Early December

"Early December saw the first of the great blizzards of that year. The wind howling down out of the Canadian wilds a few hundred miles to the north had screamed over frozen Lake Michigan and hit Hohman, laying on the town great drifts of snow and long, story-high icicles, and sub-zero temperatures where the air cracked and sang. Streetcar wires creaked under caked ice and kids plodded to school through forty-five-mile-an-hour gales, tilting forward like tiny furred radiator ornaments, moving stiffly over the barren, clattering ground. 

Preparing to go to school was about like getting ready for extended Deep-Sea Diving. Longjohns, corduroy knickers, checkered flannel Lumberjack shirt, four sweaters, fleece-lined leatherette sheepskin, helmet, goggles, mittens with leatherette gauntlets and a large red star with an Indian Chief's face in the middle, three pair of sox, high-tops, overshoes, and a sixteen-foot scarf wound spirally from left to right until only the faint glint of two eyes peering out of a mound of moving clothing told you that a kid was in the neighborhood. 

There was no question of staying home. It never entered anyone's mind. It was a hardier time, and Miss Bodkin was a hardier teacher than the present breed. Cold was something that was accepted, like air, clouds, and parents; a fact of Nature, and as such could not be used in any fraudulent scheme to stay out of school. 

My mother would simply throw her shoulder against the front door, pushing back the advancing drifts and stone ice, the wind raking the living-room rug with angry fury for an instant, and we would be launched, one after the other, my brother and I, like astronauts into unfriendly Arctic space. The door clanged shut behind us and that was it. It was make school or die!"

Jean Shepherd

In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash

Mistletoe

"Run, run! When you die it will be running.
Feet sinking into sand soft-seeming but not soft.

Bare feet sinking run run for your life. 

Looming behind you, to catch you around the ribs with his big-bear hands.

Never any progress. Quicksand. Yet, always running. 

No choice but to run. Run for your life!

Thick-piled carpet, high-heeled shoes sink into it like (quick)sand. 

Nape of your neck bare resting in the shallow groove, a very cold stainless steel utilitarian table. 

Bare skin the hue of snow at dusk, faint-blue-tinted.

Are you aware of the drain beneath the table? - you do not (actually) see the drain. 

Are you aware of the glaring fluorescent tubing overhead? - you do not (actually) see the tubing in the vinyl-tiled drop ceiling.

Dimly aware of the white-coated figure looming over you. Latex gloves gripping the sharp utilitarian instrument.

Dimly aware of arterial-red color -- (berries?) -- above the double doors opening inward where someone has placed, perhaps prankishly, a sprig of mistletoe. 

It's that season -- mere weeks before Christmas.

Somehow, time has accelerated. It is a riddle, how. 

So long you'd taken for granted that time is an infinite supply to be used as you wish, dipped into, measured by the calendar, the clock, and the watch, now you realize time is the river rushing you along heedless of your wishes. 

When you die, such pranks will continue. Such jokes. 

Mistletoe in such a place!

Refrigerated air, sharp odor of disinfectant."

Joyce Carol Oates

Babysitter (2022)

MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: ALABAMA

 ROSE BOWL GAME

PASADENA, CA – January 1, 2024

#1 MICHIGAN v. #4 ALABAMA (COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF)

The holiday season, my namesake. A time for singing Christmas songs at school, gluing Christmas tree crafts, reading Mickey’s Christmas Carol, gifts from parents in the form of Starbucks and Target gift cards, plummeting temps and Holiday blend coffee, Home Alone, Christmas Vacation, Elf, travel plans. Last year, to save money, I flew home a couple days after Christmas; my family, ever flexible, accommodated my plans by celebrating Christmas late. This plan allowed me to watch Michigan’s college football playoff matchup, which they played on New Years Eve at the Fiesta Bowl, with my best buddy Al and his fiance Austin at their house in Grand Rapids. Michigan lost that one, of course, to TCU. 

This year, I again planned to fly home after the actual Christmas holiday. Michigan’s date with Bama in the Rose Bowl, a trip to the natty on the line, factored heavily into the question of when to fly back. One option mirrored last year’s travel plans: fly home a couple days after Christmas – say, perhaps December 27 – and stay through New Years Eve. That option presented the opportunity to watch the Rose Bowl in Michigan with friends. On the other hand, I considered waiting a bit longer, flying home a few days after New Years Day. In that scenario, I could watch the Rose Bowl in Minnesota and a potential National Championship in Michigan. A potential loss to Bama, of course, nullified the upside of the second option. As such, option two constituted a gamble, one that prompted deep introspection regarding my own faith or lack thereof. Optimism won out, for once in my life; I booked a flight for January 5, three days prior to the national championship. The past twenty-five years taught me not to take for granted such moments, in fact to cherish them, for they occurred only once or twice in a lifetime, if you were lucky. 

January 1, 2024

Christmas alone drained me. A feeling of homesickness built up in my gut in the days preceding and following Christmas Day, zapping my appetite. My drug intake deprived me of sleep throughout the week, exacerbating my homesickness, anxiety, and general despair. All this resulted in a weekend spent catching up on sleep, half-repenting, not exactly stoking myself up for Michigan’s Rose Bowl Game. A cold gray week fit the mood in the days leading up to New Year’s Eve, with rumblings at work to top it all off; Ms. Emily indicated that she is looking for other jobs, and I think she’s serious about it. Moreover, the kids seem ungrateful lately, more annoying than usual. 

Perhaps by distraction I hoped to protect myself from crushed hope. When I woke up this morning, the first day of the new year, I didn’t even have a way to watch the Rose Bowl Game. This dreadful realization occurred to me yesterday. ESPN was not broadcasting the playoff games via ESPN+ – only on ESPN itself, which I don’t have. Kara, on her way home from Texas, where she spent the holidays, suggested I try a free trial of Sling TV. I signed up for a $15/first month plan, figuring I’d spend that much if I went to a Buffalo Wild Wings or some other bar to watch it. As a bonus, the subscription allowed me to watch the ReliaQuest Bowl featuring LSU and Wisconsin, which proved a fine tune-up for the playoff games later in the day. In one of the better bowl games of the season, LSU, playing sans Heisman Trophy winner Jaden Daniels, prevailed 35-31.

Knowing I wouldn’t eat later, I ordered Applebee's via Door Dash about an hour prior to kickoff. James, my dasher, noted my Michigan sweatshirt and my ‘Michigan vs. Everybody’ knit hat and said good luck. He predicted, very specifically, that the Alabama quarterback would throw two interceptions. I sat down and ate my boneless wings, but they did not calm my nerves. In fact, I was a jittery wreck leading up to the game.

In a shot that went viral, post-game, a sky camera panned over the Rose Bowl, looking down upon that storied single bowl stadium nestled at the foot of the San Gabriel Mountains, where the endzones bookending the grass field boasted of two of college football’s most storied programs, one painted crimson with white lettering and the other navy blue with yellow lettering. Alabama and Michigan. The two winningest programs in college football history. 

The way we started certainly didn’t help my anxiety. On the first offensive snap of the game, JJ McCarthy dropped back and threw what appeared to be an interception along the sideline. It felt surreal, like a nightmare you’d had before. Fortunately, the defender had stepped out of bounds before making the leaping grab in-bounds, rendering it an incomplete pass upon video review. We felt grateful to punt, after that near-fiasco.

Michigan’s defense looked fierce, on the other hand. Michigan had been outmatched by Alabama teams previously, most notably in 2012, but the opening drive demonstrated that was not the case anymore. On the contrary, Michigan’s defensive line dominated the line of scrimmage on Bama’s opening possession. On first and 10, Braiden McGregor finally broke free for an overdue sack, bringing down Milroe for a loss of 13 yards. Then, following an 11-yard reception on 2nd and long, Josiah Stewart broke into the backfield and recorded his own sack, this one for a loss of 11-yards, effectively forcing a three-and-out.

