narrative, resulting in this city-wide chagrin. 

Never drive during rush hour if you can avoid it. That's a personal mantra. I waited until traditional rush hour faded, say 6:30ish, to drive to Frank's for the traditional cousin visit I make upon returning to Michigan. From Westland, it's a thirty-minute drive to the countryside of Wolverine Lake. I let myself in through the garage and stumbled upon Ainsley watching Bluey and playing solo in her little fenced-in play space, basketball hoop and ball pit included. Apparently Frank failed to give Mariah the memo because she jumped when she saw me in the living room. The two of us shared a joint in the garage shortly thereafter, then Frank set me up with my frisbee of adderall powder. I started right in on the pile and fired up the Nintendo 64 in Frank's office (my guest room) for a game of Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball. Frank and I have a season going with the Seattle Mariners, who are currently sitting at 59-0 in the standings; Griffey leads the league with 40 dingers. Setting perhaps my all-time record(?), I scored 72 runs total in the game, my most in a long time at the very least. Then I drove back home to my parents' house around midnight. Stayed up late combing through old Northville Observer records for notes on escapees from the Northville Regional Psychiatric Hospital -- research for my second novel. At one point in the 80's, Northville Regional Psychiatric Hospital averaged two escapes per day. This resulted in many terrified locals reporting disturbing encounters with frothy-mouthed figures in white gowns. 

Saturday, September 16, 2023 -- Grand Rapids, MI, The Loft at Luna

Though I barely slept, I went downstairs to the kitchen around 8:00 a.m. to make coffee and catch College Football Gameday on ESPN. The Gameday crew broadcast live from Boulder, Colorado one week after FOX's Big Noon Kickoff Crew hosted their show there, pushing Coach Prime-fueled Colorado Buffalo mania to its zenith. Mom and I watched for a bit before she left to make a trip to Meijer for chili ingredients. She makes chili every Michigan game day, and it felt good to be home and experience that familiar process. Dad slept in. I finally showered around noon, packed my bag for Grand Rapids, where I had to be at Al's wedding Saturday evening, and got on the road by 1:15. Michigan State Football hosted the Huskies of Washington at 5:00, so I hit quite a bit of traffic around Lansing, but it wasn't a terrible drive. 

Arrived at Al and Austin's empty house around 3:30 in the afternoon, which left me only an hour to get ready for the wedding. Al left me a key in the mailbox. Being there brought back fond memories of bonfires, Yahtzee, social gatherings, and sleepovers. Much has changed since I moved to Grand Rapids three years ago this very month, including my state of residence. Initially, I had moved there to be close to Al, whom I met freshman year of college when we lived directly across the hall from each other in Mary Markley. He'd recently returned to Grand Rapids, his hometown, from a stint abroad in Africa, and I was recently single, thinking we’d be starting fresh together. Also, I was restless as always. My move was ill-timed, however, for Al met the bride-to-be right around the same time. The possibility of living with Al turned into Al moving in with Austin. It made me feel like the last outlaw from college but in a somber way. Reflecting on all this, I dressed in the guest bedroom, putting on my navy slacks, suede shoes, white button-down shirt sans tie, and a black sports coat. I left at 4:30, but downtown Grand Rapids was packed for one or more events -- one appeared to be an out-of-season Griffins game? -- causing me considerable distress as I tried to find parking. 

In truth, I felt nervous. I hadn't seen most of the BOX guys, my roommates from college, in several years, some not since I had quit drinking. What if I was the only one who'd aged? Maybe they had all stayed really tight while I was quitting drinking, embracing hermitude, chasing Lake Superior sunsets, and turning westward as I searched for purpose and meaning. Moreover, I was going stag to a wedding, a veritable trigger for my anxiety. To my relief, I ran into the B's, next-door-neighbors to Al and Austin, outside the wedding venue and walked in with them. Found Jello inside and talked sports with him for a bit, then Marilyn, Ross, Paul, Craig, Zola. Indeed, most of them had aged. Wilder still, most were parents. Marilyn showed me photos of her and Ross' son, Henry. Apparently, Paul has more than one! Michigan State got throttled at home by Washington and Michael Penix Jr., giving us something to talk about. 

Al's brother Nick, who bought us booze our freshman year in college, officiated the five-minute ceremony. No groomsman, no bridal party; very informal affair, the way I'd have it. The venue served tacos for dinner afterward, then dimmed the lights and turned up the music. To my delight, Paul set up his phone at our wedding table so that it displayed the Michigan game. I decided to post up there most of the night. In front of the game was where I wanted to be anyway, but it also provided a place to hide from socialization. Craig set his phone up the same way for multiple, albeit minuscule, viewing angles. 