Any positive momentum generated by McGregor and Stewart’s sacks, however, evaporated on the ensuing punt, which saw recently inserted freshman Semaj Morgan muff the punt badly. Alabama recovered. This set the Crimson Tide offense up with excellent field position – a first and 10 from the Michigan 44. They took advantage with a quick score, one that saw running back Jase McLellan run 34 yards for a touchdown. Bama went ahead seven-zip after a disastrous start for Michigan.

At that moment, I flashed back to one of my worst ever nights: September 1, 2012, a night that saw Alabama pummel Michigan in Dallas, Texas in the midst of one of my alcoholic benders, one so bad it resulted in my first serious attempt to stop drinking. Alabama led 31-0 in that one before halftime, demonstrating the talent gap and the cultural gap that existed between the two programs then. I blacked it all out.

Remember, though: the 2023 Michigan Football team was not like those that had come before it. They’d proven as much against Penn State and Ohio State. McCarthy and company reminded me of this fact on their next drive, which saw them respond like a true heavyweight fighter. JJ handed off to Corum on the first two plays of the drive, allowing Corum to settle the game down. He ran for 6 yards on 1st and 10, then broke loose for 21 on 2nd down, pushing the ball across midfield and into Bama territory. Then McCarthy got involved, completing his first pass of the game to Colston Loveland for 2 yards and scrambling for 7 on 3rd and 8. Sherrone Moore called for another Corum touch on the ensuing 4th and 1. The gamble paid off; Blake ran for 4 yards, setting up a 1st and 10 from the 34. McCarthy then completed a 19-yard pass to Kalel Mullings before connecting with Corum for an 8-yard touchdown pass – a rarity, this represented Corum’s first reception touchdown of the season – to cap the drive. James Turner added the extra point to tie it at 7. What a counterpunch.

Michigan got the next score, too, but not until late in the half. Five punts – three by Bama, two by Michigan – followed Corum’s tying score, settling the game down into a sort of groove. The fifth of those punts pinned Michigan at their own 17. Corum ran three straight times before McCarthy started showing off his throwing arm. He found Loveland for a gain of 11, then Wilson for 20, and finally Tyler Morris for a 38-yard touchdown. His first receiving touchdown of the season, Morris showed off his speed in reaching the end zone, giving Michigan their first lead of the game. I pumped my first, my first outward display of emotion all day. A missed extra point tempered my rekindled enthusiasm, but not by much. Michigan led 13-7.

In the final two minutes of the first half, Bama marched right downfield in an attempt to double-dip, as they got the ball to start the second half. They’d moved as far as the Michigan 25-yard line when Derrick Moore sacked Milroe for a loss of seven on 3rd and 3. Michigan’s third sack of the half-forced Alabama to attempt a field goal, which the ever-reliable Will Reichard nailed from 50 yards. That made it 13-10 at halftime.

The halftime special: I walked around the block in my Uptown neighborhood, smoking a bowl, first, then a cigarette. With a little bit of snow on the ground, I wore my Bean Boots. It was cold, mid-twenties, and the sky was ashen and gray. The bowl rendered me numb for the beginning of the third quarter – perhaps even most of it. 

Two bad snaps dogged Milroe and Alabama in the third quarter; it was an issue that had plagued the Tide earlier in the season and would factor into the end of the game. On their third possession of the half, though, a bad punt set them up with good field position and Milroe made some big plays. He ran it four times for 37 yards and threw once for 9, practically willing the Tide into scoring position. The drive culminated in a 3-yard touchdown scamper by running back Jase McClellan, his second of the game. That put the Crimson Tide back ahead 17-13 with the fourth quarter just underway. 

Sundown over the San Gabriel Mountains, rendering the sky purple and pink. A quick three and out for Michigan gave Bama the ball back and made things feel dire. I paced throughout, picking at my fingernails. Then Jalen Milroe fumbled the ball at midfield and. Josh Wallace recovered for the Wolverines. You could hear the momentum changing in Chris Fowler’s voice. But Michigan failed to capitalize. In what felt like his first missed field goal of the season, James Turner hooked a 49-yard attempt left. Jesus, when’s the last time we missed a field goal, I wondered. “We’re going to lose,” I texted Kara. 

Then Michigan got another sack from Braiden McGregor, his second of the game and the team’s first of the second half. It came at a critical juncture, as it forced the Tide to settle for a field goal try. Will Reichard nailed it, giving Forrest Gump’s alma mater a 7-point lead with just under five minutes left in the game. 

On the ensuing kickoff, the sky in Pasadena looked periwinkle, mauve, and creamsicle sherbet. “With 4:44 left,” Fowler declared, his tone somber, “Michigan can’t be sure they’ll see the football again.” Sudden death. The season in the balance. Are we going to lose to Bama like always? Or is this the team to rewrite history, to finally top ‘97?

4th and 2 on our own 33. “Harbaugh pushes all the chips into the middle of the table.” The eternally-money McCarthy found an open Corum for a big gain. The season, the dream remains alive for the moment. Corum crosses mid-field, but a block in the back penalty brings it back to the 50. On the next play, JJ scampers 14 yards for another first time. We’re moving, but the clock is down to 2:20, now. JJ takes the snap and throws high to Roman Wilson. Too high, but Roman Wilson leaps to make a sensational catch, then turns and runs with it inside the 10-yard line. Wasting no time, the team hurries to line up. JJ takes another snap and finds Wilson again. Wilson skips into the endzone and does a childlike jump in celebration – TIE GAME!

Arguably as good as Woodson’s 1997 unit, the defense held, but a muffed punt – yes, another – nearly gift-wrapped the game for Nick Saban. Fortunately, forward progress negated a safety; we got the ball at our own 1-yard line with 44 ticks of the clock left. Just get us to overtime, boys. A Blake Corum burst gave us breathing room, then JJ kneeled twice to run out the clock. We were damn lucky to escape to overtime. Then again, luck often favors championship teams. 

Flashback to the 2000 Orange Bowl, watching with my dad on the plaid couches in our living room in Millwood – Tom Brady’s best game in a Michigan uniform. It ended in overtime when Alabama’s placekicker shanked an extra point attempt that would have sent the game to double overtime. Dad and I jumped up and down in celebration. I was 12. Now that the Rose Bowl was headed to overtime, I wondered if it too would become one of those magical memories. 

Somehow, the trauma of the late-Carr/Rich Rod/Hoke/early-Harbaugh eras rendered me hopeless going into OT, though. Always expecting the worst and prepared to suffer it. I mean, Michigan more or less validated such notions on multiple occasions during the game: first on JJ’s overturned interception, first play of the game, then on both fumbled punts, the second of which delivered a near-fatal blow to my general welfare. Brian Cook of Mgoblog wrote aptly of this phenomenon. He called it a healing process. Only beating Bama in the Rose Bowl could heal the wounds of TCU and Georgia from the previous two years, the wounds of the 2007 Rose Bowl, when USC dominated us 32-18 my freshman year, the wounds of the 2005 Rose Bowl loss to Vince Young’s Texas Longhorns. 

Two fitting captains, symbols of the team, even, Sainristil and Corum walk out to midfield to attend the coin toss. Bama wins it; Michigan goes on offense first. I assumed the fetal position, terrified, then paced. JJ handed the ball to Corum. On first, Corum took it for 8 yards. Then on 2nd and 2 from the 17, he breaks free for a beautiful dash to the corner of the endzone. Improbably, this very touchdown made him Michigan’s all-time leader in touchdowns scored, truly a legend. A run a lot like the touchdown run immediately after the Zak Zinter injury against Ohio State – a legacy run. Turner banged through the extra point, putting Michigan ahead 27-20. That put the onus on Bama to match or die. 

The Tide looked sharp to start their possession. On 2nd and 10 Milroe made a great run that looked like it might go for six, but Rod Moore brought him down at the 8. First and goal for Alabama. The defense battened down the hatches. “Nothing there,” Fowler said of first down. Then on 2nd, Mason Graham, the California kid, broke through the line and brought McClellan down for a loss of six yards. “Two plays to get 14 yards,” Fowler noted. On 3rd down, Milroe connected with Jermaine Burton, who caught the ball around the 3-yard line. Rod Moore and Josh Wallace made sure Burton didn’t get any farther. 

Two godforsaken timeouts ensued – time enough for a heart attack. What crossed my mind during this ungodly purgatory was what Rod Moore said about his game-ending interception of Kyle McCord: “someone’s gotta call game. I called game.” A flicker of confidence in my soul, perhaps? Finally, the snap. Another low one. Milroe rushes forward over the left guard and left tackle. He’s stuffed!

Michigan players rush the field. The maize and blue confetti flew. Bring out the freshly cut roses. I texted multiple parties, “I’m coming home for the natty!” Jubilation within my studio apartment. The MVP award went to JJ McCarthy, who held a rose between his teeth. One more to go, baby. 

Kara came over for a bit after the game as we hadn’t seen each other in over a week. “I’ve never seen you this happy,” she commented. Big smiles, indeed. “The best part,” I told her, “is we get to watch the Rose Bowl highlights during halftime of the Sugar Bowl.” And the announcers would mention it throughout, of course. We weren’t exactly paying close attention to the Sugar Bowl, but Penix and his corp of NFL-caliber receivers looked sharp, as efficient as any college offense I’d watched this season. In fact, I was in the camp that thought Penix deserved the Heisman. 

UW got 3 passing touchdowns in the first half alone. Each one gave them a lead but Quinn Ewers and Texas answered each time. At halftime the score was 21 all. Then UW dominated the third quarter; the Huskies took a 31-21 lead into the fourth. The Longhorns had their chances and they were able to move the ball – even a couple shots at the endzone in the final thirty seconds – but in the end they fell short. I fell asleep as it was ending – I had to work at eight in the morning.

In the morning, headlines on my phone confirmed: Michigan versus Washington for the National Championship. 

A Free Ticket to Hell

 

"The county jail had to be one of the oldest buildings in Utah County. By July, it was hot enough inside to offer a free ticket to hell. With its windows open, you had to breathe the exhausts of the freeway. The prison sat on the edge of the desert in a flat field of cinders midway between the ramp that came off the freeway and the one that went up to it. The sound of traffic was loud, therefore. Since a spur of a railroad track also went by, boxcars rumbled through the interview."

Norman Mailer

The Executioners Song

MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: B1G CHAMPIONSHIP

 BIG TEN CHAMPIONSHIP – INDIANAPOLIS

December 2, 2023

Yesterday I received a text from a coworker regarding adderall for sale. After work I drove to her apartment complex – a fancy skyrise on the Mississippi River in downtown St. Paul – to meet her. I bought 10 of them and I’ve been at it ever since – through Friday night, into Saturday morning, and into Saturday night’s Big Ten Championship Game.

Despite their offense becoming a nationwide punchline this season – four of their games featured the lowest over/under numbers in college football history, including the lowest ever at 24.5 when they played Nebraska, with the under hitting in each of those –  Iowa managed to ride their first-rate defense and strong special teams to a Big Ten West title, clinching it on their Senior Night with a comeback victory over Illinois. They finished their regular season with a solid 10-2 record, their only losses coming at Penn State (31-0) and against Minnesota (12-10). The Big Ten West title earned the Hawkeyes their third trip to the Big Ten Championship Game since its inception in 2011. They were 0-2 in those games – the latest a blowout loss to Michigan in 2021 – and Vegas oddsmakers did not like their chances of beating Michigan this year. In a rematch of that 2021 Big Ten Championship Game, the betting line favored the Big Ten East champs by a whopping 21 and a half points, with the over/under set rather low at 35. 

For Michigan and its fanbase, Indianapolis had become familiar territory of late. The 2023 Big Ten Championship represented Michigan’s third trip to Indy in as many years.  They had won it outright in 2021 and 2022. Five years ago, the prospect of three straight Big Ten Championship Game appearances sounded like a pipe dream for Michigan fans. I remember the angst and jealousy I felt when Michigan State made the Big Ten Championship three times in its first 5 years – Sparty went 2-1 in conference championship games, losing to Wisco in the inaugural Big Ten title game before winning it in 2013 and in 2015 over Ohio State and Iowa, respectively – and I recall confessing to one close Spartan friend that I wished we could just make an appearance in one. In those dark times, a multitude of reasons made it feel unlikely that we’d ever get to Indy, but Ohio State’s dominance against us in The Game made it virtually impossible. An end to the Buckeyes dominance in the rivalry never felt imminent or even forthcoming; as such, I accepted our demotion in terms of prestige and national relevance as a permanent one.

Even Jim Harbaugh, embraced as a savior in Ann Arbor before he even coached a game, failed to get us there through the first six years of his tenure, cementing my permanent hopelessness. That is, until he did. It took him six years – perhaps an indication of how bad the program’s culture (read: country club atmosphere) was before his arrival – but when Harbaugh got us there, it was with a team that bore no resemblance to any Michigan teams of the past 15 years. Harbaugh had changed the culture. The team he took to Indy was a gritty one, one full of heart and swagger.

Michigan won the Big Ten Championship in both 2021 and 2022, defeating Iowa and Purdue, respectively, but the fact that we subsequently lost in the first round of the College Football Playoff both years made the 2023 version of the B10 Championship feel more like a chore than something to be enjoyed. Michigan had bigger goals in mind, making it a bit of a trap game. That Michigan was coming off of perhaps the biggest game in program history – the ramifications of their matchup with OSU a week ago extended far beyond the normal parameters of The Game, in light of the sign-stealing accusations levied against Harbaugh and co. – increased the danger of a trap game. It would have been understandable if Michigan overlooked Iowa, considering not only the magnitude of their victory over Ohio State but also the result of the 2021 championship game, which saw Michigan embarrass the Hawkeyes 42-3. In fact, Iowa hadn’t beaten us since 2016.

Wearing yellow pants and black jerseys, Iowa received the opening kickoff at Lucas Oil Stadium only to go three and out. Kirk Ferentz sent out Tory Taylor, the excellent punter who saw the field so much that Hawkeyes fans wore shirts celebrating him. One such shirt read: “I cheer for the punter.” Another said: “Punting is winning.” I guess punting got their defense onto the field, but still; I thought that it’d be a cold day in hell when I bought a shirt glorifying a punter. Taylor’s first punt went only 39 yards; Semaj Morgan, serving as the Wolverines’ primary return man for the first time all season, made a fair catch at the 31.

Donning their all-white uniforms, Michigan worked methodically downfield, going 52 yards over 12 plays before Iowa’s defense forced a 4th and 1 at the 17-yard line. Perhaps adhering to a more conservative strategy for this game, considering their offensively challenged opponent, Harbaugh called on his field goal unit. James Turner, an unsung hero of the Ohio State win, drilled it from 35 yards out, putting Michigan ahead 3-0 early. Iowa got their first first down on the next possession, but no more. Tory Taylor trotted out to punt for the second time. This time, he clobbered one, booting it 52 yards. Semaj Morgan fielded the ball inside the ten. He juked two Hawkeyes, then split upfield through the middle, finding a seam and breaking loose. Making his coaches look like geniuses for naming him the first-string punt returner, Morgan took it 87 yards, nearly scoring before being brought down at the Iowa 5-yard line. It constituted the longest punt return in Big Ten Championship game history, and it provided the first sparks of the game for Michigan. From there, McCarthy handed the ball to Blake the Great on consecutive plays. The first went for 3 yards, and the second saw Corum follow fullback Max Bredeson into the endzone. Michigan took a 10-0 lead. 

That constituted the scoring sum for the first half, with both teams blanking in the second quarter. Iowa’s defense continued to look solid, forcing punts on Michigan’s next four drives and prompting me to wonder at halftime what kind of predicament we’d be in had it not been for Morgan’s brilliant punt return. Yet the Hawkeyes offense lived up to their reputation, too, generating almost nothing in the first half. Of their 7 first half possessions, six resulted in Tory Taylor punts. The other one ended when an Iowa receiver coughed up the ball following a reception, resulting in a fumble recovery by Michigan’s Kris Jenkins. 