Once upon a time Al and I both would have scoffed at the notion of a wedding on the night of a Michigan Football game, but I think we've come a long way from those days. Perhaps a jaded factor played into that, or a heartbreak factor. Of course, this game was against Bowling Green, too, a cupcake opponent by any standard. The betting lines favored the Wolverines by a whopping 40.5 points. As such, it was not difficult to prioritize a best friend's wedding over a football game. At this point, Paul, Ross, and Al appeared to be getting drunk off beer. 

Bowling Green caused more than one double-take at the wedding, especially during the first half. JJ McCarthy played the worst game of his career at Michigan. At times he appeared to throw the ball directly to Bowling Green's defensive backs. "There goes the Heisman," Jello scoffed. That turned into, "Are we really trying to lose this game?" and "This would really ruin Al's wedding night, wouldn't it?" Indeed an upset of this magnitude would taint Al's wedding night but it wouldn't surprise me, as Al and I have a terrible track record watching games together, our heart-wrenching college years and thereafter included. Many times had we pondered the notion that we were cursed or targets of some karmic punishment doled out for misdeeds in our previous lives. We attended App State as students, then Oregon the next Saturday; we went to every home game during the 3-8 2008 season, though we blacked out at most of the tailgates; we went to Rich Rod's last game together, a blowout in Jacksonville on New Year's Day (at least for a little while, as Al got kicked out for inebriation before half, at which point the game was already over anyways, so I followed him out); we endured Brady Hoke and watched more than a few losses together during his failed regime; I drove to Grand Rapids to watch Harbaugh's first game with Al, a tough loss to Utah, and again for the 2021 College Football Playoff Semifinal, a doomed date with eventual national champion Georgia. There were some victories in there, including the magical 2022 Ohio State road game when Al drove to Wolverine Lake to watch with Frank and me, but the scales remained lopsided. We deserved a medal for the horror we'd seen together.

Apprehension started from the get-go. On the first play of the game, Falcons quarterback Camden Orth completed a beautiful pass to fellow Florida native (why Bowling Green for these guys?) Odieu Hiliare for 30 yards; initially ruled an incompletion, video review properly affirmed the catch. Nonetheless, it proved fruitless, for Michigan's defense regrouped and forced a punt on the next set of downs. Michigan's first offensive drive went so well that I thought I could stow away the apprehension for the rest of the night and enjoy the festivities. Not to be outdone by Hiliare's theatric catch, Blake Corum got the ball on Michigan's first play and ran 54 yards before being brought down at the Falcon 23-yard line. Edwards ran for 11 yards on the next play, then JJ scrambled for 8 to the 4-yard line, putting them in Corum smashmouth range. Sure enough, Corum scored on the next play up the middle. The drive lasted only four plays, went 76 yards, and included zero pass attempts. 

Things got hairy after that, though. Michigan's defense forced a three-and-out and the offense got to start their drive at the BGSU 43-yard line. This seemed like a golden opportunity to pad that lead. JJ marched the team all the way to the 5 before he threw his first interception of the season. The pick resulted in a touchback. The defender read JJ's eyes the whole play. Bowling Green then proceeded to show their mettle, driving the ball the length of the field with a 12-play drive that took up more than five minutes of game clock and resulted in a field goal that cut Michigan's lead to 4. On the ensuing kickoff, Max Bredeson fielded the ball on a short kick, took a big hit, and coughed it up, giving the Falcons the ball back and a short field to work with to boot. They got another chip shot field goal out of it, making what was supposed to be a tune-up a 1-point game midway through the second quarter. 

Michigan was not done gift-wrapping turnovers. In fact, they turned it over again on their next possession. After driving to the Bowling Green 38-yard line, JJ threw a bomb intended for Cornelius Johnson at the goal line. Badly underthrown, the ball landed right in the arms of Falcons defender Jordan Oladokun. What the hell, JJ?

Fortunately, Jesse Minter and the Michigan defense had more or less figured out Bowling Green's offense, forcing repeated three-and-outs and putting out starting quarterback Camden Orth. Purdue transfer Hayden Timosciek replaced Orth following McCarthy's second pick but provided little spark. Under Timosciek, six of BGSU's next nine drives lasted four plays or fewer, with three of those drives resulting in turnovers. 

With the Falcons offense unable to stay on the field, Michigan took advantage of a tired BGSU defense on the next drive. Acting head coach Sherrone Moore called three straight Corum runs to start the possession, but showed his faith in JJ by letting him air it out thereafter. On 1st and 10 from the Michigan 45, McCarthy got rancher Colston Loveland involved with a 22-yard throw and catch, setting up another 1st down at the BGSU 33-yard line. From there, JJ wound up and delivered a great ball to Roman Wilson for a touchdown, already their sixth touchdown hookup of the season. At Michigan Stadium, the lights flickered maize and blue, then off and on in a display I'd never seen before. Usually blue-haired when it comes to its traditions, the light show celebration seemed so strange it prompted me to ask those watching at the table, "Have we ever had these flickering lights before?" In reply, Craig stated that we had used them once last year for a night game, but conceded that the display was mostly new and particularly progressive for Michigan. I kind of liked them. Turn up the Big House; long overdue. Despite three turnovers, Michigan led 14-6 going into halftime. I utilized the break to hit the restroom, the dance floor, and the bar for Coca-Cola (no coffee at the wedding). I mingled a bit; probably popped a gummy or two. 


"I think the wedding photographer captured you and Ross at the exact moment JJ threw one of his interceptions" - the groom


The wedding’s collective BAC rose steadily as the second half got underway. The idea was to put the Falcons to bed in the second half. Getting the ball to start the second half, JJ and the Michigan offense fell short of calming the fanbase's collective anxiety, going three and out and ostensibly giving Bowling Green a gift-wrapped opportunity to make it a game, something we seemed committed to doing throughout the game. Rather ungratefully, Bowling Green refused the gift. On first down, Hayden Timosciek dropped back to pass and, feeling pressure, made an ill-advised throw that plopped into the paws of Michigan big man Kris Jenkins. The three-hundred-pound senior from Maryland rumbled toward the endzone before finally being brought down two yards short. The Big House, sensing a momentum change finally, erupted. First and goal from the two called for smashmouth Corum again. He had to fight for it this time, but Corum got the touchdown, prompting the flickering lights again. Michigan went up 21-6, giving us some breathing room. 

After that, Michigan's defense controlled the game. Without starter Camden Orth the Falcons simply couldn't move the ball. Their second half possessions resulted in two turnovers, three punts, and one missed field goal, rendering Michigan's offensive struggles moot. Midway through the third JJ threw a fifty-yard touchdown to Cornelius Johnson that put the game out of reach at 31-6. That gave JJ something to add to his highlight real, perhaps, but his third interception of the game, this one in the dying seconds of the third quarter, cemented this one as the worst performance of his college career. Michigan escaped with a 31-6 victory. On one hand, a win is a win no matter how ugly, but on the other hand, the game tempered expectations regarding Michigan's long-term objectives. 

Despite my anxiety, I had fun at the wedding. It was really good to see the old college gang. I had almost forgotten how close we all were once, living together in that filthy house. In his speech, Al's dad Steve gave the BOX table a shout-out and alluded to his drunken behavior at our football tailgates the year he went through a divorce, giving us all a good chuckle. The BOX guys all convened on the dance floor for the final stretch of songs. With gusto the inebriated groom sang "Sweet Tummy Sticks," a favorite from those college tailgates, to end the night. Ross and I laughed and laughed. 

It sounded like they planned to take the party to the bars when the event ended. I was exhausted so I drove back to Al's at that point. When I got there I turned on the TV to find the game of the night just underway, Colorado State at Colorado. The Rocky Mountain Showdown, an irrelevant game for years, took on the feeling of a big game with heightened animosity as a result of CSU head coach Mike Norvell throwing shade at Coach Prime days before the game. Taking a shot at Deion, Norvell said, "When I talk to grown-ups, I take my hat and glasses off. That's what my mother taught me." 

Maybe Norvell had a plan. His team came out ready for a fight. The Rams played with malignant intent all night, and in my evaluation, the vitriol elevated their play and kept the game close, though it would cost them penalty yards more than once. The game wasn't supposed to be close; the spread favored Colorado by a whopping 23.5 points. Yet the teams looked evenly matched. Both started fast, scoring two touchdowns in the first quarter apiece before things slowed down in the second quarter. In a shocker of a score, the underdogs took a 21-14 lead into halftime. It was about midnight. I put on a jacket and went out to smoke a joint on Al and Austin's front porch. 

A wild fourth quarter followed a scoreless third. Down 11 points with 11 minutes left, Colorado staged a furious rally that culminated in a 46-yard pass from Shedeur Sanders to Jimmy Horn Jr. The Buffs got the two-point conversion to force overtime, then won it in double overtime to remain undefeated, the darlings of the college football world. The game ended around two o'clock in the morning.




Saturday, February 17, 2024

Michigan vs. Everybody: UNLV

 UNLV


Sunday, September 10, 2023

I bid adieu to summer, for fall hath arrived since my last entry. This weekend, the sky has been overcast, a shade darker than before. The brilliant ferns outside my apartment’s back entrance died overnight, and the crows materialized out of thin air yesterday morning. Where have the crows been, Edgar Allan Poe? I’m reading Jeffrey Meyer’s biography of Poe right now at Mueller Park; no one else is here, the temp. is only 67, and the Vikings start in five minutes. The church bells from Lake of the Isles rang here at about 11:30 and I am expecting them again any minute to mark the noonday, at which point I’ll walk back to my apartment to watch Kirk Cousins, whose alma mater is in the news again this morning for all the wrong reasons. This time the alleged wrongdoer is head football coach Mel Tucker, who is accused of sexual misconduct by a female motivational and sexual assault prevention speaker. According to my iPhone, the church bells are two minutes late. 