Unchanged since the end of the first quarter, the scoreboard at halftime read 10-0. For their part, Iowa had to feel like they were still in it; the defense, after all, could only be held responsible for giving up 3 points. For Michigan fans who anticipated a cakewalk, that score felt way too close for comfort; the game plan, moreover, felt too conservative. Nobody questioned that Iowa’s defense carried them all season, yet somehow they still surprised me with how tough they looked early on.

At the same time, a 10-0 lead against Iowa was different than a 10-0 lead against Maryland – a team capable of scoring points in a hurry – for instance. It did not appear certain or even likely that Iowa could put that many points on the board against Michigan’s defense. Furthermore, Michigan – referred to as a boa constrictor for much of the season – notoriously got stronger in the second half. The Wolverines had built a reputation as a dominant third quarter team, in particular, and they got the ball to start the second half.

On the opening possession of the third quarter, McCarthy hit Roman Wilson for a 14-yard completion that pushed the Wolverines into Iowa territory near midfield, but the drive stalled thereafter, forcing another Tommy Doman punt. Doman pinned Iowa at their own 6-yard line, providing another spark from special teams that became a turning point in the game. Iowa ran for 3 yards on the ensuing first down, then quarterback Deacon Hill – who replaced Michigan transfer Cade McNamara during Iowa’s fifth game of the season after McNamara went down with a season-ending injury – dropped back to pass on 2nd down. Mike Sainristil blitzed from the outside, rushing Hill from his blindside. Sainristil hit Hill as the quarterback cocked his arm back to throw. Initially, the officials blew the play dead, ruling it an incomplete pass, but then they went to the replay tent for another look. After video review the refs changed their tune, ruling that Hill’s arm was not yet moving forward in his throwing motion. As such, they ruled the play a fumble that was recovered by Michigan, providing the Wolverines a big swing of momentum in the process. Hawkeyes OC Brian Ferentz, who had learned on October 30 that he would not be retained for the 2024 season on account of the historically inept offense he oversaw, threw a (perhaps justified) tantrum over the call, drawing an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that only worsened matters for his team. This all transpired during a commercial break, making the end result feel like an early Christmas present. 

It took Michigan only a play to capitalize. On 1st and goal from the 6-yard line, Sherrone Moore called on Mr. Automatic. Taking the handoff from McCarthy, Corum smashed it in for his second touchdown of the night, this one a milestone. It was Corum’s 55th all-time touchdown for the Maize and Blue, tying him with “The A-Train,” Anthony Thomas – whom I grew up watching (1997-2000) – for the most touchdowns in school history, a truly astounding feat. The score 17-0, all of a sudden, Corum’s score made me feel a lot better about the game’s prognosis.

In response, the Hawkeyes orchestrated their best offensive drive of the half, which is to say they gained two whole first downs on it. The second one of those pushed Iowa into Michigan territory, a rarity in the game, but Michigan’s defense held there, stuffing a quarterback sneak on 4th and 1 from the 44-yard line. A morale drainer for Iowa, this resulted in a turnover on downs. 

Another James Turner field goal, this one from 46-yards out, resulted from the turnover on downs, extending the Wolverines’ lead to 20-0 as the third quarter expired. To open the fourth quarter, the teams once again exchanged punts in a field position battle. Then Michigan’s defense provided another one of the game’s signature moments. On a first and ten from the Iowa 26, Deacon Hill dropped back to pass, unaware of pressure coming from his blindside once again. Having blown past Iowa’s left tackle, Braiden McGregor charged the quarterback, swatting at Hill’s throwing arm from behind and forcing a fumble that Kenneth Grant promptly fell on at the Iowa 15-yard line. “Woah, Braiden McGregor!” Gus Johnson, calling the game for FOX, exclaimed, “shot out of a cannon.” 

McGregor’s strip sack set up Michigan’s offense nicely with a 1st and 10 within the redzone, but Michigan’s offense only backtracked, subsequently, losing three yards cumulatively over three plays. Facing a 4th and 13 from the Iowa 18-yard line, Harbaugh again called upon James Turner. This time, Turner put it through the uprights from 36 yards out, making the kicker a clutch 3 for 3 on the night. This one gave Michigan a 23-0 advantage with nine minutes and change remaining in the game. 

In desperation mode, Iowa leaned on Deacon Hill’s throwing arm on its next possession, a risky proposition considering Hill’s lackluster performance theretofore (for the game, Hill completed 18 of 32 passing attempts for 120 yards). Generating some momentum, Hill started the drive with two consecutive completions. The first of those went to Kaleb Brown for 5 yards, and the second went to Addison Ostrenga for 19 yards, giving Iowa a first down at the 50-yard line. Then Hill faltered, throwing two straight incompletions before connecting with Nico Ragaini for 5 yards on 3rd and 10. That presented a 4th down and 5 for Iowa at the Michigan 45-yard line, one the Hawkeyes needed to keep any hopes they might have had alive. Instead, Hill misfired again, throwing a fourth down incompletion that resulted in another turnover on downs. Taking over from there, Michigan’s offense battled for 23 yards over 6 plays before the Iowa D forced a 4th and 1 from the Iowa 32. Sticking to the conservative game plan, Harbaugh sent in Turner for his fourth and longest field goal attempt yet, this one from 50 yards out. The distance proved no contest for Turner, who could have staked a claim for game MVP, at that point.

Iowa’s last gasp went nowhere. Faced with a 4th and 12 from their own 43-yard line, Iowa yet again turned the ball over on downs when Derrick Moore sacked Hill for a loss of 4 on the play. That effectively ended the game. Taking over possession with only 1:45 left in the fourth quarter, Michigan kept the ball on the ground to run out the remainder of the clock. With the game clock showing zeros, the scoreboard read 26-0. 

With the victory, Jim Harbaugh became the first coach in Big Ten history to win three straight outright conference titles. Somehow, he managed to dodge attempts made to bathe him in Gatorade. Selflessly, he also managed to make the trophy exchange with Big Ten Commissioner Tony Pettiti – an encounter Michigan fans had salivated over in hopes that Harbaugh might tell Pettiti, who spinelessly caved to pressure from other schools and suspended Harbaugh without due process for the final three games of the season, to kiss his ass – anti-climactic. In doing so, he kept the spotlight on his players, where it ought to be. Specifically, he asked for the spotlight to shine on Michigan’s fallen comrade, Zak Zinter, requesting that the Big Ten Championship trophy go to Michigan’s All-American guard before anyone else. In another classic moment that defined the magical season, Zinter flashed a big smile as he hoisted the golden football.

Craig and Jello, who attended the game, sent inebriated updates through the BOX House group chat. They claimed they were going to Hooters to celebrate. 

Earlier in the day, Alabama had upset #1 Georgia in the SEC Championship game, handing the Bulldogs their first loss in, like, 2 years. The loss to the Crimson Tide might have ended Georgia’s quest for a national championship three-peat, too, as it seems unlikely that the selection committee will give them a spot in the College Football Playoff; there simply did not appear to be room for the Dawgs in it. Having conquered the Big Ten, Michigan looked poised to take over the top ranking in the CFP standings in light of Georgia’s loss. 

Putting Michigan in the top spot represented the easy part of the job for the committee, who look to have their hands full tonight in selecting the third and fourth Playoff seeds before tomorrow’s selection show. Michigan and Washington, both 13-0 conference champs, were locks at 1 and 2, but chaos reigned after that, the third and fourth spots decidedly uncertain. Texas (12-1, Big 12 Champs), Alabama (12-1, SEC Champs), Florida State (13-0, ACC Champs), and Georgia (12-1, defending national champions) all had strong cases for their inclusion. Two of those teams would be on the outside looking in come Sunday evening.

Sunday, December 3

I slept from approximately 3:00 a.m. until 8:30 a.m. When I woke up, I took some adderall, made coffee, and looked for something to watch before the day’s NFL action commenced. I ended up watching a true crime special on Hulu, one that recounted the story of a national parks serial killer who targeted hikers in the southeastern United States. Also listened to some of my audiobook, We Don’t Know Ourselves: A Personal History of Modern Ireland by Fintan O’Toole.

The College Football Playoff selection committee excluded Florida State and Georgia from the CFP. The omission of Florida State caused an uproar, for the Seminoles finished their regular season undefeated, with a record of 13-0. It was assumed that the only reason for their exclusion was the season-ending injury suffered by their star quarterback, Jordan Travis, something entirely out of their control. The committee’s decision marked the first time that an undefeated Power Five conference team did not get selected for the College Football Playoff.

Michigan, the top overall seed in the CFP, drew #4 Alabama in a battle of college football bluebloods. They were to meet in the Rose Bowl Game on January 1, 2024, at 5:00 EST. The other quarterfinal pitted #2 Washington against #3 Texas in what looked to be an entertaining contest. Bama, fresh off their victory over UGA, presented a formidable (read: scary) test, no doubt. Nick Saban surely will cook up a game plan tailored to exploit Michigan’s weaknesses. Then again, the Tide should have lost to Auburn only eight days prior, so they were not unbeatable. At any rate, you have to run the gauntlet if you want to reach the pinnacle.

Sunday was a gray day in Minneapolis, with the temperatures dropping to 36 degrees. Hibernation season has begun in earnest. By 1:00 p.m., I had yet to leave my apartment building. The Detroit Lions took an early 21-7 lead over the Saints in New Orleans. Later, the San Francisco 49ers take on the Philadelphia Eagles, heretofore the top dog in the NFL. 

MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: THE GAME

 Thanksgiving Weekend: 

The Game

#2 Ohio State (11-0) @ #3 Michigan (11-0)

Thanksgiving – Thursday, November 23, 2023

Woke at 5:30 a.m. and turned on Elf while I drank a cup of Joe and prepared to leave for the airport. My Spirit flight departed for Detroit at 8:48 CST, so I tried to arrive at MSP by 7:00. I sat in a window seat and enjoyed a pretty smooth flight. The old lady in the aisle seat of my row tried her best to fish backstories out of me and the guy in the middle seat. He gave her more than I did. Originally from Windsor, Ontario, he was a new dentist – a few years younger than me, I estimated – who had recently taken a job in Duluth. She gushed about Duluth, peppering him with recommendations. Meanwhile I read a pretty sizable chunk of the short story “Lyndon,” which appears in David Foster Wallace’s collection Girl with Curious Hair. In it, DFW creatively imagines Lyndon B. Johnson as a homesexual who carries on a decade-long dalliance with the narrator of the story, a young man who got a job as a mail clerk for LBJ via family connections. My sister Kate picked me up from the airport and we arrived home in Millwood with time to spare before the Lions’ kickoff at 12:30. 

These were no longer the “Same Old Lions” (SOL) – at least not this year; they entered the game with a record of 8-2 – but their performance against Green Bay reminded Detroit fans that they were not far removed from that era. Jordan Love, emerging as the heir apparent to Aaron Rodgers in Cheesehead Land, led the Pack to an early 23-6 lead. I took a brief nap around halftime, expecting the Lions to mount a comeback as they had against Chicago a week prior, but they ended up losing 29-22 in a game they were favored by 8. The loss rendered Detroit winless in seven straight Thanksgiving Day contests. Not only that, but it dropped me to 0-1 for the day in the Zac-Bryan-Frank Thursday Pick-Em League (Bryan also fell to 0-1 while Frank took an early lead, having taken the Pack +8).

Patrick, Colette, Uncle Jim, Aunt Julie, Grandma, and Kate’s boyfriend Rob – whom I met for the first time – all came over for an early dinner. Last year, on account of our various diet restrictions, we ordered Italian catering for Thanksgiving, so it came as a delightful surprise to me that Mom prepared a traditional turkey dinner this year. Rob brought flowers for Mom, who was celebrating her birthday, and he showed great care for my feeble Grandma, both things which instantly endeared him to me. He seemed like an upstanding guy, a good match for Kate and her huge heart. 

In the Lone Star State, the Cowboys hosted the Commanders of Washington in the middle game of the day, one in which Vegas favored Dallas by 13. Bryan and I both picked Dallas, meaning Frank could win the day if the Commanders covered. We also flipped intermittently to the Michigan State vs. Arizona college basketball game, one played as part of a tournament in Cali. Arizona, ranked third nationally, looked dominant. Granted, they played a gauntlet of an early schedule, but the loss to the Wildcats dropped Sparty to 3-3 on the season after starting it ranked in the top 5; they’ll be fine come March, I’m sure. Early on it looked like Washington might cover the spread, but Dallas rolled in the second half, scoring 25 points in the fourth quarter to win by 35; they improved their record to 8-3 while Washington fell to 4-8. 

Dinner was served rather late. As such, all were hungry by the time we sat down in the dining room, where dishes displayed turkey, fake (read: vegan) turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, rolls, and a single baked potato for me. For dessert, Mom brought out pumpkin and pecan pies. All parties departed shortly after dinner on account of the hour and the fact that we’d see each other again tomorrow; we played no board games this time around. 

Borrowing Dad’s Jeep, I left for Wolverine Lake around 7:30. I actually arrived at Frank’s before he got home from his own family festivities, so I smoked a stub of a joint in the garage and let Luna out in the backyard. Mariah and I smoked a full joint when they got home. Dating back many years, Frank and I had developed a habit – prompted initially by the desire to get high after Cullen family festivities – of hanging out on Thanksgiving night, a tradition I loved. We always watched the NFL’s Thanksgiving nightcap. This year, it pitted Seattle against San Francisco in a contest that was never close. The vaunted Niners, quarterbacked by Brock Purdy, steamrolled Gino Smith and the Seahawks, giving Frank the pick ‘em win for the day, as he took San Fran at -8. 

On account of the 49ers blowout, we switched to the Michigan basketball game. They were playing Stanford in the loser’s bracket of the Bad Boy Mowers Battle for Atlantis tournament. After falling behind big in the first half, the Phil Martelli-led Wolverines (Juwan Howard was recovering from heart surgery) stormed back in the second for a come-from-behind victory, advancing to the fifth place game where they would meet Texas Tech on Friday. 

I snorted two adderall pills overnight. I spent the sleepless night watching movies, including Whiplash starring Miles Teller as an undergraduate percussionist. I drove home early Friday morning. 

Friday, November 24

Per tradition – though slightly modified: we no longer go to Ahrens Tree Farm with the Fidelers – we went to get Christmas trees Friday afternoon. We decided to try a tree farm in Ann Arbor where we found success last year. I liked the Home Alone 2 “Lost in Ann Arbor” billboard we had taken pictures at last year. Cold weather spurred the whole family to make decisions rather quickly, for the wind did not promote idling about. While the workers bundled up the trees we took a really nice family photograph together, including Kate’s boyfriend Rob. Afterward we all ate lunch at Wolverine Brewing Company, where a handful of Ohio State fans started trickling in, having arrived for the weekend showdown. I ordered a pulled pork sandwich and a coke. The Red Wings defeated Boston while we ate; another TV displayed college football, a game in which Iowa clipped Nebraska in OT, 13-10. Lastly we stopped at Kate’s apartment down the road to help her move furniture out. Rob and I carried her couch down three flights of narrow stairs to his truck.

After a respite I drove back to Frank’s Friday night, anticipating Saturday morning. We watched Penn State curbstomp Sparty, mercifully ending their season, and Frank surprised me with more adderall from his secret stash. 