Yesterday was a day devoted to college football, as all autumn Saturdays should be. Like an old man, I woke up at six. That gave me three hours to kill before Big Noon Kickoff even started. I don’t have ESPN so I made the switch to Fox's knockoff version of College Gameday, Big Noon Kickoff, last year, perhaps the year prior. Matt Leinart, Urban Meyer (whom I don't dislike as a host), Brady Quinn, and new host Mark Ingram visited the mountain town of Boulder, Colorado, the epicenter of the college football world at present, to see if Coach Prime’s Buffs passed the smell test. I’d hyped the spread for this game all week, mostly to the BOX group chat that I’d recently rejoined on WhatsApp. Having watched Shedeur Sanders last weekend, I felt certain Colorado, favored by only three, would steamroll Nebraska, who lost to PJ Fleck's Gophers in week one.

Steamroll Colorado did, though not immediately. Nebraska held the Buffaloes scoreless most of the first half; Colorado didn't get on the board until there was 4:20 left in the second quarter, when Jace Feely, son of Michigan all-time kicker Jay Feely, knocked in a three-pointer from 31 yards away. Huskers quarterback Jeff Sims promptly threw an interception, and Colorado immediately capitalized, with Shedeur Sanders connecting with Tar'Varish Dawson for a 30-yard touchdown on the very next play. A last-second field goal from Feely made it 13-0 Buffs at half, and the playmakers on Coach Prime’s squad proved too much for the Huskers in the second half. Nebraska looked like a team with promise but it was clear they were still trying to get the kinks out under new coach Matt Ruhle, whose squad fell to 0-2; Ruhle may have to re-evaluate his starting quarterback. 

Michigan hosted UNLV in the 2:30 C.T. slot. CBS broadcast the game. Jay Harbaugh, filling in for his suspended father, wore the head coach headset to start the game. Tommy Doman booted the ball into the endzone on a sun-kissed Saturday in Ann Arbor, the temperature sitting comfortably in the upper sixties, the sky the color of stonewashed denim. A swell day to be drunk in the student section, I reflected to myself. I wonder what it’s like to be sober in the student section, I wondered subsequently; probably just as swell. 

Unanticipated concern mounted briefly as Runnin’ Rebel QB Doug Brumfield threw for back-to-back first downs. At this point in the season, of course – and indeed through the first eight games or so – any concern was not so much borne out of a fear of imminent defeat but rather out of fear that these displays of weakness would come back to haunt us against real challengers like Penn State and Ohio State. Simply put, a defense that gave up back-to-back first downs to lowly UNLV seemed unworthy of national championship hype. These concerns proved premature, however. Jesse Minter’s unit forced a punt before the Rebels crossed the block M at midfield. 

Endzone yogi JJ McCarthy led the offense onto the field, his calm demeanor infectious. His play seemed to say, in the fashion of Aaron Rodgers to Green Bay fans, “R-E-L-A-X.” He went 5-5 passing on the opening drive. Those numbers included a 20-yard pass to Corum on the first offensive snap, a 16-yard pass to Tyler Morris, and a 25-yarder to Roman Wilson. The run game, which looked ineffective earlier in the drive, heated up in the red zone. On a 3rd and 7 from the UNLV 14, Corum broke off for an 11-yard gain to the 3. Mr. Automatic at the goal line, he punched it in on the very next play. In total the drive went 80 yards in 9 plays, lasting 4:37. 

If the defense had been asleep to start the game, they had woken up by the second UNLV possession. A run to Jai’Den Thomas on first down went for a 3-yard loss. An incomplete pass followed on second down. Then, on 3rd and 13, Derrick Moore, a sophomore defensive end from Baltimore, sacked Brumfield for a loss of 6. UNLV punted for the second time.

Michigan flexed its muscle on its second drive, with JJ orchestrating a methodical drive that saw most of its weapons involved. Sherrone Moore continued trying to get the run game going by giving the ball to Blake to start the drive. Corum ran for 6 yards on 1st down, then for another 8 on 2nd down. Twice Donovan Edwards got the ball only to be stopped twice for no gain. JJ connected with Tyler Morris for a 15-yard gain on a 3rd and 6 to cross midfield, and later he found tight end AJ Barner, a transfer from Indiana, for 12 yards on a 3rd and 7. That took the Wolverines to the UNLV 27. From there, the run game finished the drive. On 1st and 10, Corum ran for 8, then on 2nd and 2, JJ showed off his speed with a 17-yard scamper to the 2-yard line. Guess what Sherrone Moore called for from there. Corum’s second of the day made it 14-0 with 14:56 left in the second quarter.