Saturday, November 25 – GAMEDAY

Lack of sleep rendered me nervous and jittery early Saturday morning. So nervous, in fact, that I didn’t want to watch either of ESPN College Game Day or Big Noon Kickoff, both of which aired live from Ann Arbor. Instead, I hid out in Frank’s office. Around 8 a.m. I fired up the Nintendo 64 and played a game of Ken Griffey Baseball as part of Frank and I’s saved season with the Seattle Mariners. Ken Griffey Baseball always calms my nerves. At 9:30 Frank and I went out to run some errands, using Mariah’s car. First, we stopped at Bonzanoes Dispensary. Frank went inside to pick up edibles while I waited in the car, listening to music from the radio. Then we swung next door to McDonald’s, primarily to pick up breakfast for Mariah and a large coffee for me. Last, we stopped at the Wolverine Lake Liquor Store, where the clerk greeted my cousin like a regular. 

When we returned to Frank’s house I drank coffee, snorted a couple more lines, ate a mushroom gummy, and listened to some old Game Day Rawk playlists from years ago (i.e. Eminem, Disturbed, Five Finger Death Punch, Metallica, 10 Years, etc.), including “Adamantium,” a playlist I made for the 2016 football season. The music not only pumped me up, it eradicated my nerves. A warrior mentality replaced them. About a half an hour prior to kickoff, Bryan arrived for the game. I was happy he made it, but Frank and I secretly worried he was bad luck for Michigan games. 

Michigan kicked off. Both teams started with back-to-back fruitless drives, making for a tiptoe start dominated by the defenses. Then on Ohio State’s third drive, QB Riley McCord tried to find wideout Marvin Harrison Jr., widely regarded as the best receiver in college football. Another All-American, Will Johnson – perhaps Harrison Jr.’s equal, on the other side of the ball – jumped in front of the throw, catching it for an interception and returning it to the Ohio State 10-yard line. Wearing the number 2 on his jersey, Johnson’s pick reminded one of Charles Woodson’s heroics in the ‘97 game. Michigan Stadium roared in celebration as the turnover presented a huge opportunity for the home team to capitalize.

Despite being gifted the first and goal, Michigan’s offense struggled to score. On a 3rd and goal from the 1, Corum took the ball and rushed towards the endzone. He appeared to cross the threshold of the goalline, but officials ruled him down just short. Replay review ensued; the call on the field stood. No matter: Michigan gave the ball back to Corum on 4th, and this time he leapt into the endzone for a no-doubter, giving Michigan a 7-0 lead. 

To his credit, McCord responded by making a big third down throw on the next drive to prevent a three-and-out. It went to Harrison Jr. for 24 yards and a big first down, pushing the visiting Buckeyes into Michigan territory. A facemask call went against Derrick Moore and presented the Buckeyes with a first down at the Michigan 27, but the drive stalled after a three-yard run on first down, with McCord throwing back-to-back incompletions thereafter. It set up a 4th and 7 from the 24. Ryan Day sent in the field goal unit, and placekicker Jayden Fielding drilled the 43-yarder, cutting the score to 7-3 with a couple to play in the first quarter. For Michigan’s defense, it constituted a win.

The next drive saw Michigan’s offense flex their muscles in execution of a characteristic boa-constrictor-like drive. It took up nearly 7 minutes of game clock, with Michigan running 14 plays during it. Twice on the drive Michigan went for it on 4th and 1; both resulted in a Michigan first down. This was not Lloyd Carr’s 1997 style of play. This was a team built to attack like a wolverine, to step on the enemy’s throat. It resembled Michigan’s best drives in all but the ending, for it ended not with a Corum touchdown run from short range but in an important replay review. The play in question occurred on 3rd and 10 at the OSU 22-yard line. On that 3rd down McCarthy dropped back and scanned the field before weaving a tight ball to Roman Wilson between two defenders. Wilson caught the ball behind the defenders, ran towards the endzone, and tumbled into it as Denzel Burke brought him down . Refs initially signaled touchdown, setting the Michigan faithful to ecstasy. Further replays, however, revealed that Wilson did not control the football at the end of the play; Denzel Burke actually possessed the ball on the ground in the endzone. Joel Klatt, normally a Michigan homer, speculated that the call might get reversed upon review. In the end, the refs ruled that the call on the field stood; it constituted a crucial call in Michigan’s favor, one that wouldn’t have gone their way five years ago. Perhaps referee bias was nothing more than a sign that the tides of the rivalry had officially turned. Michigan went ahead 14-3.

On the next drive it was McCord and Ohio State’s turn to flex their muscle and prove they belonged. McCord went 4 for 4 on the drive, including a 32-yard toss to Cade Stover that put the Buckeyes into Michigan territory and a 3-yard touchdown pass to Emeka Egbuka to cap the 7-play, 73-yard drive. Egbuka’s touchdown cut the lead to 14-10 with 6:27 left in the first half. 

Maintaining some momentum, Ohio State’s defense then coordinated a stop, forcing a Michigan punt with 3:23 left. Suddenly Ohio State had a sanguine opportunity, a chance to take the lead or cut into it prior to halftime despite getting outplayed most of the half. A 44-yard pass from McCord to Harrison Jr. made such prospects look like a lock, setting up the Buckeyes with a 1st and 10 in Michigan territory with still over three minutes to play. Somehow, though, they blew it. Ryan Day sent on the field goal unit to attempt a last-second kick from 52-yards out, an attempt Jayden Fielding shanked, leaving Ohio State empty-handed going into half, the score still 14-10 Wolverines.

Michigan owed a large part of their undefeated record to their halftime adjustments (props to the coordinators) and their third quarter performances. Going into the Ohio State matchup, the Wolverines had outscored their opponents 123-14 in third quarters, with all 14 of those opponent points occurring a week prior against Maryland. Getting the ball to start the second half, they looked to keep that track record going against Ohio State. McCarthy hit Loveland for a 21-yard gain to start the drive, then backup QB Alex Orji entered the game to provide a new wrinkle. Orji rushed on consecutive plays, the first going for 20, the second for 2. A McCarthy incompletion set up 4th and 5 from the Ohio State 32, forcing Sherrone Moore to call on James Turner, who nailed the field goal from 50 yards, pushing Michigan’s lead back to 7. Turner, a Saline native, was money all day. 

Ohio State started the second half strong, too, though. Following Turner’s field goal McCord led the Buckeyes on a 12-play, 75-yard touchdown drive to tie the game. Ohio State managed to flip the script on the drive, executing a very Michigan-esque drive in which they repeatedly ran up the middle. TreVeyon Henderson, who rushed six times on the drive, scored via a 3-yard touchdown run, making it a whole new ballgame at 17 apiece. The momentum had shifted in a major way. I felt doubtful at this point, haunted by the recent past, but the tides soon shifted again.

The turning point of the game came on Michigan’s next drive when All American offensive lineman Zak Zinter went down with a gruesome broken leg. Both teams kneeled for several minutes while medics carted Zinter off the field. As they watched their teammate and leader -- their brother -- carted off, the Wolverines pledged to win it for Zak. Blake Corum made sure of it. On the next play, Corum took a handoff 22 yards to the house. For the cameras, Corum flashed the numbers six and five with his fingers, alluding to Zinter’s uniform number in a poignant moment that might have defined the season. With the Corum touchdown Michigan reclaimed the lead and the momentum. It was 24-17.

Preserving that momentum, Michigan’s defense forced a three and out. The offense took over next with the third quarter coming to a close. Sherrone Moore dug into his bag of tricks to open the fourth quarter, calling for a halfback pass, a play Moore later called his favorite play call of the season. McCarthy pitched the ball to Donovan Edwards, who then threw down field to Colston Loveland for a 34-yard gain. The Edwards-Loveland connection gave Michigan a first down at the OSU 20-yard line with a chance to go ahead two scores. Sherrone Moore later called the halfback pass his favorite play call of the 2023 season. The drive went no further, leading to a 4th and 10 from the 20. Moore sent out James Turner, who stayed clutch by nailing a 38-yard field goal that gave his team a 10-point lead with just under 12 minutes left in the game.

To their credit, Ohio State never folded. In fact, they answered with a touchdown on their next drive, keeping the game close and preventing easy breathing. McCord completed two big passes on the drive, one a 28-yarder to Julian Fleming, the other a 14-yard touchdown pass to Marvin Harrison Jr. 

Clinging to a 3-point advantage, Michigan got the ball back with 8 minutes left, which was probably too much time. They tried to run out the clock, giving the rock to Corum repeatedly. In a 13-play drive, they ran out 7 minutes of the clock, but not 8. A 4th down and 4 from the Buckeye 19 demanded an important decision for Sherrone Moore: go for the jugular by going for it on fourth (and, if succesful, seal the game now), or kick a field goal and risk giving the ball back to OSU with a chance to win it with a touchdown. Moore called on Turner again. This time, Turner nailed a 37-yarder, but it hardly felt reassuring.

Ohio State got the ball with exactly a minute left in the game. They needed to go 81 yards for a game-winning touchdown. That seemed like a tall order, but then McCord promptly completed two 20-yard passes that made me feel sick with panic and dread. The Buckeyes were driving downfield way too easily. Scarred by the long losing streak we suffered from 2004-2019, I pictured Michigan losing the biggest version of The Game on a last-second touchdown. I pictured reliving that pain for years to come.

Alas: Michigan again proved Team 144 was different from ones that had come before it. As Rod Moore remarked post-game, “somebody had to call game.” Jalen Harrel pressured Riley McCord on the next play, altering McCord’s throw, which was intended for Harrison Jr. Instead, Rod Moore made one of the biggest plays of the season, diving to make the interception. Moore and his teammates ran to midfield in celebration. Some players removed their helmets, resulting in an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. It didn’t matter. McCarthy kneeled once to seal the victory for the home team, Michigan's third straight in the rivalry and their 1,001st win all-time. Sherrone Moore, 4-0 as Michigan's acting head coach, jogged to midfield, where he met the man who was born on third base for the postgame handshake. An iconic photograph was taken of their encounter, with police escorts flanking both coaches. Day leaned in, his head slumped slightly, while Moore held his head upright and stared into his counterpart's eyes contemptuously. 

The most magical season continues. Next up is the Big Ten Championship Game, in which Michigan looks to be a heavy favorite against Iowa, who clinched the Big Ten West title a week prior. His suspension over, Jim Harbaugh will return to the Michigan sideline for it. A victory over the Hawkeyes would give Michigan three straight Big Ten conference titles and a ticket to the College Football Playoff. 

I hugged Bryan and Frank, told them I loved them. I ended up sleeping at Frank’s that night, soaking in the victory. The college football slate included some really good games after The Game: Alabama beat Auburn on a fourth and a mile prayer of a touchdown pass, keeping their playoff aspirations alive; in Seattle, Washington survived Washington State with a last-second field goal, also keeping their title hopes afloat; LSU toppled Texas A&M in Baton Rouge; Florida State bested in-state rival Florida to stay undefeated; at Boone Pickens Stadium in Stillwater, the Cowboys of Oklahoma State outlasted BYU in double overtime. 

MICHIGAN VS. EVERYBODY: MARYLAND

 MARYLAND

Saturday, November 18, 2023

A coworker gave me a magic mushroom and I ate it for breakfast, washed down with cinnamon-flavored coffee. #3 Michigan is on the road in the Terrapin State sans Harbaugh as the university, in a sudden reversal of strategy, accepted the Big Ten’s three-game suspension of their football coach on Thursday. The decision baffled me. The college football pregame shows speculated that the acceptance of punishment felt like an admission of guilt, on some level; perhaps it was, or perhaps Harbaugh did not want to draw attention away from the team. Either way, accepting the suspension meant Harbaugh would be out for the Ohio State game as well. Offensive coordinator Sherrone Moore, who proved himself a capable replacement in Happy Valley, led the team onto the field at SECU Stadium in College Park, serving as the acting head coach for the second consecutive week and the third time this season. 

Wearing the all-white road uniform and sporting heavy, smeared eye black to combat the mid-Atlantic sun, JJ McCarthy led the offense onto the field first after Michigan received the opening kickoff, but the drive sputtered to a three and out. McCarthy’s counterpart, senior Taulia Tagavailoa, led the 6-4 Terrapins onto the field following a Tommy Doman punt. A four-year starter for Maryland, he went 5 for 5 to open the game, leading his team on a 57-yard drive that ultimately stalled at the Michigan 17-yard line. Sophomore place kicker Jack Howes nailed a 35-yard field goal attempt from there, giving Maryland an early 3-0 advantage to the delight of the home crowd. 

After that, Michigan dominated for a long stretch of the first half. JJ showed signs of life on our second possession, kick-starting the drive with a 23-yard completion to favorite-receiver Roman Wilson. Blake the Great took over from there. Over the next eight snaps, Corum rushed six times for a total of 39 yards, capping the drive with a 2-yard touchdown smash up the middle, a Blake specialty. The score gave Corum 19 rushing touchdowns on the season, putting him one away from tying Hassan Haskin’s school-record of 20 in a single season and five away from tying the A-Train’s school record of 55 career rushing touchdowns. 

Including Corum’s touchdown, which made it 7-3 Wolverines, Michigan scored 23 unanswered points, giving the impression they were running away with the game. Tommy Doman booted the ball into the yellow, black, and red checkerboard-pattern endzone for a touchback, giving Maryland the ball at the 25-yard line to start their second drive. Tagavailoa threw his first incompletion of the game on the ensuing first down, then his second on the next play when he aired it out deep down field, missing his receiver by inches. On 3rd down, Tagavailoa once again dropped back to pass, but Michigan brought pressure from both edges – Derrick Moore from the left and CJ Stokes from the right – forcing the Terps quarterback to backpedal. When he had retreated to his own 10-yard line, Stokes knocked the ball loose, allowing Moore to scoop it up at the 4-yard line and carry it in for a Michigan touchdown, their second in only 19 seconds. Gus Johnson, calling the game for FOX, hyped the Cardi Boys – his nickname for Michigan’s defense – as they donned sunglasses and posed for a picture on the sideline. Momentum had flipped in a big way. 

The Cardi Boys struck again on the next drive. After Maryland rushed for 2 yards on their first play of the drive, Jaylen Harrel sacked Tagavailoa for a loss of 9 on the next, forcing a third and long. Kris Jenkins and Braiden McGregor brought more pressure on third down, chasing Tagavailoa into his own end zone before the Terps quarterback threw it away to the sidelines. Christian Boivin, a Junior walk-on from Traverse City West, blocked the ensuing punt into the endzone, forcing the Maryland punter to kick the loose ball out of the back of the endzone for a safety. With only 32 seconds left in the first quarter, the Wolverines led 16-3. 

Another Corum touchdown halfway through the second quarter capped a 15-play, 64-yard drive that chewed up seven and a half minutes of clock. This one put Michigan ahead 23-3 and made it look like the route was on, but then my magic mushroom kicked in, and from that point on, Michigan seemed intent on making it a bad trip. Seemingly down and out, Tagavailoa demonstrated his mettle on the next possession, completing 8 of 9 passes on a 14-play drive that went 75 yards. Michigan almost prevented a touchdown with a goal line stand, forcing a 4th and goal from the 1-yard line, but the Terps brought out a secret weapon in backup QB Billy Edwards Jr., a 6’4, 205-pound transfer from Wake Forest who apparently specialized in short yard rushes a la Jaylen Hurts’ Tush Push. It worked. Edwards’ touchdown run cut the lead to 23-10 with two minutes left until halftime.

At this point I reflected that Maryland was still in the game despite all that had gone wrong for them; that was a bad sign in a football game. Without Michigan’s defensive scores, after all, Michigan’s lead would have only been 14-10. JJ McCarthy, rumored to be dealing with an injury, looked noticeably off; this was evident on the next drive when he led the offense in a two-minute drill. He efficiently marched the offense to the redzone, setting up a first and goal from the 7-yard line with 42 seconds left. At worst, it seemed, Michigan would close the half with a field goal. Instead, McCarthy threw a bad interception in the endzone, one made worse by the fact that the previous play should have resulted in an interception, too. Compounding the bad taste left in the mouth was that Maryland got the ball to start the second half. The mushroom I ate before the game felt like a bad decision, going into the break, with my anxiety spinning its wheels.