UNLV’s next possession felt like a last grasp at making the game competitive, if there even was one to begin with (the Runnin’ Rebels were 37-point dogs according to Vegas). Their first play went according to plan: Brumfield completed a pass to Jacob De Jesus that went for 15 yards to the 40-yard line. The following three plays saw UNLV squander away almost all of those 15 yards they had gained. On 1st down, Brumfield dropped back to pass only to be thrown down by Jaylen Harrell, a senior defensive end from Tampa. Harrell’s first sack of the season made it 2nd down and 16 for the Rebs; he wouldn’t have to wait long for his second. Following a three-yard run by Vincent Davis Jr. on 2nd down, Harrell joined forces with Mason Graham, the monster sophomore nose tackle from Anaheim, sacking Brumfield again on 3rd and 13, this time for a 7-yard loss. Graham and Harrell’s joint sack forced UNLV’s third punt, which might as well have had a white flag attached to it. 

McCarthy started the day 11 for 11 passing; his first incompletion didn’t come until less than four minutes were remaining in the first half. Even then, the incompletion didn’t inhibit the offensive drive. Getting the ball with four minutes left in the half, the offense sapped the clock with a 10-play, 83-yard drive in boa constrictor fashion. The drive culminated on 1st and 10 from the UNLV 13 when, with twenty-four seconds left in the half, JJ hit Roman Wilson on a crossing route up the middle for the touchdown, Wilson’s fourth of the young season. Michigan took a 21-0 lead into the locker rooms. 

The second half figured to serve as garbage time for the second and third stringers, perhaps after another insurance score, yet Michigan’s second possession in the third quarter yielded the season’s first special moment, an auspicious one at that. The drive went only three plays. On the first, McCarthy completed a pass to Cornelius Johnson for a 12-yard gain. On the second, Corum fought for a 5-yard gain on the ground. Then, on the third play, a 2nd and 5 from the UNLV 47-yard line, JJ threw again to Wilson, who caught the ball around the 33 and ran it in untouched for his fifth receiving touchdown of the year. The touchdown went for 47 yards. That number – 47 – happened to be written in black sharpie on JJ McCarthy’s non-throwing hand during the game, a salute to his childhood friend and UNLV defensive lineman Ryan Keeler, who wore the number 47 before passing away due to heart arrhythmia in February. What made it even more auspicious was the fact that CBS hadn’t mentioned JJ’s tribute to Keeler until seconds before the 47-yard touchdown pass to Wilson. Was this one of those moments – one that marks the truly special season?

JJ's tribute to Ryan Keeler

Late in the third, Blake Corum’s third rushing TD (5 yards) of the day put the Wolverines up 35-zip. Acting head coach Mike Hart ushered in the backups in the fourth quarter with the game comfortably out of reach. Backup QB Davis Warren threw an interception early in the fourth quarter before third-stringer Jayden Denegal got reps. UNLV put in their own backup quarterback, Jayden Maiavia, in the fourth quarter; against Michigan’s second-team defense, he led the Rebs on a 9-play, 81-yard drive that finally got his team on the board with only two and a half minutes left in the game. The game ended without further scoring: 35-7. Michigan went to 2-0 while UNLV fell to 1-1. 

Saturday’s prime-time game featured #11 Texas at #3 Alabama in a clash of traditional powerhouses, but I couldn’t watch as it was on ESPN. The second game of a home-and-home series, Texas went into Tuscaloosa seeking revenge for last year’s home loss to the Tide, a 20-19 heartbreaker that ended on a last-second field goal booted by Tide kicker Will Reichard. This time, the Longhorns didn’t have to contend with Heisman Trophy-winner Bryce Young; in his place was redshirt sophomore Jalen Milroe, a four-star recruit from Katy, Texas. Because I couldn’t watch this game, I watched Miami (who is even coaching there these days?) take down Texas A&M while eating Chipotle I ordered for dinner. That oughtta heat up some seats in College Station. When the Wisconsin at Washington State game started on ABC, I switched to that game intermittently. Luke Fickell's Badgers started lethargic but rallied. . . only to fall short 31-22. Milroe indeed proved the difference in the Texas - Bama game, and not in a good way. He threw two picks on the night and got outshined by Horns signal-caller Quinn Ewers, who impressed with 349 yards and 3 touchdowns in a 34-24 upset. Nick Saban demoted Milroe following the loss, publicly announcing he'd turn to another starter for Bama's next game against lowly UCF (this proved a temporary demotion). In other finals, North Carolina survived yet another upset-bid by Appalachian State; the Mountaineers took the Heels to double overtime before falling short. In the nightcap on FOX, reigning Heisman-winner Caleb Williams and USC obliterated Stanford. 

It’s 6:40 on a Sunday evening at Mueller Park. The sun’s going down behind the Victorian homes on the west side of Colfax. A souped-up car engine roars onto a nearby freeway. A kid riding his scooter through the park sneezes several times. A solitary cricket chirps in the grass, pining for the lost summer. Earlier today, Baker Mayfield and the Bucs upset the Vikings, starting the season on a sour note, and, drinking coffee (I have Mondays off) and smoking Marlboros, I feel the Sunday evening gloom of a city whose football team lost earlier in the day. The smell of Sunday dinner wafts.


Sunday, January 28, 2024

Michigan vs Everybody

 EAST CAROLINA


Sunday, September 3, 2023

MINNEAPOLIS - Dog days of September continue on the Sunday morning of Labor Day weekend, with temperatures reaching the mid-90s yesterday and expected to do the same today. The low overnight was only 75, meaning I kept the AC unit running all night long; in fact, it ran most of the day yesterday, too, except for the hours during the Michigan game, as the white noise of the machine made it hard to hear the football broadcast. This morning I’m listening to a biography of JFK on audiobook while waiting for Northwestern v. Rutgers (11:00 a.m.) to kick off a second day of the college football weekend marathon. Jack’s dad, Joe Kennedy Sr., residing in London as the U.S. Ambassador to England, sides with Neville Chamberlain and his policy of appeasement towards Nazi Germany; Jack, a rising junior at Harvard, rejected his father’s views on the matter, a stance that clarified Jack was his own man, an independent thinker, by no means chained to his father’s affairs or bonded thereby.

CBS had the Rutgers v Northwestern game, so I had that channel on in the background for an hour or two before kickoff. Pregame narratives centered around the turbulent offseason in Evanston. Northwestern, who fired longtime head coach Pat Fitzgerald after hazing allegations surfaced this summer, named David Braun its head football coach in July. Commentators thought this transition gave Rutgers an edge in the contest. They predicted a rough year for the Wildcats.

Yesterday Michigan Football kicked off its 2023 campaign against East Carolina at 11:00 C.T. on Peacock. My lack of a Peacock account created an obvious predicament. At the last minute, Al sent me the login and password for a throwaway Peacock account, which I hastily typed into my Roku in time to watch the kickoff. I had planned, as a last resort, to listen to the game via Mgoblue.com's radio feature. I figured the game should be over for all intents and purposes by halftime, anyway.

The big story before the Michigan game -- and the season at large -- was Jim Harbaugh’s absence. ESPN salivated over his suspension for weeks; the College Gameday Crew covered it extensively. JJ McCarthy wore a “Free Harbaugh” shirt during pregame warmups, alluding to his coach’s three-game suspension for dubious recruiting infractions (supposedly Harbaugh bought a recruit a burger). McCarthy has the swag and the attitude, for sure; it has changed the culture. Defensive Coordinator Jesse Minter, previously an assistant under John Harbaugh in Baltimore, assumed head coaching duties for the ECU game. Michigan announced that Mike Hart and Jay Harbaugh would split head coaching duties by halves in the second game against UNLV, and Offensive Coordinator Sherrone Moore would take on those responsibilities for the third game of the season against Bowling Green. Expected to roll over its first three opponents -- cupcakes, really -- Michigan expected to have Harbaugh back in time for the meat and potatoes of the Big Ten schedule. Having won back-to-back conference championships but failed twice in the College Football Playoff, the Wolverines had their sights set on more than just the conference title this season. 

“They’ve been coming here since 1927,” Mike Tirico declared as cameras panned over Main Street in Ann Arbor, then the maize-out crowd. “The Big House is full. College football Saturdays are back.” Minter’s defense took the field first after Tommy Doman kicked off to the Pirates. They forced a quick three-and-out. The ECU punter pinned Michigan at their own 2-yard line, creating a dilemma the offense failed to resolve; Michigan, too, went three-and-out on their first possession, failing even to get the ball out of the shadow of the endzone. Doman punted.

Then, on the third play of the Pirates’ second drive, a 3rd and 9 scenario for ECU, Pirates quarterback Mason Garcia misfired. The errant pass ended up in the hands of #0, Mikey Sainristil, a converted wide receiver and Michigan’s emotional leader on defense. An auspicious start for Jesse Minter’s Ravenesque defense. 

Again J.J. and the offense took the field. Concern mounted as Michigan threatened to go three-and-out again, but on 3rd and 7, JJ found Roman Wilson for a sixteen-yard gain. Following a 2-yard pass on the ensuing first down, Blake Corum broke loose for a run of 23 yards to the Pirates' 15-yard line, giving Michigan their first red zone opportunity of the young season. Then on a 3rd and 9 from the 14-yard line, McCarthy found Roman Wilson in the endzone for the first points of the season. 7-0 good guys. JJ looked crisp and clean to start the game.

Michigan forced another punt on defense, then went 90 yards in seven plays for their second touchdown. A quintessential Michigan drive, it included a 20-yard pass reception by Cornelius Johnson and a 37-yard run by Corum. From the ECU 2-yard line, Sherrone Moore went to Corum, Mr. Automatic from close range. Blake punched it in for his first score (of many) of the year, making it 14-0. He had 18 touchdowns in 2022.