The shroom trip only got worse in the second half as the anxiety morphed into panic. Tagavailoa appeared to have turned a corner in the game. He put his talent on display on the second play of the second half when he threw a beautiful spiral that dropped right into the hands of Kaden Prather for a 34-yard gain, a completion that felt significant in that it extended the momentum Maryland had generated before halftime into the second half. A roughing the passer call against Mason Graham on a third and five further extended that momentum, setting the Turtles up with a 1st and 10 from the Michigan 21. On the next play, Tagavailoa completed a 13-yard pass to Tai Felton for another first down, this one a 1st and goal. He then showed off his running ability, scrambling 7 yards before being brought down just shy of the endzone. Michigan’s rush defense subsequently stuffed Maryland’s third down rushing attempt from a yard out, forcing a 4th and goal for the second time in the game. Again, Maryland turned to secret weapon Billy Edwards Jr., who again succeeded with the Tush Push play; perhaps cute the first time, it was now downright frustrating that Maryland’s backup quarterback had beaten us twice with the same play on a 4th and goal. “First points scored against Michigan in the third quarter all season,” Gus Johnson observed, “and Maryland is right back in this football game.” A troubling observation indeed, it prompted flashbacks to last year’s nailbiter against Illinois, which also transpired the week before our date with Ohio State. Unable to sit still, I went to put my laundry in the dryer, then moseyed outside for a cigarette. 

Michigan’s offense looked really bad – they went three and out on their opening possession of the half – putting the pressure on the defense to carry us in the second half. Maryland’s second possession of the half, which started at their own 24-yard line, gave the home team the chance to take the lead with a touchdown. Instead, Michigan’s leader on defense answered the call to arms issued by Michigan fans everywhere. On a 2nd down and 9 from the 42, Mikey Sainristil jumped a route and picked off Tagavailoa for a huge stopgap in terms of momentum. It looked as if Sainristil might have kept his knees from touching the ground when an offensive player attempted to tackle him, after which Sainristil proceeded to take the ball to the house, but video review ruled him down at the 49-yard line. 

Sainristil’s turnover gave Michigan good field position to work with and the offense capitalized. Despite an off-game – not at 100% health, JJ completed only 12 of 23 pass attempts for 141 yards in the game, with no touchdowns and one interception – McCarthy threw three big completions on the drive to three different receivers (Johnson, Morgan, and Loveland), the last a critical one to Colston Loveland on a 4th and 3 from the Maryland 24-yard line. Sherrone Moore then dialed up a trick play, giving the ball to speedster Semaj Morgan on a reverse. With a lanky frame and long strides reminiscent of Steve Breaston, Morgan dashed to the right sideline and, while collared by a defender, extended the ball to the orange pylon with his right hand. The sideline judge raised both arms to signal a touchdown, one that felt monumental. Michigan’s two-point conversion attempt, which perplexingly saw JJ throw a fade to Barner in the corner of the endzone, failed, resulting in a 29-17 score as the fourth quarter loomed. 

Before the third quarter was over, however, Maryland answered with another convincing drive, one that started at their own 16-yard line. Carrying the Terrapins, Tagavailoa once again looked stellar, making several big throws, starting with a 13-yard completion to Jeshaun Jones on 3rd and 11 that kept the drive – and Maryland’s hopes – alive. Terps running back Roman Hemby gained 7 yards on back-to-back rushes for another first down, then Tagavailoa threw another dime to Jeshaun Jones, this one for a 24-yard gain that pushed Maryland into Michigan territory. On the next play, he threw an even better pass down the sideline, placing it perfectly by putting it just out of reach of cornerback Will Johnson – who rarely got beat – and right into the hands of Prather, who hauled it in before tumbling into the endzone. Initially ruled a touchdown, video review reversed the call as officials determined that Prather’s knee hit the ground just shy of the goal line. That set Maryland up with another 1st and goal from the 1-yard line, and wouldn’t you know it? In came Billy Edwards Jr. to execute the Tush Push for the third time in the game. Deja vu ensued: Edwards Jr. scored in the same fashion as the first two – each time gaining only a few inches in a massive scrum that obscured the exact location of the ball – prompting me to ask my empty apartment if we were going to let Billy fucking Edwards end our best shot at a national championship in twenty-five years. Probably, I concluded; it sounded like the kind of twisted cosmic joke that cursed Michigan Football, after all, the kind I had grown to expect over the previous decades. 

Where was the boa constrictor – the one that sucked the life from Michigan’s opponents in the second half? Going into the game, Michigan’s D had yet to cede a point to its opponents in a third quarter, and now they had given up 21 to the Maryland fucking Terrapins. Destiny and fate felt like they were hanging in the balance as the fourth quarter started, with the undefeated Wolverines clinging to a precarious 5-point lead.

Championship teams found a way to win close games, to win despite their worst performances, and it was time to find out if Michigan was truly championship-caliber. The first play of the fourth quarter resulted in a first down completion to Semaj Morgan, but any feelings of an auspicious start to the quarter evaporated when Maryland sacked McCarthy two plays later for a loss of 7, forcing a 3rd and long at the 32. McCarthy connected with AJ Barner on third down, but the throw was far short of the sticks and the Maryland defense brought Barner down before he could carry the ball any further. It was a 7-yard completion when Michigan needed 14. As such, Tommy Doman trotted onto the field with the punting unit, then booted it into the endzone for a touchback. The punter was proving to be one of the unsung heroes of the game.

Following their uncharacteristic third quarter performance, Michigan’s defense redeemed themselves in the fourth. Maryland’s next possession went nowhere, with McGregor and Graham teaming up to sack Tagavailoa for a 10-yard loss on third and long to force a Maryland punt from inside their own 20. The punt went only 32 yards, giving Michigan the ball back at midfield, but Michigan’s offense failed to capitalize on the field position this time, going three and out in lackluster fashion. Doman, suddenly a weapon we needed, punted again, pinning Maryland at their own 10-yard line. With an opportunity to pounce, Michigan’s defense came up big again on the ensuing drive. Kenneth Grant stuffed a run on first down, then sacked Tagavailoa for a loss of 9 on 2nd down, forcing 3rd and 18 from the 2-yard line. Tagavailoa, trying to play the hero, launched a deep ball from his own endzone. It wasn’t a terrible throw, but Mikey Sainristil – rapidly ascending to Michigan legend status – leaped up and grabbed it before the receiver had a chance to, recording his second interception of the game. 

Sainristil’s pick felt like the dagger, setting Michigan up at the Maryland 39-yard line with only five and a half minutes remaining, but Michigan’s offense proceeded to squander the opportunity. A holding penalty pushed them 10 yards back – likely out of field goal range – after which McCarthy threw back-to-back incompletions. Doman punted yet again, this time pinning Maryland at their own 1-yard line. Then Tagavailoa made another mistake from his own endzone when he attempted to throw the ball away with no receivers in the vicinity, a penalty that by rule resulted in a safety, Michigan’s second one of the game.

Even then, Michigan’s offense struggled to close the game. Leading 31-24 with two minutes remaining, they needed only a first down, maybe two, to close it out, but three straight rushes netted nine yards total, forcing a 4th and 1. Sherrone Moore channeled Jim Harbaugh and went for it, giving the ball to Corum, who fought and clawed towards the line to gain. Refs brought out the chains for measurement, which showed Corum had gained it by inches. That more or less capped it. It was an ugly ending to an ugly game, but Michigan escaped College Park with their dreams intact, still undefeated. The win gave the program 1,000 all-time wins, making them the first team to reach that milestone, but that hardly mattered. A date with the 11-0 Buckeyes at Michigan Stadium loomed, a date some were already calling the most important matchup in the history of the rivalry, one in which everything was on the line. 

Thanksgiving was only a few days away, and I had a flight to Detroit booked for Thanksgiving Day. Still, everyone back home knew that’s not what I was really flying back to Michigan for. I was going back to Michigan for The Game.