Later in the second quarter, the passing game opened up to my relief. On a drive that started with 9:48 left in the second quarter, JJ completed 5 out of 5 throws, including one for a touchdown, his second of the game. One ball went to Donovan Edwards for 12 yards. Another went to Cornelius Johnson for 16. Two went to tight end Colston Loveland, the rodeo sophomore from Idaho – one for 24 and one for 15. Good to see the big guy getting involved in the passing attack. And the last pass went to Roman Wilson for a 10-yard touchdown, his second of the game. That put the game pretty comfortably out of reach at 20-0, but kicker James Turner prompted worry about a potential Jake Moody hangover by missing the extra point. Impossible to replace Moody, probably the greatest kicker in Michigan history (Jay Feely is up there), but Turner responded by hitting a 50-yard field goal as time expired in the first half. Maybe there wouldn’t be a hangover, after all. It was 23-0 Wolverines at half. 

The second half played out like a formality. In the 3rd quarter, McCarthy yet again connected with Roman Wilson for their third touchdown, this one a 16-yarder. “Wilson! The hat trick,” Tirico wittily mused. Wilson, who donned the iconic number 1 jersey for the first time on Saturday – having switched from number 14 before the season started – said he wanted to play a game worthy of the other great Michigan receivers to earn the jersey. That select group includes David Terrell, Braylon Edwards, Marquise Walker, and Anthony Carter. His three-touchdown performance proved he belonged among them. Michigan led 30-zip. Second-stringers started filing into the game. 

On the last play of the game, East Carolina kicker Andrew Conrad booted a 33-yarder through the uprights, thereby negating the shutout. It was scrub time, and the field goal mattered not a lick, but I still wanted the shutout. No matter. Without their head coach, Michigan starts the 2023 season 1-0.

JJ McCarthy went 26-30 for 280 yards and three touchdowns in the game, posting a solid passer rating of 95.9. His performance might have been worthy of some early Heisman Trophy hype had it not been overshadowed by a simultaneous performance by Shedeur Sanders, quarterback of the Colorado Buffaloes and the son of head coach Deion Sanders. Deion Sanders, who took over the helm at Boulder in the offseason and brought son Shedeur with him, created waves in the college football world by implementing an unprecedented roster overhaul in the offseason. In total, Deion brought in over 50 players from the transfer portal to join the new-look Buffs. The old-fashioned among the sports media scoffed. Without having coached a single game, Deion had brought intrigue back to Boulder, Colorado for the first time in two decades. The eyes of the college football world were thus on Fort Worth for Colorado’s road opener against the Horned Frogs of TCU. I switched to this game, televised on FOX as part of the network’s Big Noon Kickoff show, when Michigan went up 30-0 in the third quarter. It turned out to be the game of the day from a competitive standpoint, with the Frogs and Buffs battling back and forth in a shootout. 

It looked like another one of TCU’s patented thrillers from a year ago, when they danced like Cinderella all the way to the National Championship Game, but this time they did not have quarterback Max Dugan. More importantly, Colorado had Shedeur Sanders, whose fourth down, 46-yard touchdown pass with less than two minutes left in regulation put the Buffaloes ahead for good. Shedeur amassed more than 500(!) yards passing and accounted for five passing touchdowns, both school records. Instantly he shot up the way-too-early Heisman Leaderboard as a dark horse. 

“Do you believe now?” Coach Prime said emphatically in the post-game presser. The Buffs are here. 

All that excitement and we hadn’t even gotten to the second wave of Saturday games. Probably the biggest game in the 3:30 time slot was tenth-ranked Washington versus Boise State in a battle of Pacific Northwest powers. Boise State scored first. They held a 6-0 lead at the end of the first quarter, but Washington owned the final three quarters. UW scored 28 points in the second quarter and rolled to a 56-19 victory. Huskies QB Michael Penix Jr. nearly matched the stats posted by Shedeur Sanders. One of the favorites for the Heisman, he threw for 450 yards and 5 touchdowns. In other scores, #3 Ohio State defeated Indiana 23-3 at The Horseshoe, Iowa prevailed over Utah State, and Joe Milton and the Volunteers from Rocky Top beat Virginia, a team still reeling from a shooting tragedy last November that took the lives of three players. Bama beat a cupcake, Georgia beat a cupcake, OU beat a cupcake, et. al.

Before the 6:30 nightcap, the Duke’s Mayo Carolina Kickoff featuring Drake May’s North Carolina Tar Heels and Spencer Rattler’s South Carolina Gamecocks, I drove to the Target in St. Louis Park for the first time. First time there because the Uptown Target, which I liked to walk to, recently closed permanently. It had to be Target because my bank account is empty and I got a gift card to Target from one of my students on Friday. As I pulled into the Target parking lot, a sherbet sunset colored the sky with pretty shades of purple, pink, and tangerine. This Target felt like one on a college campus, with a full-sized store (as opposed to the mini-Target Uptown had) and lots of college-aged students roaming the aisles. As a treat, I bought myself dairy-free ice cream to enjoy while I watched the Carolina Bowl, which the Tar Heels ran away with. 


In Piscataway, Rutgers ended up downing Northwestern 24-7. When the Knights took a 24-0 lead in the third, I decided to walk to the park. I found Mueller Park, my go-to, mostly empty. The temp, at a sizzling 95 degrees, explains that. A kid’s birthday party is taking place across the street on Bryant Ave.: a string of colored balloons hangs over the garage door opening, where tables are set up for the party, and there is a kiddy pool and water games in the driveway. The sounds of the kids at play remind me, somehow, of the Roller Coaster Tycoon game on CD-ROM.

The sunflowers on 26th Street, reaching upwards of twelve feet tall, have started wilting in the heat. The grass at Mueller Park is yellowed and dried out, no longer lush or wavy but mostly flattened out. Some hobos sleep on this grass, after all. Airplanes roar overhead every ten minutes or so. Cicadas rattle in the treetops. A police siren wails from downtown. A basketball bounces on the cement court within the park. 50 Cent blares from a passing car, its windows rolled down. 

Sweaty, I walked home for more football. The Beavers of Oregon State, who enjoyed a season for the ages in 2022, look to rekindle the magic as they start the season against San Jose State. DJ Uiagalale, once a Heisman hopeful at Clemson, transferred to Oregon State in the offseason. He accounted for five touchdowns – three passing, two rushing – in a 42-17 rout of the Spartans from San Jose State. 

At 6:30, I turn the channel to the Camping World Classic, a rematch from last year, pitting #5 LSU against #8 Florida State in the first top-ten matchup of the season. Kirk Herbstreit and Chris Fowler called the game for ABC, giving the broadcast an air of exclusivity and importance. Last year the Seminoles prevailed by a point, handing former Irish coach Brian Kelly a loss in his first game coaching the Tigers of LSU. Quarterback Jadyn Davis marched the Bayou Tigers downfield on the opening drive only for FSU’s defensive front to put up a goal line stand. Noles QB Jordan Travis subsequently marched downfield just as easily, scoring on a slant pass to Keon Coleman, a transfer from Michigan State, that went for 40 yards. Daniels and the Tigers answered with a 9-play, 75-yard drive to make it 7-7 in Orlando. 

LSU took a 17-14 lead into the half, but the Seminoles dominated the second half. Jordan Travis wound up throwing for 342 yards and 4 touchdowns. Three of those went to Keon Coleman, who made a statement in his first game in a Seminoles uniform. In the post-game presser, Brian Kelly called his team’s performance in the second half a “collapse.” Florida State wins a statement game 45-23. In Baton Rouge, they have to be wondering why they chose Brian Kelly when Deion Sanders is in Boulder rebuilding that program from the ashes. 


Monday, September 4 - Labor Day

I just smoked a Marlboro (a snowcone, actually) and walked around the block, listening to the cicadas rattle. The sun is going down in the direction of Hennepin and Lake of the Isles, but the heat refuses to let up – as if the heat is a mass or force unrelated to the sun. 

At 7:00, Duke v. #9 Clemson from Wallace Wade Stadium in Durham, North Carolina wraps up an excellent opening weekend of college football. Dabo Swinney’s team looked vastly overrated. Tigers fans were high on quarterback Cade Klubnik, a five-star recruit from Austin, Texas, who replaced DJ Uiagalelei, but the sophomore disappointed in his first game as Clemson’s true starter. He went 27-43 for 209 yards passing, throwing one touchdown and one interception. After trailing 7-6 at halftime, the Blue Devils scored 22 unanswered points in the second half to topple the Tigers 28-7. For Clemson, the season already looked like a downer. 

Goodbye, summer. Gone forever.


Saturday, December 23, 2023

Tuesday, August 22, 2023

Inscription for the Entrance to a Wood

 Stranger, if thou hast learned a truth which needs

No school of long experience, that the world

Is full of guilt and misery, and hast seen

Enough of all its sorrows, crimes, and cares,

To tire thee of it, enter this wild wood

And view the haunts of Nature. The calm shade

Shall bring a kindred calm, and the sweet breeze

That makes the green leaves dance, shall waft a balm

To thy sick heart. Thou wilt find nothing here

Of all that pained thee in the haunts of men

And made thee loathe thy life

William Cullen Bryant
"Inscription for the Entrance to a Wood"

Friday, August 4, 2023

Cider and Slaughter and Football

 


"cider and slaughter and football games with white fogbanks of breath exiting helmets"

David Foster Wallace
"Derivative Sport in Tornado Alley"
1991